Regarding the last post-I guess I figured more people had the link to my personal blog before I took it down so anon assbags couldn't invite themselves there and harass with dumb comments the way they often do here. But since I got a few emails about it, I figured I'd better just post about the horrendous "Bring your kid to work day" debacle here. My apologies for the loyal, not-shitty, non-asshat readers feeling left out!

Oh my fuck, I cannot even tell you how fucking agitated I am after this hellacious day.

Today was "Bring your bratty crotch nugget child to work day" and the fuckery was at an all time high ALL FUCKING DAY.

First of all, we all have laptops and are generally allowed to work from home whenever we damn well please UNLESS we have conference calls or meetings scheduled.

My childfree coworker/good friend and I have been planning to work remotely since the day we heard this shit was going down. For almost a month, we have been planning to work from home to avoid the snot monsters!

But OF COURSE, at the last goddamn minute yesterday afternoon our boss decided to schedule a meeting for today and attendance was mandatory.

*Sigh*

Fast forward to this morning, I get to work and the place is positively crawling with children.

LITTLE CHILDREN!

Wait a damn minute here...when I went to work with my mom back in the day, I was 12 or 13 and ALL of the other kids were at least 10-years old. So what am I doing looking at a bunch of 5-year-olds at my place of business?

When I was a kid, the point of this day was to come to work with your parents to see what they do for a living and get a grasp of what working is like.

It wasn't for kindergarteners who have no concept of work and can't speak in low tones!

Ugh.

Anyway, one of the first little munchkins I see has on a big, red, plastic fireman's hat complete with a phony fire hose as an accessory.

What the fuck? a) We don't work at a fire station and b) Isn't Halloween in October?

Children...utterly foolish and lacking in all reason.

Immediately my suspicion that parents allow their children to dress in stupidly ridiculous costumes to pacify them and prevent tantrums is confirmed.

I shake my head in disbelief and make my way to the kitchen to have my daily breakfast of toast and yogurt (company provides us with free food every day wooo hooo).

In the break room are children UNATTENDED, pressing all of the buttons on the soda machines (which are also free), stocking up on caffeine.

Just what these heathens need.

Fuck.

The next several hours went something like this:

9:00- The not-so-faint sounds of children laughing and using aggressively loud non-indoor voices fills the air.

9:15- Emailing BFF to tell her of the hell I am in and having her laugh at my misfortune while she enjoys a quiet, serene, childless office in San Fran.

9:20- Snotlings running past the aisles after one another as if this is a goddamn gymnasium.

9:30- Emailing my mom to tell her of the hell I'm in as children loudly giggle and presumably taunt me for being a helpless pawn in their scheme for workplace domination.

(Mom responds back that she would never have taken me or little brother to work before we were old enough to shut the hell up and sit still and these people clearly have no common sense bringing in 5-8 year-old kids).

10:00- The sound of toy gun shots fills the air but unfortunately no children are seriously injured.

10:20- Boss calls our meeting and tries to stay focused despite the fact that kids are now wheeling each other in office chairs past our desks.

10:45- Childfree coworker excuses herself from the meeting to go yell at the kids who are now wheeling each other across the TILED floors in our hallway making FUCKTONS OF FUCKING NOISE!

(I am glad she was the one to reprimand them so I didn't have to be "ANGRY BLACK LADY BEING MEAN TO HARMLESS & INNOCENT WHITE CHILDREN" -P.S. I am the only Black woman who works in our entire building).

11:10- More harrowing emails to Mom and BFF regarding this nightmare that feels as if it will never end.

11:20- Kids are FINALLY taken outside to engage in "activities" (which unfortunately don't include burning to a crisp in the 100 degree Arizona sun).

12:30- Childfree coworker and myself make the 6 minute drive to my place to consume massive amounts of Riesling white wine in an attempt to drink the pain away.

1:50- Back at work, children are still outside doing activities! I don't think we've seen the last of those fuckers though.

3:30- I was right, they're baaaack. More running, giggling, unruly behavior. I have my headphones on full blast and can still hear them. I obviously need better headphones.

3:40- Co-worker reports she overheard a shit-tastic mother in the break room claiming she is "numb" to her children being loud and mis-behaving. HOW NICE FOR YOU TO BE NUMB AND COMPLACENT WHILE THE REST OF US SUFFER AT THE HANDS OF YOUR MERCILESS LITTLE DOUCHEBAGS! (more on this later).

4:00- Childfree female co-worker, childfree male co-worker, and myself get together and wonder aloud if we can round all the children up, sneak them into a conference room and destroy their innocence by telling them the "Tooth Fairy", "The Easter Bunny" and "Santa" is all a bunch of bullshit and there are indeed monsters under their beds waiting to kill and eat them when they least expect it.

4:05- Boss thinks it's a great idea and says he wants in on it.

4:10- I realize none of these fuckers were serious but me.

4:20- I can no longer deal with the kids rolling by on office chairs, laughing loudly, playing hide and go be a shithead seek, asking to go watch Bobpants or whatever that fucking show is, and just the general asshattery that these children continue to practice so I pack up my laptop and LEAVE.

My nerves were on fire the whole motherfucking day! UGH! And now I'm home and I realize, fuck, we drank all the wine at lunch!

I am truly pissed off right now and I will tell you why. Not because I am a childless bitch that pretty much hates children (um well ok that's partly why), but because all of my suffering for the day can be attributed to shitty ass piece of shit parents allowing their kids to wreak fucking havoc and run amok all goddamn day.

The fact that one mother claimed to be "numb" to her bad ass kids is infuriating to me. Lazy, apathetic parents are INFURIATING to me.

This is what's wrong with the world. People have kids for the fuck of it and are then too lazy to actively reprimand and discipline their children. After all, it takes WORK and EFFORT. LOTS OF WORK AND EFFORT! And boo friggity hoo, they don't have the energy to tell their kids how to behave OVER AND OVER AND OVER which is what it fucking takes to be an effective parent.

Well you know what, I don't have the goddamn energy either which is why I don't have fucking kids. TA-DA! See how easy that is?

To have children and allow them to inflict terror upon the rest of us because you are "numb" to their assholey-ness is selfish and fucked up.

And why are you bringing these little hellions to the office if you aren't gonna watch them? You allow them to roam your place of business unsupervised? You are unaware and ignorant to the fact that they are cruising around in office chairs and disturbing meetings? Seriously????

That's the apathetic parent for ya. As long as the kids are out of THEIR sight and our of THEIR hair, THEY COULD GIVE A SHIT. THIS is why I'm not down with O.P.K (other people's kids). Arrrgggghhhh!

I'm done.

I hate everyone.

I'm going to go work out since I'm out of liquor.

By the way, did anyone else get terrorized by O.P.K today or was it just me?