As I touched on in the last post, I've been hanging with a fab group of women and am enjoying some new social connections.

One stark reality of being militantly CF is, I think, that you become hyper aware of not only a person's current childed status, but also their intended parental status.

As someone who's just recently been through the drama of watching a close friend have a baby and then morph into an undesirable, I am particularly hyper aware of everyone's "status", so to speak.

Well, a few weeks ago, at one of our many evenings out on the town, a new woman joined our social circle. She's 32, from the same state I'm from and new to AZ, lives very near to my neighborhood, is a vegetarian (just like me), is completely non-religious (hello, ME!) is childless but has a dog she considers to be her child (yup, me again), is professional and career driven...and is basically, in a nutshell, a mirror image of me personality wise.

It's scary how much I have in common with this woman. She's fun and witty, and sharp as a tac. The first time we went to an event alone, we were seeing eye to eye on everything we talked about.

Everything.

We've done parties together, are doing lunch and dinner since we live close to one another, and honestly we just get the biggest kick out of being in one another's company.

The problem?

She wants babies.

Fuckitty fucking motherfuck gawddamnitalltohell.

*Sigh*

And knowing this I feel like I can't make a BFF out of her even though the desire is there on her behalf and mine.

It really fucking suxass and partly I feel like a bitch for thinking I shouldn't get too close to her now. And usually I'm ok with being a bitch when it's necessary and justified but I don't like being an unreasonable bitch. I like being a bitch with cause.

On the other hand, isn't the definition of insanity repeating the same dumb action over and over and expecting a new result each time?

I'm not someone who repeats mistakes very often. A fact I'm quite proud (smug?) about.

I just dealt with the woman formerly known as my BFF's baby drama. She went off the fucking deep end. Why would I jump willingly into another scenario that could end in exactly the same fashion?

You know how it went before...

We get along soooo perfectly and we relate to everything each other says! We're like two lesbians without the sex! We hear all of each other's problems and help solve them. We celebrate each other's triumphs and mourn each other's blues. We're in BFF loooooooove!

*hearts and stars and rainbows explode all over the place*

And then BAM, pregnancy.

And then POW, turning into someone completely unrecognizable and un-feminist after popping out the twat dumpling.

And then POOF, "Waaa why can't this to be like the 50's when women had no power and no say in anything and they just mindlessly shat out babies while the husband made all the money and did all the thinking???"

*Cue Paula Cole's "Where Have All The Cowboys Gone" in the background... "I will raise the children, if you pay all the billlllllllls."

Um, guess who doesn't want to go through that again?

*Childfree Chick raises her hand and waves it wildly from the back of the classroom*

So I look to you guys for opinions because mostly you have spectacular insights and I love reading what you have to say.

Do you give people a chance at close friendships when you discover they want kids? Should everyone get a chance, despite how you've been burned in the past by some formerly sane folk who turned into berserk breeders? Or do you just recognize the fundamental differences that you'll have with someone who desires spawn and keep them at arm's length to protect yourself from all the stress and frustration that could be lurking around the bend?

What's the answer here?

Yes I know...I've neglected the blog for well over a month. My bad! I try to stay connected with my peeps via Facebook though, so check me out there if you haven't already.

Lots going on with work (all good things), lots going on with PP and volunteering (we're gearing up for election season here and trying our DAMNDEST to get candidates who support choice for women, comprehensive sex education, and a few other key initiatives into office), and lots of weekend socializing that often leaves me pretty drained.

Also, I bought myself an elliptical machine last month (thanks to an unexpected bonus at work) and I have been so busy making sweet cardio love to it every night that I haven't set aside time to really sit down and churn out a blog post.

Again, my bad but I have to look hot in my skinny jeans like right this second. I'm turning 30 soon remember? This is not a game!

So, anyway...I've become close with a group of amazing women in the last few months and while a good portion of them are childless, a few are not. One that I've become particularly tight with is 40 with a 20 year old daughter, and several of the other women are also late 30's to early 40's with children in their late teens or early twenties.

What I'm noticing (and appreciating) about these women is, unlike women my age who are just beginning to start their families and are ultra focused on babies and kid shit, these women are NOT wrapped up in their roles as mothers NOR do they feverishly advocate the childless among us to get on with procreating.

I'm beginning to think older women with older children are an underused resource and ally for those of us who are childfree. From my vantage point, they seem to make pretty fabulous friends.

Not enamored with their role as "mommy dearest". Not constantly bragging about their spawn or telling boring ass stories about them all the goddamn time. Not struggling to get a babysitter every time something social comes up. Not feeling as if "I just gave birth therefore I have hung the moon".

Not nearly as boring and one dimensional as a great deal of the new moms we come across in daily life.

More importantly, they're not "in transition to uber mommy" mode. They've been there and done it already. They know who they are. They're not going to flip and change on you overnight outta the blue. Nope. I see them as stable, grounded, relaxed, and much more free. It's like they've reached the stage where they feel like a woman first and a mother second now that the constant care taking is over.

Also, at this stage of motherhood, they've been through a lot (at least the ones I know). So much so that they can't seem to bring themselves to encourage me to have kids.

Which is friggen sweeeeet.

They can actually look me in the eye and say "Girlfriend, I DO NOT blame you for staying childfree. Keep your life the way it is. Fabulous."

It's so refreshing.

Being around mothers without having to endure the relentlessly disingenuous endorsements of mommyhood???

Sign me the eff up!

If you're a CF woman in my age range who is frustrated at who the women your age have become after becoming mothers, fret no more. Kiss your "new mommy" frenemies goodbye. These are the kind of women to be friends with.

I wholeheartedly encourage you to seek them out!