My BFF delivered her kid a few days ago and so far, she seems to be happy and handling motherhood fairly well.

But again, she's only like 6 days into this thing so who knows...

Of course, every Facebook update she posts is filled with fucktons of baby pictures and updates on the kid, which I guess I expected, but as a person totally unmoved by infants, I still find it all to be pretty snooze inducing.

I mean how many pictures can you take of a newborn? They look the fucking same in every photo! They have two facial expressions at this age, "crying face" and "blank face".

I mean, really.

In any case, whenever she posts an update about something she's having difficulty with...breastfeeding, lack of sleep, whatever, her "momfia" buddies post the most superficial, annoying comments EVER.

BFF cannot air ONE legitimate grievance without being told "BUT IT'S SO WORTH IT!!!11!" by at least 3 people.

She's been having issues breastfeeding but does anyone with EXPERIENCE care enough to give her helpful suggestions? Nope, they just tell her how "worth it" all this hassle is.

"Breastfeeding is really the best thing for you AND the baby. It is so worth it once you get the hang of it!"

"I promise that the first night is the hardest, keep trying. Welcome the the parent 'hood!"

"Pain aside, there's nothing in the world like the birth of your children! When they first come out and they hand him to you--is that not the most breathtaking moment? There's nothing like it in the world. I wish I could bottle it up."

"Hang in there. Breast is best, and of all the right of women, the greatest is to be a mother."

Ugggghhh. Yeah of all of your achievements in life, having sex and winding up pregnant is the most significant of all!

And of course, there's the mommy judgment. "BREAST IS BEST!!!"

Um sometimes breast doesn't work and baby has to drink formula. IT ISN'T THE END OF THE WORLD.

Gawd, guilt tripping her already.

One of her friends in particular, is so very strident and forceful in her chorus of "it's so worth it", that she frightens me.

Is she simply being positive and uplifting, or is she trying to browbeat my friend into drinking the "happy mommy kool-aid"?

Or is she trying to convince HERSELF that it's all so "worth it" because she too is expecting a child soon (according to BFF)?

I'm not sure, but having read all I have read about parenthood, how hard it is, and how so many people suffer in silence secretly hating it, a lot of this empty praise for it seems a bit hollow to me.

I'm also worried about her being indoctrinated by these goddamn zealots. I fear that with all of these freaks in her ear about how "worthwhile" this endeavor is, she will turn into a creepy Stepford Breeder.

You know the type. Spouting hollow, meaningless platitudes about how great motherhood is, lying to herself and everyone else, never expressing one negative, HONEST reaction about being a mom, and secretly drinking vodka out of a Starbucks cup to get through the day...

I might not have kids but I DO have insight into what a hellish life that is and I don't want that for her at all.

In all of MY conversations with her, I talk to her about having a realistic approach to this new journey she's on. I hope she enjoys it and it makes her happy, but if it doesn't I don't want her being harshly judged by these shrill, sanctimonious, mommy cult worshiping fucktards.

With all that said, I'm left with one sentiment that I can't shake.

I am so glad to not be in her shoes...but so regretful that SHE is in her shoes.

Am I making sense?

For instance, the other day she asked about my upcoming trip to Turks & Caicos next month and told me how excited she was for me. The next sentence was "Wow, I'll be changing diapers and you'll be relaxing on a gorgeous white sand beach..."

I didn't really know how to respond. It wasn't a good feeling though. You know what I felt, like I WISHED she was coming with me. I told her I wished she was coming and that we could have traveled together while we're young.

Her response? "Yeah me too sweetie. There are so many things that aren't going to happen now..."

*Sigh*

As much as I like to be catty and sarcastic on this blog a lot of the time...I'm seriously mourning all the pleasures in life I'll be enjoying without my BFF by my side.

I've had MONTHS to prepare for this, but somehow now that the baby is here, it feels worse than I imagined it would.

You know, I truly hope this IS "all so worth it" for her. Otherwise it's all reduced to one big tragedy. BFF loses her life and vitality to motherhood and I lose my best companion and all of our opportunities to do great things together.

Maybe I'd get a kick out of the schadenfreude if this was someone else but it isn't.

Ugh...time to open up a bottle of Moscato I think.