Comments on Childfree Clique: SAHM's: Disrupt Their Delusion At Your Own Risk.

A lot of flexible jobs that are during school hour...

2010-11-07T21:57:01.844-07:00

A lot of flexible jobs that are during school hours or when a spouse of family member can watch the kids are sucky job. lol

A different perspective. I have a Master's Deg...

2010-02-20T15:15:21.190-07:00

A different perspective. I have a Master's Degree and had a wonderful job as a teacher. I still keep up my credentials and plan to return to work when my kids are in school full time.

I chose to be a SAHM because I do believe that kids are better off when raised by a parent. Daycares put one adult in charge of up to 5 infants or up to 10 toddlers. Your children do not get the same attention and will therefore, end up acting out as a way to get some sort of attention.

I feel that if you want children, then it is your responsibility to raise them. If you would rather not raise a child, then do not have kids. Go play with someone else's kids. It is not mandatory to procreate. Kudos to those who recognize this and do not have kids just because "that is what you are supposed to do". That is stupid.

I chose to have a child and now it is my job to make sure that they turn out relatively okay. When my kids are 5 years old- they will be in school all day and I will return to work. I feel like a few years of sacrifice will not hurt my financial well-being in the long run and I will have plenty of time to work and earn money for my future.

It is a sacrifice to have kids- but that is kind of the point. It is also no excuse. Not an excuse to dump them because you "can't stand to be at home all day" or an excuse to never work again and assume someone else will provide for your for the rest of your life.

There is a happy medium and you can do what is best for your kid and still be a financially responsible adult.

The dirty secret is: the majority of women who bec...

2010-01-05T18:11:33.811-07:00

The dirty secret is: the majority of women who become young mothers were intimidated at finding a career. They were intimidated at job reviews. Why do that when you get hugs and kisses and are bigger and the boss of your kids? Why work at a grey little job, trolling along, when you can be with your kid all day?

Of course, someone has to subsidize.

Another dirty secret: too many women, particularly in small town cultures, see the road to getting a house as getting knocked up and married. Like you couldn't get your own house. A kid is financial security and a retirement plan. Used to be, a man was a plan. Still is, but getting knocked up by the "right" man can also be a path to a check and property. So many jobs already assigned to the kid before it is even born.

Another dirty secret: the growth of conservative churches during the last decades were due to that population bulge of mothers who wanted to stay at home and wanted to have God tell them it was their Role. So it is unquestioned, you see. The population of conservative churches, except for Mormons are going down now that the kids have grown up and the alarm of having to defend your choice to not have to worry about a job is less now. Coincidence? Nope.

It always surprises me at supposed feminist sites always equate women with mother. And they put all discrimination and job issues all on "if only they supported mothers" they never explain that the childfree women are also promoted in fewer numbers and face discrimination.

It is a false argument that "if only for my kid" I'd be on the Supreme Court, CEO, hot model, manager, director, artist.... but you see it made implicitly on feminist sites all the time - as if there is no more sexism, just motherism.

I think they are pissed, because we are seeing rig...

2009-12-12T05:24:38.848-07:00

I think they are pissed, because we are seeing right through their lame excuses. 99 percent doesn't want to stay home to "be there" for their kids, they are tired of their sucky jobs, yet are too lazy to put some effort into finding one they do like. They are afraid of the big bad outside world.

I've put comments like yours on "feminist...

2009-12-11T21:34:57.682-07:00

I've put comments like yours on "feminist" sites and been viciously attacked. How would you deal with having to get back into the workplace - would you earn enough and have the benefits to support a household?

Man, I've gotten screeds on how the government should pay mothers, how I'm antifeminist for questioning choice - I should support the choice of all women, etc, etc. Yet, isn't it grownup to ask these questions on basic preparation?

In some cases, I've seen young women go to stay-at-home motherhood because their jobs really sucked and they never prepared academically or experience-wise to ever get employment. Yet motherhood gives their lives meaning. Sure. Yet.... Isn't it the "being the parent and adult part" to prepare to be capable of taking a job for more than minimum wage if need be? Ask the question on some feminist sites, and you'll get attacked.

