Comments on Childfree Clique: Without Childfreedom, My Good Life Turns To Shit

Don't lose yourself in this life! You CAN crea...

2010-08-04T20:38:47.620-07:00

Don't lose yourself in this life! You CAN create something better for yourself, even with kids. First thing, get out of the house, a job, volunteer, or just take a walk. Small steps, you can do it and you won't feel so resentful.

Hey Lynn, I'm new to this post but felt like ...

2010-07-15T20:30:28.368-07:00

Hey Lynn,

I'm new to this post but felt like you touched a nerve. I am jealous. I wish I would of stuck to my guns and listed to me inner-voice when I had the chance and not had kids. I love my girls but if I had to do it again I wouldn't. You have a freedom that I miss so much that I cry. My husband was all into having kids, we even did the fertility thing. So that makes the guilt even worse. I wish we had spend the money on traveling and enjoying life. I know I sound cold but I do not believe I should of had kids. Of course my mistakes are my own, and yes I did get a lot of pressure from family because isn't that what we are expect to do? (Sarcasm). Now I feel trapped, I have no life of my own. I am a stay-at-home mom. I have no life. I have disappeared over the years under piles of dirty dishes and laundry. What I would give just to me on my own again. I feel like the walking dead, my miss my old life when I had my hobbies, freedom and especially my own identity. I am now someones mom or wife. I hope and pray that I find a way to get through this until my kids leave home. Then maybe, just maybe I will have a life again before I get to old.

Good luck to you. Thanks for reading my post.

What FANTASTIC women here! I love it. I definit...

2010-02-23T18:13:04.674-07:00

What FANTASTIC women here! I love it.
I definitely think my childfree lifestyle is awesome and I can't imagine why anyone would WANT to have children (it just seems so illogical). I feel like I'm missing out on something though because I've never experienced the drive to reproduce. Have you ever thought about this? I'm super curious about what that must feel like. I've asked many girlfriends but none can describe it in a way that I can grasp.
Anywho, thanks for the blog. A joy to read!

I am just here to say I like your blog. I am a SAH...

2010-02-20T15:22:01.844-07:00

I am just here to say I like your blog. I am a SAHM and there is no hate mail here. I do have a son with another on the way but I am so supportive of people who decide not to have kids.

Thank you for not caving to what society thinks you "should" do and doing what you know is best for you. Many more people should take your lead and we would all be better off.

I am glad however, that you rethought about being friends with people who have kids. Who knows, if you need a 2 hour kid fix where you can get messy, play with blocks and run around without a care in the world...then you have a place to go. Then you get to go home! I love my kid, but I can totally relate to the fact that sometimes, it would be great to be able to leave after the fun ends and the whining and responsibility kicks in.

Thanks for the great posts and sharing your opinions with everyone!

Your reasoning is sound and you make valid points,...

2010-02-17T23:10:21.966-07:00

Your reasoning is sound and you make valid points, but that does nothing to disguise the fact that your a painfully unhappy person, no matter how liberated you look on paper.

I'm 27 years old and never wanted kids (and qu...

2010-02-16T14:24:27.569-07:00

I'm 27 years old and never wanted kids (and quite frankly, never understood why people want them). The older I get, the happier (and more thankful) I am. It's been a great release letting inquisitive minds know my husband and I are childfree. We've met some great CF people and hope to build our relationships with them in addition to living the life we want!

If there's one thing I've learned in my short time, people will always tell you how to live your life... from what clothes to wear, car to buy, man to date, how much you "need" kids... you just have to listen to your heart and do what you want! I'm looking forward to the 30s, 40s, 50s and on... being me, and being childFREE!

I'm gonna be hitting the big 5-0 in April. So...

2010-02-01T14:59:23.048-07:00

I'm gonna be hitting the big 5-0 in April. So many women my age are not only dealing with needy-assed grown children, but are guilted into raising grandchildren, as well. Not me! I seriously wonder how these people ever expect to be able to retire. But we can afford to take trips, buy toys, do fun stuff, and still save for retirement.

My hubby got snipped a long time ago. And now, I've gone through menopause, so now there's no chance of me getting knocked up. We have absolutely NO regrets about it all. We don't feel as if we missed anything, rather, we think about what we would have missed, if we'd had kids.

Happy 30th, CF Chick!

No need to wig out. If you think you're lucky...

2010-02-01T12:07:26.030-07:00

No need to wig out. If you think you're lucky now at almost 30, just wait until you're pushing 40 (I'm 39). All my friends who had kids are less financially stable, don't have the "toys" I have, can't go on trips on a whim, must constantly be wary of staying out too late because hubby might get mad at having to take care of the kids by himself, and are barraged by their children constantly saying "Mommy, I WANT...Mommy, I WANT!" In fact, all those women I know look downright OLD next to me. They go shopping with me and remember fondly the days of being a size 2 with a flat stomach and no stretch marks.

Trust me sister, it only gets better from here!

Hey Chick, I loved turning 30. I had 2 parties, o...

2010-02-01T04:25:11.022-07:00

Hey Chick, I loved turning 30. I had 2 parties, one in my hometown of Sydney and one where I live with my husband. I love being in my 30s, perhapss because I feel more settled. I'm turning 36 in June and look forward to it. All other women my age are freaking out about getting older. Maybe it is because I don't have the stress of a ticking biological clock :-)

Hey V! Love this...I'm really starting to bel...

2010-01-31T21:27:50.529-07:00

Hey V!

Love this...I'm really starting to believe that looking at the lives of people with kids- and I mean REALLY observing them is very important for us because you can't fully appreciate your freedom without observing those who've had theirs taken away.

Awesome to hear a perspective from the childfree 4...

