Of course, my view was ABSOLUTELY NOT. That embryo would be occupying my body and only I would have a say in it's fate.
He disagreed wholeheartedly. His POV was that since he had a hand in creating the life, he should have a say in whether or not it's aborted. Knowing my intention to remain CF for life, his argument was that if I ever became pregnant with his child, rather than me aborting it, he would want me to carry the baby to term so HE could raise it.
YEAH RIGHT. He's barely home enough to be a "father" to his puppy who has to stay in his cage all day! Ugh.
Anyway, as I told him, that's all noble and fine as far as intentions go, but goddammit, that still leaves me with the wretched burden of carrying the baby for almost a full calendar year. And let's not forget that doesn't go off without a hitch or come with no side effects.
This entails me being frequently sick, likely very uncomfortable, and having to change my every way of life. No more coming home to a few mudslides after a shit day at work! No more sleeping on my stomach. Oh and no more going out to meet hot guys of flirting at the grocery store! Who's gonna flirt with a pregnant bitch?
No more changing the kitty litter because apparently pregnant women can be adversely affected by toxoplasmosis which is carried by cats and passed in their feces.
Hello, I have two cats. I'm sure I could count on his ass to come and change the litter box every day.
NOT!
And let's not forget the millions of doctor appointments and co-pays that come along with pregnancy.
So, the whole argument of "carry the baby to term and I'll raise it", is bullshit as far as I'm concerned.
Also, what happens if he punks out when the kid gets here? What if he gets "scared" like so many men facing the prospect of fatherhood do? I am stuck with a baby I didn't fucking want. A baby I sacrificed my body for. My boobs will never be full, round, and perky ever again! Bottom line, here I am stuck with a baby I wasted nine months of my freedom for who's father wussed out of raising it.
Do you know how much I would resent not only my boyfriend, but the baby as well? How fucked up of a situation would that be? And then having to give the kid up for adoption knowing full well that as a Black child, people are not exactly going to be clamoring to adopt it.
I'm sorry but no. I'd never, ever put myself in that situation. Just because men can take credit for helping to create an embryo, doesn't mean they have a right to determine it's fate. Until the day comes where medical technology can transfer that life from my body to yours for YOU to carry, YOU HAVE NO SAY.
What are your thoughts on this guys? I hope you'll share them because I have a subject related to this to post about next and when that topic was eluded to in the past, some of you disagreed with my take on it and it's actually related to this! So post away in the comments and let's see where this goes.
11 DIDN'T JUST LURK:
It's a difficult topic, I can understand the argument your ex makes, but my opinion is that until the fetus can grow outside of the woman's body, she is the only one who has any say on what happens to it until it pushes its way out.
You're 100% correct in that until a woman can physically transfer the embryo to the man's body, he has no say in whether or not she can abort the fetus. The only person who can tell me what I can and can't do to my body is me. Period. End of story.
If a man wants a child, let him find an egg donor and a surrogate mother to carry the child. However, if you don't want the kid, it's not your responsibility to have one for him and potentially ruin your life if he does indeed chicken out.
Whether the woman gets an abortion or carries the baby to term, it is still her body that has to deal with the risks and consequences. Therefore, it should obviously be her call.
However, I don't believe it's fair that we can get a get-out-of-jail-free-card once we get pregnant, while men just have to wait and see what we decide. Especially considering the fact that they only have one form of non-permanent protection (condom), which is not even as good as the pill, an IUD or other spiffy gadgets that us women have at our disposal. Why should we get a chance to dodge the bullet that is parenthood if our birthcontrol happens to fail, but should men automatically pay for their 'crime' if the condom happens to snap?
Do I believe that they should have a say in what we do with our bodies? NO! But I do believe they should be able to opt out of taking care of the kid and/or paying childsupport. We all make mistakes, not just us women.
I agree with you 100% as well. Our bodies, our minds, our lives are changed by carrying a child in my POV. If a man wants a child there are many states that will allow him to adopt a child who needs to have a home instead of keeping a child who wasn't wanted by their CF mother.
It's also not fair to the kid who would one day want to know you, even if you had no desire to.
And I want my boobs to stay perky too.
For the most part, I agree. My issue is that a man who doesn't want the child should be able to give up all rights to it. If a woman can opt of motherhood by aborting it, then a man should also have the option to legally walk away if he doesn't want to be a father.
Otherwise, whatever a woman wants to with the fetus is her choice.
