Comments on Childfree Clique: Hating Every Minute Of Mommyhood...

Never wanted kids. Just turned 25 last month, and...

2009-05-23T20:57:54.133-07:00

Never wanted kids. Just turned 25 last month, and was starting to feel like I might be able to change my mind when the little boy standing in line with his mother in front of me turned around and gave me a cheeky smile, or the two little blonde twins on the bus (all being well-behaved though). But I thought about the flip side of the coin. I typed in "I hate being a mother" in Google and found one of the blogs you quote from. Now, I feel like my old self again. Brain=1, Biological Clock=0

Hi everyone. If I ever read anything so sad in al...

2009-04-19T08:52:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone.

If I ever read anything so sad in all my life. This has to be it. There is nothing these women can do now. ITS TOO LATE. they have to get on with it. See through the 20 years it takes to get there freedom back. BUT the GOOD SIDE to all these comments. Any young woman 19 or over remotely curious whether they might be mothers one day, will only bring them closer to a decision.

Just to let you know. I am one of those rare 47 year old black women without kids because she DID NOT WANTS KIDS. Not because I am infertile, or alone. Simple choice. Anyway sistas have a cool day.

Disillusionment is part of maturity.

Intell...

2009-02-04T16:32:00.000-07:00

Disillusionment is part of maturity.

Intelligence can accelerate maturity and circumvent disillusionment.

Choosing not to breed is a high form of intelligence, and highly intelligent people are generally less likely to breed than the stupid. This doesn't bode well for humanity's overall IQ...but the Buddhists have the answer to all that.

I have no sympathy for any of these people. I've been told often that I'm a warm and sympathetic person. But nobody with kids today--especially kids under 5-- can claim that there isn't plenty of information out there about how miserable parenting can be.

I do have empathy for the resented/unwanted kids. Who were obviously spawned for ego reasons that can't hold up in the cold light of day.

What pisses me the most is the ones who say, "Don't get me wrong, I love them!"

These people have a form of Stockholm Syndrome: they are now aware that they are being held complete prisoners of a tyrannical larval human being's whims, and the tyrannical view of others around that incarceration. Instead of lobbying to throw off their shackles--or get snipped--they whine and claim that, no really, they LOVE their jailers.

Yeah, whatever. I only wish that miserable parents were the ones getting $2 million contracts and daytime TV interviews. Instead of the runt-grunters.

I realize I'm a hardline CF; I've had to battle like a lioness for my boundaries for over half a century, from the first moment my mother--who hated being a mother--tried forcing me to play with baby dolls, which I soundly rejected.

My hope is that it might someday be possible for there to be more thinking up front and less regret in the long term.

YKYM

Oh, but Mommyhood is EVER so enjoyable when one ca...

2009-01-27T15:23:00.000-07:00

Oh, but Mommyhood is EVER so enjoyable when one can contribute to a photo contest like this one: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/contribute/sn/gallery?plckGalleryID=e4d90689-df96-46a7-90a0-ef80b65015f5&plckPageNum=1

Am I the only one who finds this disgusting on several levels?

*hork*

I don't understand at all why it has long been con...

2009-01-27T09:06:00.000-07:00

I don't understand at all why it has long been considered "virtuous" to become a mother. Like other women, I have never been drawn to babies or young children. I know without a doubt I would be a terrible mother. I know there are some women who feel the same but go ahead and have a baby to make either their spouses, parents or in-laws happy. I have no desire: zero. My own mother has told me multiple times that I will be sad and lonely at 40 and 50 years old with no kids or grandchildren. How can I believe that? All humans are lonely sometimes, but stay-at-home mothers pretending to be happy and fulfilled seem to be the most lonely, in my opinion.

These are the awful truths about being a mother......

2009-01-26T13:47:00.000-07:00

These are the awful truths about being a mother... I know better than to deliberately derail my life just because I want to have a child.
Motherhood is NOT the joy and wonder that is perpetually glorified, it's just 18 years of drudgery and loss of freedom. And worse, they just take the plunge like sheep and not even think about WHY they want children, and now they're stuck with the consequences.
I can clearly see why motherhood would not be worth it just from these confessions alone. I can only wonder why their relationships and marriages are going downhill...

I'm trying to figure out why so many kept breeding...

2009-01-25T14:18:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to figure out why so many kept breeding after they realized it sucked so much for them.

Pfft, I could have wrote some of those things. I have one child, and yeah, it's not roses and fireworks. It's hard and boring most of the time. That's life. So, we learned our lesson and my husband had a vasectomy. No reason to keep literally breeding resentment.

I guess I'll never know the answer. I see so many idiots on message boards complaining about how they hate their lives with children and want to run away with TTC blinkies in their sigs. I simply don't get it.

I just don't get it why most of the people don't r...