I think that the past conservative bubble was all about a population bubble of women who wanted to justify stay-at-homeness without any question and even, group church support if their HUSBAND questioned it. And if you do it about what God tells you to do, all those straightup questions you don't have to answer. God will provide if you are a good girl and a good wife. Men's faults and a lack of family prosperity is due to the woman falling from faith. And pregnancy and having children is a state of grace. God will prevent all sorts of bad things if you are a good faithful girl....

Bah. Why do the idiots have to learn everything the hard way? Have we not learned what suffering our great grandmothers, grandmothers, and mothers had by falling for the "good faithful girl nothing goes wrong" myth?

My sister's soon-to-be MIL had the same idea. ...

2009-12-11T07:44:30.229-07:00

My sister's soon-to-be MIL had the same idea. She didn't need to work, because she was already doing The Most Important Job In The World! And now at age 55 she's fucked, because her husband treats her like shit and she doesn't have a penny to her name. My sister and her fiance (the woman's only son who still has contact with his parents) offered to help, but all the years of cowering have broken her spirit. She couldn't leave back then because she had no money, and she can't leave now, because she has lost her spirit. It's really sad and made me even more determined to stay financially independent, should I ever get married. You don't know what the future will bring, and I want to be able to get the fuck out of a relationship, should things take a turn for the worst.

Good for you for speaking the truth! This reminds...

2009-12-09T11:00:21.217-07:00

Good for you for speaking the truth!

This reminds me of a conversation I had with someone on a board. I had mentioned that my BF and I were not getting married for various reasons, but we would set up powers of attorney and the like instead.

She says, "Good. I wouldn't want you to stay with him all those years and end up with nothing."

Like my career and investments are going to vanish instantly if I move in with him? GMAFB!

I just found this blog and -- God, I love it so ha...

2009-12-08T05:16:15.012-07:00

I just found this blog and -- God, I love it so hard. Thanks you so much for calling bullshit!!!

My husband and I were each raised by SAHMs. Guess what? It sucked, for exactly the reasons you mentioned.

In my case, my mother's decision (then common) not to work meant we were utterly dependent on my father who turned out to be an abusive asshole who made my life a living hell. My mother (who is a sweet woman with good intentions) was in major denial because she could not leave without risking poverty for both me and her. She had no power or leverage whatsoever to protect me from abuse by the madman we were living with, so all she could do was stand by helplessly while her child was being emotionally and physically tormented. I am still dealing with the psychological fall-out 30 years later.

In my husband's case, his father suddenly decided to run off with his girlfriend AND stop working altogether, going from a stable job to a sort of transient-handyman lifestyle. This left his mother with no sills, no work experience, no possibility of collecting child support, and two small children to support.

"staying at home, rearing the next generation...

2009-12-05T21:31:39.104-07:00

"staying at home, rearing the next generation (which I'm currently doing)"

So, I'm a proud SAHM and I rolled my eyes at this self-important bullshit. Wow. The only reason I can see for her being so defensive is because she knows you hit a nerve. That was not a content, secure woman at all.

First off, thanks for the laugh! and for the book ...

2009-12-05T15:22:44.422-07:00

First off, thanks for the laugh! and for the book recommendation :-) I just love reading your posts! People around me still like for me to feel the crazy one for not propegating the myth that there is nothing better than cashing your life in to launch a crotch rocket.
This lady clearly is not comfortable with the burden she is putting on her husband so SHE can stay home and NOT get a job to help support her family. Like she is doing the kids some favor or something! My lazy @ss sil sounds just like that crazy hag. She refused to get a job even though my brother's hours were cut, and their mortgage was falling behind.
Women who stay home are only doing ONE person a favor- THEMSELVES! Lazy ass b!tches! She even said her Mom worked when she was growing up and she really respected that... guess she doesn't care if her kids respect her, or can afford to go to college, or have a place to go when daddy dumps Mommy's sorry ass for a real woman!
That said you couldn't pay me enough money to stay at home to wipe noses and butts all day! I'd work at McDonald's first just to raise the quality of my life!
Thanks again! Rock on Shannon in NH

The Feminine Mistake is truly one of the best read...