I agree 100% with you but I have a twist. If I were to impregnate someone who insisted on having the little vagina dropping when I wished her to have an abortion, should I have to pay child support? I think not, since I want nothing to do the little bastard. I have no say in her body and she has no say in my wallet. Is that fair?
The anon poster who said that a man should have the legal opt-out if a woman decides to have a kid while the father does not is spot-on.
This is how it breaks down: until a man has a uterus or able to have a child himself, the theories he has on women's reproductions are exactly that: theories. Modern society sees a lot of men with the mentality that their contribution begins and ends with ejaculation. Not one of them has to carry a child to term, have their bodies wrecked AND have society form a veritable mob in its reactions if they say "No, I did not want to be a parent, and I do not want this child."
Also: if a woman gets pregnant 'accidentally on purpose' (and I hate that phrase with a passion), the father of that child should have the option to say, "I did not want this child, you did, so have fun being a single parent." I've yet to see an unwilling father suddenly become Ward Cleaver when the loaf drops.
As for me - boobs perky, tubes tied.
Ideally, an accidental pregnancy might occur in a relationship where two people already had an understanding of each other’s wishes and the decision as to what to do would be far simpler. My husband and I have always been on the same page about unwanted pregnancy, luckily, and I probably would not have stayed long with him if that were not the case. I think this is a very important consideration to take into account before deciding to have sex with someone. You have to be careful, but accidents do happen and if you do not have a consensus on what to do ahead of time, it will only make things worse in an already stressful situation.
Yes, they are his genes and yes, he had a ‘hand’ in creating this critter lurking in the womb, but the bottom line is this: no one should ever force a woman to carry an unwanted pregnancy to term, regardless of circumstance.
Maybe once they invent in-vetro teleporting, things will be different. But still, to bring into existence a life you do not want, and do not want to have anything to do with, which might one day come looking for you, is an uninviting proposition.
Sex is serious business. It’s lots of fun, sure, but we have to be very careful. If a person isn’t on the same page with their partner about what to do with an accidental unwanted pregnancy, maybe they need to reconsider with whom they are having sex... I don’t mean to trivialize these things or make them more serious than they need to be, but in this day and age these are discussions we need to be having.
There is really nothing a man can do to make a woman do what he wants short of holding her hostage. If she wants to have the baby, then she does. If she wants an abortion, then she has it. The man can give his opinions and wishes, but has no power over her.
That's why it's important to be with someone with whom you are on the same page.
ITA! A man may have good intentions, but as you wrote, who is to say he'll stick around? Even when the man is around, the burden of raising a child is mostly left upon the shoulders of the mother.
Now, it's a different story if a man is a single father due to whatever circumstance. Then, he is raising a kid or kids full time.
Personally I think it's unfair that one half of the genetic creator of the child should have no say when it comes to that child existing or not. Be that as it may I can see there isn't an easy answer. There is a lot of talk about "rights" and very little about "responsibilities"... I say the two come as a package.
I've just written a post about women who get deliberately get pregnant - with no intention of involving the man but every intention of having the child child. Again it's all about "rights" their body, their say but no mention of any responsibility.
Women hold all the cards when it comes to this subject - men are screwed (pardon the pun). Now, I am NOT saying that the man should be able to demand she has the baby (or doesn't have it for that matter)he shouldn't - just that it's quite one sided, just because it is. By the way if it's simply "it's my decision" rather than "you have no say" then really there's no argument, right?
At the end of the day it IS the woman's decision.
But here's my suggestion. ( and this should cover all eventualities).
If a woman wants to maintain that the man has no say in what happens to the results of the natural consequence of unprotected sex then the woman should simultaneously:
totally and absolutely renounce any and all claims to any physical, financial and moral support of any shape or kind for the child or herself from the man. Forever.
She should, of course read him the Riot Act (before they get down and busy) so he's in absolutely no doubt that should any offspring or pregnancy result, it will be her decision as to what happens and his opinion will not count.
That way there will be no surprises. He should be pressured to bring his own condoms (duh!)and should, as one reader suggested on my blog, flush them after having sex.
My gut feeling is most men will be cool with this.
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Please try to come up with a display name other than "Anonymous" if you plan to comment regularly...that way we can tell the jerks apart from the cool kids.
Oh and if you're a breeder or "wannabe breeder" and plan to leave something mean out of spite, there's a good chance you'll get your ass lit up like a Christmas tree in Time's Square by myself and my fiercely childfree readers.
Go ahead, make our day.
Oh and please read my rules on commenting before you post.
Yipee-Ki-Yay Motherfuckers.