Comments on Childfree Clique: It's Been A While...

This might sound strange, but I'm a mother and...

2011-03-23T12:42:08.319-07:00

This might sound strange, but I'm a mother and I love your blog, lol! For a long time my husband and I did not want children of our own. I've always loved kids, other peoples kids. I could get a little dose of baby then return them to their "owners", but as I started approaching my 30's my mind changed, or maybe I just caved to my biological clock. We are programed at birth after all, especially as women, that we are suppose to grow up, get married and have kids. For a long time I didn't want any part of that lifestyle. I wanted the freedom to go to school, have a career or travel, but in truth I have all that and I have my son too. I can't just up a go some where like I could before, it takes a little extra planning, but it is possible. And I have a wide variety of emotions surrounding my son, ranging from stress to joy.

Now, I don't necessarily agree with all that you say, but I can agree with some. You make valid points about the level of freedom being significantly reduced, you can't quit being a mother like one can quit a shitty job, however, my only disagreement is looking at parenthood from only a statistical standpoint. You list all the research and statistics of how parents are unhappy, depressed and stressed and if you choose to become a parent you're destined to become that way.

I don't know, maybe the majority parents are unhappy & depressed, but like I responded to one of your other post you can't sum up all parents that way. The spectrum of human emotion is more then scientific research and statistics can explain. Being a parent is not black & white, there's a lot of grey area and in that grey area there are a lot more emotions then just disappointment, depression and chronic unhappiness. While logically it may make sense not to have children, to some emotionally it does. For others, like yourself, it makes sense, both logically & emotionally, to not have children and be self reliant. Which is okay too. There's no reason why you should be made to feel like you're wrong or strange for not wanting to be "tied down" with kids. You should be allowed to decide what is best for you and the lifestyle you want. Just like a person should allowed to decide for themselves if becoming a parent or SAH parent is what works for them. Why should a SAHM be looked down upon because she chooses to make a home and raise a family instead of working? Why should you be looked down upon because you choose career and freedom over being a mother?

Personally I find the parents that fall into the "depressed & unhappy" category tend to have more on their plate then necessary. By that I mean people that become parents that shouldn't because they're shitty people and end up making shitty parents or those who end up having multiple children when they only have the means or time for one. I only have one child, I only want one child, because having more than one would not give me the time to myself that I have now. I'm debt free, I'm self-employed, I'm about to continue my schooling, I play a sport as a hobby and I'm a mom too. So far, I wouldn't change a thing about my life. So far I don't regret my decision to have a child. So far, lol. You may believe it delusional that having a child can be fulfilling and joyful, as a mom I can tell you it is. There are good and bad emotions tied to all aspects of life, including parenthood.

I hope you keep posting! I love your passion and it's so refreshing to be able to see things from another's POV.

I really wish people would stop saying that having...

2010-06-28T01:13:13.689-07:00

I really wish people would stop saying that having children benefits society. It doesn't.

SO NOT Suprised! Now if they'd just call us &...

2010-06-25T14:06:27.051-07:00

SO NOT Suprised! Now if they'd just call us "ChildFREE" rather than "ChildLESS"!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/37908359/ns/health-womens_health/

"Social pressure to bear children appears to have diminished for women and that today, the decision to have a child is seen as an individual choice," according to the report by Pew researchers Gretchen Livingston and D'Vera Cohn. "Improved opportunities and contraceptive methods help create alternatives for women."

Hi Chick, good to see you posting again, about blo...

2010-06-25T00:15:05.665-07:00

Hi Chick, good to see you posting again, about bloody time I say ;-)
Just wanted to say, I'm a nursing student and am currently undertaking a clinical placement in a nursing home. Given that a lot of folks have kids so "someone can take care of me in my old age", a lot of old folk don't get visitors. One elderly has 12 children and only 1 comes to visit her, despite the fact that all the other 11 children live within 20 minutes from the nursing home. I like the residents where I am and I take the time when I can to sit and chat with them and they all say how much they appreciate it because their families don't visit often. What a great reason to have kids!

Welcome back! During your hiatus, my fiance's...

2010-06-22T11:43:36.496-07:00

Welcome back! During your hiatus, my fiance's house in PHX sold and he now lives with me. He now gets to see all the FAT Mississippi women with kids every single day. It's made him appreciate me all the more.

What is with all the PR drive lately to show us that breeders were right all along and everyone needs a kid or two? I swear, everywhere I look there's more and more "studies" to show us how much more wonderful our lives will be by having kids. And I'll promise you none of these people who have kids ever stopped to do a financial analysis of things beforehand. If they did, they'd never have one to begin with. Kids are expensive, and at my age having worked this whole time and gotten an advanced degree, I sure as hell don't want to spend money on THAT.

I wouldn't even allow my nieces to go see Juno...

2010-06-21T19:06:52.636-07:00

I wouldn't even allow my nieces to go see Juno for fear that they would buy into the pro-life bullshit that by carrying a pregnancy to term everything works out with a pretty bow. Having children sucks the life out of grown women who have degrees, a husband and a career so the Bristol Palin's are in for a rude awakening that is of course if they actually raise their own kid more than likely they pass the child off to their parents so they can be a 'kid' again.