2009-01-22T00:47:00.000-07:00

I just don't get it why most of the people don't realize that having children is very hard. Most of my friends have children and I don't like what they have become or what their lives have become. They don't seem to enjoy it. They say that they are bored and want me to come and visit. I don't enjoy being with children. I'm not interested in baby stuff and that is all I hear when I'm with my mommy friends. They know how I feel, but I guess there is nothing else going on in their lives.

We just got told by an acquaintance that we can have children later and enjoy our life now or have children now and enjoy our life later. For that person it was unimaginable that we would not have children now or never.

I want to enjoy my life now and later. Having children would be a total nightmare for me. So why should I have children. I don't like them. I see no reason what so ever to have children.

I also get this warm and happy feeling sometimes when I see children who are behaving badly or are very annoying, then I think they are not mine, I don't have to take them home. I don't have to have children. I'm free!

I had a nightmare yesterday morning that I was stu...

2009-01-21T21:47:00.000-07:00

I had a nightmare yesterday morning that I was stuck in the Overlook Hotel with an ax-wielding Jack Torrance, straight out of the movie The Shining. I do not make this up.

This morning I dreamt that my cat had electrocuted himself and was severely injured and I had a fight with my x husband about it. I was never more glad to wake up in my life.

These stories are so much scarier than any of the above, there are no words.

I noticed that a lot of those nightmares have more than one kid. If parenthood sucked so much, why did they not discover this fact after the first one? If it was so horrible, why did they keep reproducing??

I'd feel more sorry if I could have gotten the ide...

2009-01-20T15:48:00.000-07:00

I'd feel more sorry if I could have gotten the idea that these people had taken even 2 minutes to think about all the things that go into raising another person up from infancy. It is not a mysterious process, and can be pretty much figured out logically. Barring logic, we are surrounded by parents and children, we were children once, we may have done some work with children and we may have honest parents around to consult. Simply put, it is not that hard to find out that parenting is hard work.

These people, instead of thinking "Do I want to spend the next 20 years 24-7 working for someone else's benefit?", chose to buy into "butterfly kisses" and "kodak moments" only to have cold, harsh reality slap them in the face. Like VLM, I say Bed. Made. Lie.

This is precisely why I did not have kids, because...

2009-01-20T08:13:00.000-07:00

This is precisely why I did not have kids, because I knew it would be several levels of hell for me. I have very little patience for children and their constant demands, plus I love adult conversation and adult activities too much to have to listen to the babbling of baybees.

I have a good friend who is stuck with his stepson alot, and he says he never gets a break. I told him that I wake up every morning to a quiet house, only kitties meowing for food, and I spend each and every day exactly as I wish. Welcome to my world :)

Wow. I don't know whether to feel bad for these pe...

2009-01-20T07:11:00.000-07:00

Wow. I don't know whether to feel bad for these people or be like - it's your fault, you didnt completely think it through. I especially feel for the woman who has no family and no friends - I would NEVER put myself in that spot, no matter if you have kids or not, you always need a network, something and someone to help get you through

I have, in the past, questioned the CF choice. Mai...

2009-01-19T06:20:00.000-07:00

I have, in the past, questioned the CF choice. Mainly because of curiosity. My DH was an astonishingly cute baby. But, in recent years, I have become cemented and occasionally I will have those days where I am just ELATED that I don't and will never have kids. This warm feeling flows through my body and soul and I get a rush of excitement and happiness. Reading this post gave me that feeling; my eyes are watering because I am SO glad I will never have to deal with the trials, tribulations, and pitfalls of parenthood!

I think one of the main pitfalls is curiosity. If ...

2009-01-18T03:02:00.000-07:00

I think one of the main pitfalls is curiosity. If I even change my mind and have children (very unlikely), curiosity will be my undoing. I'm the kind of girl who reads wikipedia for hours and has to know EVERYTHING. I can't help but wonder what it would be like to have children of my own... I only know it will suck, but just HOW would it suck EXACTELY? Sigh... me and my inquisitive nature...

These women need to address every Life Skills clas...

2009-01-17T18:50:00.000-07:00

These women need to address every Life Skills class in every high school that offers these classes.

Another thing that occurs to me is that some of the women reading those posts will think "Oh, that won't happen to meeee because I'm better/richer/more educated/more self-aware than these ungrateful bitches" So many people just can't face the damn truth sometimes.

My final thought: Bed made. Lie, bitches. No one forced you to get pregnant. This is not communist Romania where women were forced to bear workers for the state.

Oh, my.....the horrors........SO.GLAD.TO.BE.CF!!!<...

2009-01-16T18:29:00.000-07:00

Oh, my.....the horrors........SO.GLAD.TO.BE.CF!!!

On the one hand, I sort of feel of sorry for these people. They bought into the fib that parenthood/pregnancy/childbirth would go smoothly and be this wonderful, beautiful, breathtaking experience for which they would be forever grateful.

On the other hand, I read the stories and immediately, the phrase BED.MADE.LIE pops into my frame of mind. They had a choice, they made it, and now it is with deep regret and sorrow that they have to live with it.

At least they can blog about it and post anonymously at TMC and TDC.

~V~