As many of you are aware, I am a passionate pro-choicer and recently decided to embark upon a volunteer-ship with Planned Parenthood.

Well after volunteering for a while, I thought I'd share some of my experiences here as this has been one of the most affirming, powerful things I have ever done.

Note: This will probably be a two-parter cause I have a lot to address.

While I can't share any patient stories because of confidentiality, I will tell you about the protest activity because I was INCREDIBLY ignorant about what goes on at PP and similar women's health clinics.

I had assumed that the protesters mostly walked around carrying signs in silence. At worst I thought the signs would be gruesome, photoshopped images of sleeping babies covered in ketchup or red dyed corn syrup (like in the movies).

Additionally, I expected maybe some chanting about abortion being "murder" and the like.

What I did not expect was to be called "a murderer who helps show babies to their deaths".

What I did not expect was to hear protesters loudly asserting that "Abortion causes breast cancer".

An outright motherfucking lie.

What I did not expect was to hear these people shouting with absolution that "75% of women regret aborting their babies!!!!"

Also not fucking true.

What I also did not expect to hear was white protesters telling my Black self and our Black patients that "PP loves to kill Black and Hispanic babies because the founder of PP, Mararet Sanger was a racist".

Yes, Sanger may have been a eugenics sympathizer and racially insensitive but in those times, it's hard to count many White people or organizations who weren't. The Democratic party has a particularly extensive prior history of profound racism. Yet that doesn't stop me, President Obama, or any other democratic minority from proudly claiming the "Democrat" label today.

The bottom line is, things CHANGE. Organizations change. Planned Parenthood has no vendetta against Black and Hispanic babies.

Ugh. I cannot tell you how stunned I was that these people were bringing up the racial politics of a woman who's been dead for over 40 years.

And it REALLY chaps my ass that these are White, conservative, privileged (from the looks of the cars they drive up in) women reciting this bullshit. Do you honestly think they give a good goddamn about Black and Hispanic women in any other capacity? In what ways do they reach out to assist these minority women on a daily basis?

I'm going to guess NONE other than shaming them for seeking access to reproductive health care.

I'd like to peek into their homes to see how many minority babies they've personally adopted. Or how many minority women they've been personally charitable or generous to.

According to the most recent census data, black women make up 12.3% of the female population in America. The Guttmacher Institute (AGI) puts the percentage of black abortions at 37% of the U.S. total. Similarly, AGI tells us that Hispanic women account for 22% of all U.S. abortions, though they make up 12.5% of the female population. Non-Hispanic, white women, who make up 62.6% of America's female population account for 34% of all U.S. abortions.

Do you know what I think of this data? We have a CULTURAL and SOCIO-ECONOMIC issue at hand. Not a Planned Parenthood induced issue. It's not exactly a secret that the median household income of Blacks and Hispanics is considerably less than Whites, that minorities are more likely to be un or under employed than Whites, that minorities are more likely to be uninsured and have less access to medical care than Whites, etc. etc..

If minority women had access to more resources and support PERIOD (and affordable contraception), perhaps they'd account for less abortions?

According to AGI:
"Beyond geographic and financial access, life events such as relationship changes, moving or personal crises can have a direct impact on (birth control) method continuation. Such events are more common for low-income and minority women than for others, and may contribute to unstable life situations where consistent use of contraceptives is lower priority than simply getting by. In addition, a woman's frustration with a birth control method can result in her skipping pills or not using condoms every time. Minority women, women who are poor and women with little education are more likely than women overall to report dissatisfaction with either their contraceptive method or provider. Cultural and linguistic barriers also can contribute to difficulties in method continuation."

So yeah, let's address the diverse variety of issues that plague minority women and then see how the abortion rate is reduced, mmkay? 

Until that happens, I don't wanna hear the fucking bullshit because I have absolutely no reason to believe they truly give a fuck about the collective plight of minorities.


Another thing I did not expect to hear was protesters telling our patients? "YOU COULD DIE IN THERE, THIS ISN'T SAFE!!!" and implying to them that abortion is some dangerously rogue, unsafe procedure.

