Well...my trip to Turks & Caicos was fucking amazing and THANK GAWD I came across little to no children during my air travel and the vacation itself.

Whew.

I decided to stay at a small boutique hotel on the beach rather than some mega resort and I really think that worked in my favor.

Anyway, I found a hot Haitian guy to have a fling with, I luxuriated on the beach, sampled an abundance of wine and fruit flavored margaritas, and met several interesting people. It really was a stellar vacation.

When I gave my BFF (yes the one who just had a baby) a full trip report (hot beach sex details included) she voiced happiness for me but in the next breath, told me she was jealous.

I didn't know how to take that but again, I found myself feeling a wee bit guilty. And I HATE feeling guilty.

But I think just knowing how little sleep she's getting, how she and hubby are having no sex, and just the general shit that goes into raising a newborn, made me feel a little bit like a bitch for throwing my uncomplicated, childfree life (and hot vacation sex), in her face.

Honestly, this doesn't happen with ANY of my other friends...I never feel guilty about anything when it comes to anyone but her. Maybe it's because I'm just generally closer to her?

At risk of being labeled a "martyr", I have to ask does anyone else feel like this when talking to childed friends about your amazing CF experiences?

Ugh. Guilt suxass.

But you know what, I have allowed it to subside. I feel great about being able to do these things and the REASON I am able to do them is because I don't have kids.

I have the little guilty moments when I feel "self-indulgent" (gasp!) but I think it's probably normal. When everyone around you is catering to children and husbands and you are traveling, enjoying a life of freedom, having flings with hot guys you barely know in the Caribbean, and tossing back daiquiris...it can seem like your life is in a different stratosphere but that's because IT IS!

And there is NOTHING WRONG WITH IT!

I would love to evolve to a point where I feel not even a passing moment of guilt for my life because hello- it's exactly the life I want to be living, but I think it's going to take time. As self aware as I like to think I am, I have to admit it's hard to get out of that mindset that society tries to bog CF people down with.

When you're conditioned to believe that your life experiences are all TRIVIAL AND MEANINGLESS until you plop out a baby, it's not exactly surprising to sometimes feel guilt over having the CF life you always wanted.


I'd bet money I'm not the only one grappling with this on occasion...

In any case, please feel free to check out the photos from my trip. I created a public FB page so I could share these with the readers of my blogs...