OK, I know it's been an eternity since I last posted but trust me, I have a good reason.

My job is demanding AS HELL (I've said that before on this blog)...I work until 8 at night during the week, I come home, change clothes and hit the gym for about an hour, come back home to bathe and have a late dinner, catch some shit on TiVo or read and go to bed!

My weekends are spent with the guy I'm currently dating, getting my shopping done, exercising, and keeping my house clean.

Oh and trying to catch up on sleep.

I haven't been able to carve out the time to write or even READ any blogs. Sorry!

When I first started this blog last June, I was on a temporary medical leave from work, had tons of free time and was able to post all the time!

Those days are long gone.

Anyway, I've been doing a bit of "self-discovery" with my shrink (hell yeah I'm in therapy...not ashamed in the slightest..and I highly recommend it!) and I came to the stunning conclusion that what I THOUGHT made me happy (my career) really doesn't.

I think I always identified myself as a "childfree, ambitious, career driven type of woman", but I've come to realize that isn't an accurate portrayal of me at all.

Yeah I've worked my ass off at one of the largest financial services firms in the country for 5 years, been promoted three times, and envisioned myself as a future CEO or board member one day but um...after thoughtful consideration, that's not what I want at all.

Like, not even fucking close. I'll be 28 this summer and I'm just now figuring this out? Is this weird? What the eff?

Oh and before you jump to the conclusion that I've decided to start having babies in order to fulfill myself, I urge you to put down the meth pipe you are obviously smoking from.

Hell noez I ain't having kids!!! That's not the point of this post. (I know my CF peeps are breathing a sigh of relief right now)

I am definitely staying childfree but I've had a bit of an epiphany. I've been stressing myself out at this company since I was 22. Yes, I make a decent living but ta-da...it DOESN'T make me happy. OMG. It shocked me to admit that to my therapist AND myself. Was I fooling myself all these years? Trying to trick myself into believing that working and getting promoted all the time leads to happiness? Maybe so...

I mean sure, my job is engaging SOMETIMES. It's interesting SOMETIMES. I have relationships with my co-workers but do I wanna be climbing the corporate ladder for the next 40 years? Stunningly the answer is NO.

I think I'm still in shock...I must be going through one of those "Quarter-Life Crises" I've read about.

Anyone else ever wake up to the realization that everything you have worked for isn't what you want AT ALL or is it just me?

I mean...sure it would be nice to make millions of dollars one day but really...what are the chances?

I always thought I wanted a 7000 square foot house one day but now that I ponder it...I DON'T! I don't need a maid or a big swimming pool, and I don't care if I ever drive a Jag or a Mercedes S-Class. Crazy huh? Why am I not who I thought I was all of a sudden? And why has my idea of "the perfect life" changed so drastically all of a sudden?

Honestly, big house, nice car, mega career isn't even mildly appealing to me right now.

I'd be happy owning a small condo, dating or marrying a nice guy, loving my pets, having plenty of time to write, do yoga, read books, and sleep...working JUST ENOUGH to support myself, pay my bills, and have a FEW nice luxuries every month. That's it in a nutshell. Along with staying childfree OF COURSE.

Honestly, I would love to run an animal shelter...or write books...or have my own sex toy/fetish store...Bwaaaahahahaha...very diverse goals I know.

I guess I'm sharing this because this revelation has kind of knocked me on my ass and I wanted to feel like I wasn't alone in my confusion surrounding who I am and what I genuinely want.

Obviously I'm not going to hastily quit my job tomorrow morning and go "dream chasing" because I'm a practical person who makes careful decisions about my life but...can I share something with you? I'm really, really, really happy to be childfree right now during this little "identity crisis" because I look at my life and see that it's pretty much ALL REVERSIBLE. Like all of it. I can start changing my entire lifestyle tomorrow if I want to. I hope I don't sound like a tool but that is incredibly comforting, liberating, and all kinds of shit.