Um, the truth is, pregnancy and childbirth are far more dangerous and deadly than abortion, which is one of the safest medical procedures available to women.

According to bioethicist and medical historian Jacob Appel, "abortion is convincingly far safer for maternal health than bringing a fetus to term."

He also went on to say:  

"According to the National Center for Health Statistics, the likelihood of an American woman dying in childbirth is approximately 1 in 7,500. In contrast, a 2004 study published in Obstetrics and Gynecology found the risk of dying during an abortion in the first eight weeks of pregnancy, when the majority of terminations take place, to be roughly 1 in 1,000,000. That's safer than a round-trip flight on a commercial aircraft. Even abortions performed at greater than 21 weeks (1.1% of all abortions) have a mortality of 1 in 11,000 -- far lower than live delivery. If one measures only immediate morbidity and mortality, there is no way to spin these numbers to suggest that abortion is less safe than giving birth."

Yet we don't see these protesting assbags outside of the maternity ward warning women about the danger they face when delivering their babies do we?

Nope, cause that's a MIRACLE!

*Even though it's been done 6 million times, they still call it "miraculous*

In essence, these protesters want women to RISK THEIR LIVES giving birth to babies they do not want and or have decided they cannot take care of.

To be clear, I am not suggesting that pregnancy is OMG SO LIFE-THREATENING DON'T DO IT!, but I am saying the proof is in the pudding. Carrying a baby to term is much more life threatening for women than having an abortion and there are far more complications.

It has become painfully obvious to me that these protesters are actually protesting our patients as fervently as they protest our center. They are profoundly obtuse, woefully misinformed, and passionate about the shaming they do in front of our clinic every day.

Never mind the fact that only 3% of our services are abortion related. EVERY SINGE WOMAN entering the clinic is told: "YOU DON'T HAVE TO KILL YOUR BABY!!"

Um, not all of these women are there to abort, dickheads!

As I just stated, about 3% of the services provided by PP is abortion related.

The services breakdown is as follows:

Contraception- 38%
STD testing and treatment- 29%
Cancer screening and prevention- 19%
Other women's health services- 10%
Other services- 1%

Knowing this, it boggles the mind how belligerently assumptive these people are. They haven't a clue what ANY of these people are visiting the clinic for so they simply go with the logic that "well, it must be for an abortion, let me scream and shame everyone in exactly the same brutish, ignorant manner."

It's truly sickening.

Another thing I wasn't expecting to hear? About how "my own abortions are the reason I volunteer at PP." Apparently, "I console myself by watching other women go through this process."

Oh yes, one of our more vocal protesters screams this to me every time I work a shift.

Um, this might be good logic if only I'D EVER BEEN PREGNANT!

But...I've never been fucking pregnant.


I know this is likely inconceivable since I'm a Black woman who volunteers at a clinic that performs abortions (and shucks why else in this little old white lady's mind would I be there for pete's sakes!?!?!) and all, but yeah it's true.

THIS is what the fuck I'm talking about when I tell you how ASSUMPTIVE these motherfucking bastards are.

Yeah, I'm here to console myself over my multiple abortions. OMG LOL WTF!!111!

Sorry.

One of my counterparts (who has also never had an abortion but is also accused of having them by this shouty little asshole), makes it a point to correct this woman by telling her "I have never had an abortion".

You know what...I don't bother for two reasons:

The first reason I don't correct her is because if I did experience an unplanned pregnancy, I would have an abortion as soon as possible after finding out. Without shame or hesitation, I would abort. End of story.

So I don't feel compelled to correct her erroneous assumption because this isn't a procedure I personally wouldn't have or one I'd feel ashamed of.  I would have one if I needed to, so really, how does this make me any different from all of our patients, whom she gleefully vilifies and excoriates?

In my eyes, I'm no different than our many patients who are exercising their right to choice...the only thing that differs is our circumstances.

Secondly, my personal sexual and reproductive history is none of this itty bitty fucktard's business. I do not have to justify myself to her...not even to deny her false assumptions. If she wants to think I've had multiple abortions...let her. What the fuck do I care? I am not vulnerable. I'm there standing up for women who need support the face of these rabid sociopaths. I can take whatever abuse gets thrown at me. It's the women and girls who visit our clinic who sometimes cannot.

