Comments on Childfree Clique: Sad News: Baby On Board

I found this site using [url=http://google.com]goo...

2009-11-08T16:10:57.907-07:00

I found this site using [url=http://google.com]google.com[/url] And i want to thank you for your work. You have done really very good site. Great work, great site! Thank you!

Sorry for offtopic

bff just told me she's pregnant. this post was the...

2009-08-13T15:17:12.753-07:00

bff just told me she's pregnant. this post was the first thing i clicked on after searching "best friend pregnant childfree me". lol. trying to stay positive. but really annoyed. i know it'll pass. i'll be the cool aunt, etc. one upside is that i know they'll ask me to babysit and i will fill that kid's head with my beliefs (pro environment, women, animal rights, equity/diversity). really trying to look on the bright side.
but the whole point of writing was to say thanks. i'd feel very alone without the cf movement.

Yeah chick, don't you relize it's your job to alie...

2009-02-28T15:05:00.000-07:00

Yeah chick, don't you relize it's your job to alienate everyone special in your life for their reproductive choices! LOLOL! The very thing we childfree people HATE to have done to us, this Anon troll things you should do or else you're a hypocrite. LOL!

How FUCKING ignorant. No wonder this douche is friendless. Something like 89% of people have or will have kids. The odds of being and having a support system to loved ones are not in favor of asshats like this clearly.

Anywhoo I admire you for being there for your friend because of how hard it is. the fact that you love her so much and have agonized and are asking these questions of yourself indicates you are a thinking, feeling, genuine person. Please keep us posted on how it goes with this.

Off to catch up on your other posts.

-K

Did you just call her getting knocked up a "betray...

2009-02-27T19:30:50.504-07:00

Did you just call her getting knocked up a "betrayal? HAHAHA! Wow, that is the funniest thing I have ever read so forgive me if I can't take your ridiculous comment seriously. I knew she was probably gonna have kids one day so how is it a betrayal?...

Wow, with this "logic" it's no wonder you've lost so many friends! Sorry I'm just not that petty.

If she and I grow apart after this baby, it is what it is. But I'm not going to stop supporting someone I have had a beautiful friendship with, who has supported me thru EVERY hardship I've had the past few years because she's having a baby.

I don't know about this, CFChick. I kind of feel ...

2009-02-27T18:31:00.000-07:00

I don't know about this, CFChick. I kind of feel like you are being hypocritical here ... why didn't you tell her how you really feel? We are all afraid to hurt our relationships, but you know it's over anyway now that she has crotchfruit spawning. I have lost friends over this (and less) before because well, maybe I'm just a controlling asshole but I demand more of my friends than this kind of betrayal.

Yeah, they have obligations to family and spouse above you and you can't purport to dictate their lives to them, but DAMN ... would you let a friend jump on a grenade, take out a sub-prime mortgage, or drive drunk? What kind of friends are we if we don't speak up as CF people and let others know the secret to [relative] happiness? This cannot be just 'oh it's my choice only feel free to dismiss me as some weirdo'. We have to stand up and protect the people we care about, too.

Don't we?

You are a good friend. You're not wishing misery, ...

2009-02-26T20:09:00.000-07:00

You are a good friend. You're not wishing misery, you're just being realistic. This is a life altering decision. It's not like cutting your hair and deciding you don't like it and letting it grow again. Once this deed is done, that is it! No do-over. No take backs.

I hope this experience is all that she hopes and dreams, but it may not be. When she comes to realize this is when she will need you. She'll need someone who won't think that she is a terrible person if she says that having a kid was the biggest mistake of her life.

I'm going through a similar thing right now with a...

2009-02-26T19:01:00.000-07:00

I'm going through a similar thing right now with a friend who is undergoing IVF treatments. What makes it even more difficult is knowing that SHE doesn't want this kid(s), either: she's doing it for her husband, and hoping that she'll feel differently once it (or they--she had 3 implanted) are born.

As a survivor of child abuse--the root of which was being unwanted--I'm about the only one advocating for this (possible) child. But my friend feels like she "can't" wait till she's "ready" to have children because she's already 38, and her husband has "waited patiently" for the past 6 years. It's just sad.

She hates noise & disorder. What does she think a baby will do? What if she has a child with special needs? What if she has triplets? What if, God forbid, she has triplets with special needs??!!

I am (secretly) hoping like hell she's not pregnant right now.

Very rarely do I hear of a pregnancy and immediate...

2009-02-25T10:38:00.000-07:00

Very rarely do I hear of a pregnancy and immediately think "congratulations." So few people who get pregnant are actually in a good position to have children that my first reaction is almost always, "is that a good thing or a bad thing?" Because looking at them from the outside, it usually seems to me that this might be a bad thing. But they WANT a baby and think it will solve all of their problems, so they don't consider financial, emotional, or logistical concerns.

There are lots of on-line groups and resources for people without local support, though, so-called "baby boards," where your friend can find information and a community even though she is far from friends and family.

You don't have to be positive all the time. Part of being a friend is being honest and sympathetic, not endlessly cheerful. But if it should become too much for you, you're also not required to remain friends with someone who exhausts you and with whom you have nothing in common any longer.