2009-12-04T09:14:05.489-07:00

The Feminine Mistake is truly one of the best reads for women today. The idea that marriage is all-encompassing and having a kid is the ultimate paragon of security is a gross delusion that takes nearly all women laboring under it unawares.

A household budget is simple math; and last time I checked, marital vows don't have a per-annum. I would really like to see what she would do should something happen in her marriage. Vows are worth very little nowadays, if anything at all.

Yes, it's scary to think about, but what's worse: unpleasant thought and planning in advance or having the situation blindside you on an idle Tuesday? Common bloody sense, and yet it seems to be a rarity.

I've also yet to see a happy SAHM - or a happy mom in general - get defensive about her choices in life. Friend of mine works and while I'm sure she'd love not to so as to spend time with her kid, I've yet to hear anything of the sort that you got from the mombie.

This is why, if I have more than a line or two to ...

2009-12-04T08:06:38.664-07:00

This is why, if I have more than a line or two to say to someone on facebook, I just send it through the facebook email system. Then no one else can butt into the conversation.

Don't worry about what her idiot friends say/think. As long as your friend was receptive of the message, that's all that matters.

"Why plan for disaster?" Gaaahhhhhhhhh....

2009-12-04T07:10:37.038-07:00

"Why plan for disaster?"

Gaaahhhhhhhhh. Dear Ceiling Cat, why indeed?

I'm always under the impression that my disaster planning is inadequate and needs to be improved. I still don't own a fire extinguisher or a shotgun (two oversights I mean to correct in the near future), and I have no idea where the first aid kit is. I still haven't packed a "bug-out bag" for my wife and myself — something that would have clothes, food for us and our cats, and other basic supplies if we suddenly needed to leave home on short notice (whether it be as mundane as one of us being hospitalized, or as extravagant as a terrorist attack).

I could add a dozen or so items to that list, but my point is that these are failings of mine, just the same as depending on someone else for income without a backup plan is a failing of various SAHMs. I certainly don't celebrate my failings, and I intend to correct them as time goes on; I wish I could say the same for these women who seem oblivious of what the future might hold.

Charlyn- My parents did too and I turned out fine!...

2009-12-03T22:42:17.592-07:00

Charlyn- My parents did too and I turned out fine!

Also, regarding the "she may get half" thing, that is rare in most instances (except for Hollywood).

Regular working men are never required to give a wife "half of his earnings". Splitting the assets acquired during marriage, yes, but half of all of his money? No. Women are notoriously less better off after a divorce than men, contrary to popular belief, their standard of living goes way down.

I believe you have to be married a certain length of time to even qualify for long term alimony and frankly, most marriages that end in divorce end before the 8 year mark.

BOTH of my parents worked full time while doing a ...

2009-12-03T22:16:10.316-07:00

BOTH of my parents worked full time while doing a fine job of raising the next generation, thank-you-very-much. And the 'Vow' thing was just kinda creepy; people (men AND women) break their vows all the time for all kinds of reasons. Of course, she's in the position of knowing that a court would probably grant her half of everything he owns if he decides that he wants out anyway. Feh! Whatever!

Bleck! They always try to sound so heroic too; &qu...

2009-12-03T21:31:08.829-07:00

Bleck! They always try to sound so heroic too; "staying at home, rearing the next generation (which I'm currently doing)". Please. You are taking care of the kids YOU brought into the world. "Rearing the next generation" makes it sound as if you are singlehandedly grooming an army of kids solely for the betterment of society.

Oh my stars, aren't you a hero and a saint for sacrificing a job for your kids!

In all likelihood, this bird hated her job (and the notion of "work" in general) and longed for the day a guy would come along to rescue her from it so long as she popped out his babies on demand. And now, in her words, she wants to be "applauded" for it and not reminded of what the consequences could be.

Well, I'm with you Childfree Chick. I have zero applause for someone not taking any control whatsoever of their financial destiny.

I'll pick up Ms. Bennetts book too, sounds like a very good read!