I don't even want to describe to you how women's faces fall when they step out of their cars and are  screamed at by strangers. Some in tears and keeping silent, some angry and finding the voice to scream back, but all of them disappointed and undoubtedly feeling the mountain of shame heaped upon them by these people.

As if their situation weren't difficult enough on it's own.

It makes me ill to think about it too much.

{sigh}

More to come in the next post...I have a lot to share and this is taxing to write about...

Well...my trip to Turks & Caicos was fucking amazing and THANK GAWD I came across little to no children during my air travel and the vacation itself.

Whew.

I decided to stay at a small boutique hotel on the beach rather than some mega resort and I really think that worked in my favor.

Anyway, I found a hot Haitian guy to have a fling with, I luxuriated on the beach, sampled an abundance of wine and fruit flavored margaritas, and met several interesting people. It really was a stellar vacation.

When I gave my BFF (yes the one who just had a baby) a full trip report (hot beach sex details included) she voiced happiness for me but in the next breath, told me she was jealous.

I didn't know how to take that but again, I found myself feeling a wee bit guilty. And I HATE feeling guilty.

But I think just knowing how little sleep she's getting, how she and hubby are having no sex, and just the general shit that goes into raising a newborn, made me feel a little bit like a bitch for throwing my uncomplicated, childfree life (and hot vacation sex), in her face.

Honestly, this doesn't happen with ANY of my other friends...I never feel guilty about anything when it comes to anyone but her. Maybe it's because I'm just generally closer to her?

At risk of being labeled a "martyr", I have to ask does anyone else feel like this when talking to childed friends about your amazing CF experiences?

Ugh. Guilt suxass.

But you know what, I have allowed it to subside. I feel great about being able to do these things and the REASON I am able to do them is because I don't have kids.

I have the little guilty moments when I feel "self-indulgent" (gasp!) but I think it's probably normal. When everyone around you is catering to children and husbands and you are traveling, enjoying a life of freedom, having flings with hot guys you barely know in the Caribbean, and tossing back daiquiris...it can seem like your life is in a different stratosphere but that's because IT IS!

And there is NOTHING WRONG WITH IT!

I would love to evolve to a point where I feel not even a passing moment of guilt for my life because hello- it's exactly the life I want to be living, but I think it's going to take time. As self aware as I like to think I am, I have to admit it's hard to get out of that mindset that society tries to bog CF people down with.

When you're conditioned to believe that your life experiences are all TRIVIAL AND MEANINGLESS until you plop out a baby, it's not exactly surprising to sometimes feel guilt over having the CF life you always wanted.


I'd bet money I'm not the only one grappling with this on occasion...

In any case, please feel free to check out the photos from my trip. I created a public FB page so I could share these with the readers of my blogs...

I don't know if anyone else frequents the humor blog STFU Parents, but let me tell you, sometimes there are things on this site that even I can't handle.

As a new user of Facebook, I haven't yet had the pleasure of coming across EXTREME parental over-share but let me tell you something- if I ever see some shit like this or anything that even holds a candle to this bullshit- I am not only deleting the offender from my friend list, I am excommunicating the motherfucker from my entire life.

Really. What kind of sick bastard would post some ill shit like this on the goddamned internet???

You know...there are almost no words for how vomit inducing something like this is. When I initially saw this, I was utterly appalled and flabbergasted. My next feeling was one of pure anger, which is weird since these are complete strangers, but something about this photo PISSED ME OFF.

I can't exactly put my finger on why either. I just saw it and became semi-furious. Like "wow you people are some damaged motherfuckers" and "how do you make it through life when you are that skullfuckingly fucked in the head?"

Don't you feel sorry for the offspring of whomever would do something like this? I mean seriously. THIS IS FUCKING SICK BEYOND BELIEF. Who does this???????

Ugghhhh! I can't even talk about this anymore. I need to go wrap myself in a blanket and sit in a dark corner somewhere.