Plain and simple people that decide to have childr...

2010-06-21T18:16:07.874-07:00

Plain and simple people that decide to have children automatically suffer from delusions. Listen to them, they paint this perfect protrait of happy family dinners, family trips, they speak of 'babies' as if its an indefinite stage of human development, that having children will bond them closer to their mates and that parenting and children will not interfere with the intimacy between the parents.....................................then their asses WAKE THE HELL UP! Having children turns people into liars because they believe they have to put on a happy face and say that everything is peaches and cream and life is one big hallmark card to live up to all that mushy bullshit they bought into and spewed to anyone who would listen. Examples: I love all my children the same, babies are a blessing (usually used by women who are having out of wedlock children) the weight gain, stretch marks, vaginal tearing, sleepness nights, clutter, incessant chatter, sexual rejection from your mate is all SOOOO WORTH IT! Yes, if you are a masochist who's only goal in life is to be at someone elses beck and call and believe that foregoing birthcontrol is your greatest accomplishment.

Between the sexes I believe women are the biggest liars hands down because the vast majority live to see things as they want them to be and not as they are. Most women shun those who are bluntly honest and consider them "mean" and "cold" because these types of women wants someone who will encourage them to continue doing dumb shit. Trust me close to 20 years of social services has taught me many women will rather live and tell themselves lies than to face the truth. So when I admit that if I had a child that didn't live up to or exceeded my expectations that child would be a disappointment to me they look at me in horror. I dare say what they haven't even acknowledged yet! though they are already completing applications to get their unborn child into a prestigious daycare they are horrified by what I've said??!!. When I admit that my first reaction to a wailing child is to want to tell it ((((Shut the fuck up.!!!)))......again the look of horror. They tell me having children will grant me patience. Is that before or after I shake the shit out of a temper tantrum snot nose kid?! See, I'm honest enough with myself to admit that though I'm a sucker for a chubby baby, I couldn't deal with the everyday nuisances that come with having children. The thought alone of what I would have to give up conjures feelings of resentment. Unlike 9 out of 10 women I own what I feel and believe. Crossing my fingers and having a kid because I've got the right equipment is not an option. How I wish more women were honest with themselves because so many of the same women who are adamant on having children demonstrate exactly what I don't won't to subject a child to.

"It also blows my mind that people continue t...

2010-06-20T02:59:55.979-07:00

"It also blows my mind that people continue to think they can do the same naturally frustrating things other people do (become a parent), and think they will somehow experience less frustration in those endeavors."

This times twenty for teenage moms. it makes me want to rip my hair out when I see some 15-year old brat on TV in a documentary or something, who is pregnant and stubbornly believes that she can still go to college, her boyfriend of two months is going to stay with her forever, and 'SHE AINT GONNA BE NO STATISTIC!!!11ONE11!!ELEVEN!!!11'. Uhm, yeah... keep dreaming, sweetheart.

Thank goodness your blogging again, I thought you ...

2010-06-19T08:06:12.813-07:00

Thank goodness your blogging again, I thought you were never going to post anything thing on this blog anymore.

HEY! FINALLY - A NEW BLOG! It has been written/...

2010-06-17T17:21:49.723-07:00

HEY! FINALLY - A NEW BLOG!

It has been written/said that insanity is doing the same thing(s) over and over again expecting a different outcome, so it stands to reason that A LOT OF FOLKS out there who are having kids that think that the whole parenthood experience will be different for them are INSANE! You have a kid, and it's definitely going to be filled with more pain, heartache, frustration, illness, etc. Whenever I hear of someone getting knocked up these days, I think to myself, "Whew.....good luck with that!"

Glad to see you blogging again! :)

V

I think the fact is, that when not attaching their...

2010-06-17T15:44:43.723-07:00

I think the fact is, that when not attaching their name to it, when they get to be anonymous, and not have to risk their own children seeing the information. Parents statistically say it didn't make them happy. And people who didn't have children when anonymous or in public with their name attached say that they feel very happy.

My mother told my brother and me a lot, that she wished she had only had one. If I wasn't so cocky, I would have taken it personally, but instead I just shook my head and said, well too bad you gave into dad. I won't do the same! At an early age, I determined I would have only one. Then when my health and therefore my patience took a turn for the worse, I decided one would be too much.

Most certainly a three year old would not improve my patience level, and even worse I would feel guilty for blowing up, and my husband would hate me for what total grump I would be all the time. I cannot see our marriage surviving a rug rat. If I get stuck with one some how someday, I am giving it away to whoever will pay me for my time off from work!

My bestfriend is the same way. She thinks she can ...

2010-06-17T15:31:11.706-07:00

My bestfriend is the same way. She thinks she can be different than everyone else and love being a parent. Despite all odds. Best luck to her. At least I have a statistically supported route. I will be like everyone else in my lifestyle, rather than the odd one out :)