As my regular readers know, I have been a staunch opponent of the institution of stay at home motherhood because it turns grown women into vulnerable dependents who are at the mercy of a man, his health, his whims, and his luck with regard to bread winning.

Well, now it seems as if I need to speak in less hetero-normative terms when I discuss this issue.

Stay at home motherhood is just as bad for lesbians as it is for women in relationships with men.

Unless you've been living in a monastery, I'll assume you heard about the break up of Melissa Etheridge and her partner, former actress, Tammy Lynn Michaels.

The break up happened a few months ago, but it was only days ago that Melissa filed the legal papers necessary to fully dissolve their union.

In these papers, she requested that her partner receive NO FINANCIAL SUPPORT WHATSOEVER.

Well...that didn't go over well with Tammy Lynn and she took to her blog to rant.

http://hollywoodfarmgirl.blogspot.com/2010/07/no-such-thing-as-privacy-i-guess-so.html

(I'm not going to formally link to it, so please copy & paste the URL into another browser window to view the post.)

Here is the text of the post in the event she takes it down:

no such thing as privacy, i guess? so okay.

2001.
late 2001

we were standing on a porch, outside, under the stars. we were talking about life, and what was coming up in the future, and schedules, and dreams, and building. she had a tour coming up, but the kids had school, and i had some auditions coming... what to do, what to do, what to do....

and that's when i sort of knew. those kids needed someone at home, someone stable, someone who wasn't jetting off all the time, and scrambling in and out. i knew that was like, to be a kid, and have people on revolving doors. so i stepped in, truly thinking i was doing the right thing.

"you know what?" i said. "do you want me to take a year off? take care of the kids? i can be here when you're gone, get them at school, bake for them, do the school stuff, and just catch them when you're not here. want me to do that?"

her face lit up like i was giving her a present she wanted but could never name. "would you do that??? you would do that???"

"sure! i've always wanted to make a home anyway! i'll make a home for you and me and the kids, and you go and do your thang with your guitar!"

we laughed and hugged, and she said it was perfect, and it was what she had always wanted anyways, but didn't want to ask anybody to do it for her..... make her a home.... etc. and that night was perfect. sitting on the porch, under the stars, back when we lived on the house on Mandeville canyon, near the ocean.

i gave up my managers, agents, contacts, all that good stuff, because i stepped directly into potty training a small boy, and carrying around a small girl on my hip. both excellent souls. and i was a very huge part in raising them for many many years while She with the Guitar focused on her Guitar.

i was always the house wife after that. the only thing i hated about it was not bringing in money- i have made my own money since i started babysitting at 10, and having a newspaper route at 11. having no steady paycheck killed me for those years with her. and now it's really killing me. the other week i had to borrow money from a friend. two weeks ago i had to scrape together $1.25 to pay for gas. i know she doesn't want to give me money. trust. i'm borrowing cash left and right from people to get through this summer, and feed my kids, with a stomach full of ulcers, thank you. no stress here. :-)

how's that spiritual tour coming along?


so now.... to open the lap top.... and read the headlines.... when i just spoke to the fame crawler yesterday.... she could have mentioned it..... and hmmm.... wants some custody of kids.... interesting.... but no $ support for me... interesting as well.... so so so interesting, there, melissa. practicing what we preach is always hard for americans, i think. (is that why you and rick warren got along so well? ) oh, the nights of promises.... "tammy, if i ever leave you, it's because i'm crazy, and you have to come find me and get me and save me!!! we have to be together forever!" (remember that one, lucky?)

Sad isn't it? Like countless other women, she offered to make her partner a home, birth the children, got into being all self-sacrificing and benevolent (thinking this was "the right thing to do"), and in the end is left with SHIT to show for it.

Scraping together $1 for fucking GAS?

For the fuck of shit people!

How many of these stories is it going to take for women to WISE UP and stop sacrificing THEMSELVES by abandoning their independence and financial livelihoods for the sake of homemaking and joblessness?

If this is the fate of a former celebrity actress married to a millionaire rockstar, how the fuck can any sane "regular" woman think she is above this fate and continue to go ahead with this sham of a lifestyle?