I've only been on Facebook for a month and ALREADY it's proving itself to be more of an annoyance than what I need in my life.

Here's the story.

I posted a camera phone picture of an annoying sign in my local grocer's parking lot that states "Expectant Mom Parking" and added the caption: "While, I'd never park in a traditional handicap accessible parking space, I DO park here quite regularly, because pregnancy is not a fucking handicap and you should not get special parking spot for having sex!".

Because really, if sex is the standard for premier parking, my own sexual history should more than qualify me.

Anyway, this is my typical sarcastic fare and not at all out of the ordinary but, the next thing I know, one of my friends posts a "woe is me" comment stating: "All I can think about is how wonderful that space was when I was 9 months and having a hard time walking."

Uggghh. Classic move to try and guilt trip me, no?

Well, I'm not taking the bait.

Recently, I was diagnosed with osteo-arthritis (it runs in my family BIG time & presented itself in all of my affected relatives before age 35), and I have been having SERIOUS knee pain for the past several weeks.

My response back?

"Well, it was pretty "wonderful" for me today because my osteoarthritis is KILLING my GD knee- but oddly there are never any "special" parking spots marked off for "newly diagnosed arthritis sufferers" or "general fatigue suffers" or really ANYTHING BUT "mother with small child" and expectant moms"....I get that pregnancy is draining but so are a myriad of other conditions that Fry's (the name of the store) doesn't give a damn about. Your pregnancy was a temporary condition and it is now over. My osteo is hereditary and is here to stay. You can choose never to get pregnant again. I can't choose to not have fucked up joints. So you totally win!

Annnnd you got a tax break and tons of free shower gifts as a result the pregnancy. Your pregnancy got more consideration and benefits than my osteo ever will.

More WINS for you! :-)

/sarcasm

I mean really. Pregnancy is not the only condition on earth that makes walking difficult. Also I should say that even before my osteo diagnosis, I parked in those spots all the time. Hell, I was TIRED. I am a single woman who has to carry ALL of my groceries ALONE.

But are there any designated spots for MY lifestyle choice?

Fuck to the hell no!

She was not to be deterred though.

Her: "You can get a handicap tag that would allow you to park in those spaces-you just need a doctors note. I am sure there are a lot of things that you don't agree with but do you have to take away something that could potentially benefit another person just because you don't think it's right."

First of all, I honestly didn't know someone my age could obtain a handicap sticker for arthritis (why didn't my fucking doctor enlighten me to this when he last saw me in agony??). Secondly, don't you just loooove being chastised and guilt tripped by your friends?

Who doesn't!

Yes I am a mean, insensitive person for "taking something away" from someone who, like her, sought to be in that preventable/terminable condition.

Someone who ACTIVELY chose to get pregnant deserves special parking because their CHOICE might make them tired?

I beg to differ.

My response: "Well, this is sort of apples to oranges. I'd never park in a traditional handicap accessible spot because I do have consideration for others who are in conditions not of their choosing.

By this logic, any difficult thing we choose to bring upon ourselves that causes stress, fatigue, etc. would deserve some special reward or parking spot right? What about the morbidly obese? What about people who smoke a lot and are easily winded? Unlike having a legitimate handicap, all of these are lifestyle choices. Is it "fair" to everyone else that one of these choices gets a nice cushy spot at the grocery store and the others don't? I don't think it is honestly. Why is there no spot for chemo patients or dialysis patients? Do you see where I'm going? Pregnancy is (unfairly) the exalted condition by society and yes because I disagree I will keep parking there on principal."

So she smart alecks back with "Just fyi-all the examples you listed qualify for a handitag."

Ummmm last time I checked, people who smoke a lot and have no other condition do NOT qualify for a handitag and neither do obese people with no other medical conditions but...correct me in the comments if I'm wrong please.

Also, anyone who is undergoing chemo or dialysis and relies solely on relatives and neighbors for rides may NOT have a handicap sticker! But the grocery store in question doesn't seem to have any "designated drivers of ailing persons" spots marked off do they? Do they hold considerations for ANY OTHER persons who might need a close parking space but don't have a handicapped sticker?

No they do not. Because pregnancy is WORSHIPED more than anything else in the world you can think up!

IT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT THING WIMMENZ CAN DO!

My.Ass.

So let's tally things up here. No special parking spot for people who might happen to be driving a handicapped associate. No special parking spot for exhausted single women who have to make 20 trips to and from the car carrying heavy ass groceries. No special parking spot for general fatigue or exhaustion. No special parking spot for people who may have just had a medical procedure. (And no special parking spots for being a childfree citizen who conserves and isn't contributing to overpopulation either, I might add).

Nope. No parking spots for any of that. Only pregnancy!!

I can't let this one slide. I counter with:

"That's news to me but if smoking and eating too much qualify for a sticker, so should pregnancy.

If pregnancy doesn't qualify for a sticker on it's own merit, then I must not be the only one who doesn't think it's akin to having a handicap, thus deserving of a special parking space."

Also, I have to say, one of my friends was in great shape during her pregnancy and was doing light jogging EVERY DAY, almost up until her delivery date. Even on my BEST day, I can NOT jog with this painful osteo-arthritis, so I honestly don't want to hear that pregnancy is an equally debilitating condition for everyone. It is NOT and we all know this!

If YOUR pregnancy is that insufferable that you can't walk more than 12 parking spaces from the grocery store entrance, you should be able to get a fucking handicap sticker.

Do you hear that pregnant people?? If your being pregnant does not warrant a handicap sticker, you need to call your local congress member and complain or something, ok?

In the meantime, I will CONTINUE to park in the stupid pregnancy spot at the grocery store, whether my osteo is acting up OR NOT, without losing a damned bit of sleep over it. Got that?