Suggest to your friend that she join aLamaze class...

2009-02-25T10:14:00.000-07:00

Suggest to your friend that she join a
Lamaze class or other class that will instruct her about birth, pregnancy, pregnancy with diabetes, parenting, all that stuff. She will make friends with other mothers-to-be in similar situations as my elder sister did.

And when you have a support system with other mothers, you are more likely to get a sitter when your CF friend blows into town to take you out for a kiddie free night!

Oh no...this situation sounds eerily familiar to m...

2009-02-25T06:44:00.000-07:00

Oh no...this situation sounds eerily familiar to me, and it doesn't have a happy ending. My soon-to-be-ex-husband's first wife, also a Type 1 diabetic, was informed by a doctor when she was in her mid-twenties that because of her diabetes, if she wanted to have a child, she better get on that old babymaking train right quick.

She started looking around for some poor unsuspecting sap she could use as a walking wallet and sperm donor, and unfortunately she snagged my DH. They got married when he was only 23 and she was 26. Poor guy never knew what hit him. Next thing you know, "I'm pregnant!" Never mind that they hadn't discussed when/if they were going to have kids, they had only been married for 10 months when she got pregnant, and she stopped taking birth control without telling him. Nice. So my stepson arrived in due course, and once the desired accessory (aka this new human being she HAD to have) had been produced she pretty much checked out of child-rearing and their marriage. There's way too much backstory here; I could write about this evil, horrible woman for pages.

Suffice to say my DH was completely miserable, coaxed into marriage by someone who didn't even love him, and stuck with a kid he wasn't really sure he wanted.

Blah blah blah, he left her in 2001, we started our relationship that year, got married in 2004, and yep, now we're getting divorced. I instigated it. One of the major reasons was my stepson moved in with us full time last summer.

"Disaster" does not begin to describe the situation. There are other factors involved but a biggie was I fucking hate being a full-time step-parent and I fucking hate the evil bitch who is DH's first wife. You know the phrase "toxic person"? It was created just for her. I couldn't bear the thought of having to have her in my/our lives forever. The one person I don't hate in this whole sceanrio is my stepson. Despite his idiotic mother and the upheaval he's had in his short life (he's 13) he is actually a decent kid.

The endless spiral of drama, perpetuated throughout the years, because some doctor told this woman she better have a kid soon if she wanted to at all. Everyone would have been better off if he'd just said it wasn't a good idea at all.

Well, I for one decided to extricate myself from the tangled web. I have a chance to put my life back on a better path. And I've vowed that the next time I get involved with anyone (or not, who knows) ABSOLUTELY NO KIDS OR EX-WIVES. I wish I had known what the word "childfree" meant when I started my relationship with my DH. I doubt we would ever have gotten together. I'm the cautionary tale to end all tales about CF people getting involved with divorced people with kids. My advice to anyone else is RUN AWAY!!! RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN AND NEVER LOOK BACK!!

Can I just say that you just described how I felt ...

2009-02-24T17:22:00.000-07:00

Can I just say that you just described how I felt nearly 9 months ago? My best friend in the world, (I'll call her "Sarah"), is going to give birth (gag) within the next three weeks. Sarah got knocked up by her loser boyfriend, who has no steady income or self-motivation. We slowly drifted apart afterward, probably because she already knew my view of mothers/motherhood/babies. She keeps saying she'll catch up with me, but already, there is nothing coming out of her mouth except baby-shit talk. She was going to graduate college next spring. Say goodbye to your goals, dreams and aspirations. She's become less interesting, irritating and quite frankly, I don't even know if our friendship is still there. All because some asshole forgot a condom. Goddamnit.

God Dammit. You made me cry.I'm aching for you and...

2009-02-24T17:17:00.000-07:00

God Dammit. You made me cry.

I'm aching for you and your friend.

Look - I'm a fencesitter we know that, but in all of my friends eyes, I'm a CFer... two of my best friends have children, and although I wasn't there when they had their kids, I can tell you they don't look at me badly for not wanting children, they understand it is my choice.

It'll be hard for your friend to relate for awhile, but you know what, friends change. We go through different things together and separate and it's your job as a friend to just be there for her, even if it's just to listen. She'll do the same for you too.

I can relate to whats going on... my BFF is engaged to an asshole, an emotionally and physically abusive asshole. I hate him. I hate what he does to her, what he's turned her into, and how he has sucked all of the joy out of her and out of her life. When I envision their life together (and the gaggle of children he'll be bound to knock her up with) all I see is endless misery and I go back and forth feeling guilty about thinking those thoughts and thinking that I'm a horrible friend.

You know what makes me not?

I cry. I have feelings. I know that I don't want the worse from her. I want her to be happy, even if asshole did a 180 and became a good guy. I want the best for her, but I just don't see it in the path she is choosing for herself.

Babies are lifetime commitments, but you did say she always wanted children... sometimes even if it's the hardest path, bringing in a child and stuff not working out, for some people they wouldn't change anything for the world, even if it's hard and not the best situation, even if people like you and I shake at the thought.

Just be there, try to be positive and have someone else there that understand where you're coming from to vent to, this way you can get things off your chest when you need to.

My thoughts are with you, I feel you 100%.