2010-01-31T21:09:12.795-07:00

Awesome to hear a perspective from the childfree 40's! The running theme again is...childfreedom gets better with age.

Lynn thanks for the kind words...I'm loving th...

2010-01-31T21:06:18.965-07:00

Lynn thanks for the kind words...I'm loving the comment you posted because you are living proof that childfreedom enhances life the longer you're around to live it. I have no doubt that the 30's of childfree women are positively amazing and filled with opportunities and adventures they wouldn't otherwise have if they'd become mothers.

Your mom knows her stuff and really, I think it...

2010-01-31T20:56:09.436-07:00

Your mom knows her stuff and really, I think it's probably be normal to freak out about age in your early 20's...the whole "quarter-life crisis" thing is pretty accurate IMO.

Oh and that video was magnificent. Wow...soooo many of my friends have taken a variation of that route it's like watching a biography of at least 4 of the people I know LOL!

FEELING IT, AS ALWAYS! I think my life would be a...

2010-01-31T14:30:30.469-07:00

FEELING IT, AS ALWAYS! I think my life would be a heap WORSE if I had chosen to have a child. I see the lives of my sister, brother, cousins, aunts, uncles, and I know I made the right choice! I'm so glad I'm CF, and proud to let others know! Some may take issue with it, some may think, "Ok, whatever," but in the end, my life, my body, MY CHOICE.

Loved this post--at 42 I have never, ever, even on...

2010-01-31T11:24:40.849-07:00

Loved this post--at 42 I have never, ever, even once, regretted my decision to remain child-free. I am happier and more confident than I have ever been, and thoroughly enjoy my child-free life with my husband and that we can make our own schedule, travel when it's convenient for us, spend lots of time on our work...no regrets whatsoever.

That's a good one, Lynn! About the no limits t...

2010-01-31T09:57:00.867-07:00

That's a good one, Lynn! About the no limits to your age thing. When I see women in their thirties, they are always fussing: should I have a child now, or should I do some more travelling? What about a carreer? Gee, my current boyfriend is kind of a dick and I can't imagine spending the rest of my life with him, but if I break up with him now, will I find a new one in time to have children with before the biological clock runs out? Maybe I should play it safe and just settle...

Not for us!

I really love this post. I am 37 and I remember tu...

2010-01-31T08:41:19.587-07:00

I really love this post. I am 37 and I remember turning 30. I had a party for myself at a local restaurant and invited about 30 girlfriends to attend. It was a great party. At the time I was excited about turning 30 because I knew my 30’s would be the next chapter in my life and filled with new and thrilling experiences. I was like you in a lot of ways. I could come and go when I pleased. I traveled all the time with my fabulous gay husband. We spend the holidays in South Beach or Vegas etc. The one thing I remembered about turning 30 was there were no limits to my age. I never wanted children so I was in no rush to find a husband and hurry up and get married, then pregnant. It was such a liberating experience. So, when I was 33 I met my now husband of a little over a year, he was a 22 year engineering student at the time. We had the best time dating. I had told him early on that I was not having any children. He said he never wanted them either. The problem was every time we had sex it was extremely stressful. (Every time you talk about birth control and what a nightmare it is it breaks my heart. I remember all the anxiety that went along with having sex and not getting pregnant when I was dating. It was just awful.) We worried about me getting pregnant and how would we feel about getting an abortion. So my husband got a vasectomy 2 months before our wedding as my wedding gift. It was the best gift I have ever received. We are always reminded how much we LOVE our childfree life when we sleep in late, go away for a romantic weekend, eat at a restaurant that does not have crayons at the hostess stand, buy a car without a back seat, remodel the bathroom instead of adding a nursery, have sex in the kitchen while cleaning up the breakfast dishes, go to movies and don’t have to find a sitter or pay one, when we think about taking a trip with our bonus money instead of paying for a child’s braces and so on. You are a fantastic woman and I can’t wait to see the wonderful things your 30’s hold for you. Enjoy the ride and Happy Birthday!

By the way, I found a short clip (four minutes or ...

2010-01-31T04:11:58.455-07:00

By the way, I found a short clip (four minutes or so) that sums up, I think, every childfree (wo)man's worst fears. You'll love it XD

http://www.break.com/index/i-guess-youll-do1.html

I've been there too, the crying part I mean. I...

2010-01-31T04:03:46.907-07:00

I've been there too, the crying part I mean. I'm turning 24 in March and a few days ago, I suddenly realized "... shit! One third of my life is over already!". Then I saw a dead duck in a pond that had frozen overnight, it was a duck that I used to feed every other day and now she was suddenly dead. And I started bawling like a baby, because maybe I was next! Maybe it's delayed hormones or something, I've never had a particulairly wild puberty or something like that.

I'm so glad I'm childfree though. Even though I'm only (already?) 23, I have friends who are pregnant and one of them just had her first kid. my first thought?

Oh, HELL no!

She kept convincing me it was so much fun and I would get a special bond with nature (which, as a hopeless 'Avatar' fangirl, I'm a major sucker for) and if I would just have the kid, I would somehow magically understand the meaning of life.

I asked my mother about this, because a (very!) small part of me was beginning to doubt if I wasn't missing out on some amazing womanly experience. My mother laughed and said "trust me, honey, she's lying through her teeth." "But she's my best friend!" I protested. My mom said "Yes, but don't be to hard on her. She lied to herself first, because she realized 'shit, I had a baby at 23 and now I can't go back', and she things that if she can convince someone, even if it's one person, to make the same choice, it will validate her decision." Of course she was quick to add that she NEVER regretted having me or my sister, but that she knew in advance that it was going to be extremely hard work, especially in the early years. And that if you don't want a baby now, you're not going to want it when it's born.