Comments on Childfree Clique: Happily Married With Kids...Who Do YOU Know?

I know exactly one happy stable couple and like us...

2009-09-12T12:40:34.212-07:00

I know exactly one happy stable couple and like us, they are child free. It is truly sad but, I can think of no one that is as happy or as stable as we are.

Gosh, my husband and I are happily married with tw...

2009-09-01T18:11:38.897-07:00

Gosh, my husband and I are happily married with two children (have been together since teenagers, now in our thirties) and our friends are the same (large group of friends from teenage years, most have children). That's too bad that you only know unhappy families.
Interesting blog though, I love reading other people's opinions, how they view life etc.
Thanks.

I'd say one can't comment on this till the marriag...

2009-06-30T23:19:37.915-07:00

I'd say one can't comment on this till the marriage is in year 15 and the kids in year 10 or so.

At present I know NO people who fit CFC's category of really truly happily married with kids...but then we've made our connections among nonbreeders. The breeders we know, we don't see enough to determine whether they're putting on a front or now. I knew three couples in the past who might fit this category. Two of them divorced when the last kid graduated college.

YKYM

It's funny that you have mentioned this. My child...

2009-05-20T13:41:28.692-07:00

It's funny that you have mentioned this. My childfree friends and I discuss this topic quite often.

I have a friend of 30 years who married the month after I did. I divorced 7 years later and she was on child #2 at that time. Since then, her husband has decided that he only needed part time work (he brings home $400 a month) and she's still working a 40-hour week. They filed for backruptcy and their house is in near forclosure currently. While I was scrimping and saving to be in the house I'm in after my divorce, they put NOTHING down and bought a home slightly bigger than my own.

Their house looks like a bomb went off in it, regardless of the fact that her husband stays home. On average, I'd say he does about 5% of the child rearing duties. He complains frequently (to anyone who will listen) about how he never gets laid.

I've seen those kids act up and do things I'd never have done as a child. If she dares not give them something at Wal-Mart, they throw an absolute fit. She threatens spanking but never follows through.

She's the one person in this world who reminds me to take my pill. All I have to do is look at her to remind me.

And why does she stay with this lug? Because she never finished college and can't afford anything on her own. [sarcasm on] I can tell kids have done a whole "lot" for her union. [/sarcasm off]

My brother and sister-in-law are almost disgusting...

2009-04-30T07:53:00.000-07:00

My brother and sister-in-law are almost disgustingly happy as parents. Their marriage was rock solid before they had kids and now with a one-year-old and baby number two on the way--they seem even better off. I also have to admit that their one-year-old is unbelievably pleasant to be around: no crying, no whining, no tantrums, no constant need to be wholly entertained. It's a shame this isn't the case more often.

Honestly, the only couple I know of who is happily...

2009-04-26T14:47:00.000-07:00

Honestly, the only couple I know of who is happily married (from what I can see) and childed is my brother's aunt and uncle. And like your girlfriend and her spouse, both were educated, successful, career-minded people BEFORE they had kids. And then they DECIDED to have kids. Both of their children were planned. I know this because I had been to their house many times before they had their first and I asked them why they had three bedrooms in their house when it was just the two of them living there (I was about nine years old). They told me it was because they plan on having two kids and those bedrooms will be theirs. And like you, I see this as the exception and not the rule.

Whenever my ex talked about kids I was in for a tr...

2009-04-21T15:32:00.000-07:00

Whenever my ex talked about kids I was in for a treat! I got to hear how much fun and how cute they were. Kids were adorable and innocent and loving and they shitted rainbows! They should not be critisized or held responsible for any stupid, hurtful crap they pulled and people who didn't like kids, were just bitter.

I asked him how he pictured our future if both of us were going to work and raise a child at the same time. He had an ingenious solution, since I was such an ambitious woman: I got to breed the shitling and bring him to daycare, 8 hours per day, 5days a week.

Then I asked him if he realized not all women liked children and not all women like HAVING children (in the literal sense of the word) and... He was stunned. He never guessed not all women were willing to put up with the physical scars and damage from childbirth, not to mention the pain and health risks. As far as he was concerned, people knew whether they wanted children or not and those who wanted them strong enough, willingly accepted those risks. He was willing to accept them, which was easy for him to say him not being a woman.

After living with him for almost half a year, I could tell this guy was never going to be an ambitious homemaker. Now I may sound fairly unemancipated if I say I really didn't care since there was just the two of us, but the simple fact is I didn't. We had a small apartment and were two adults living under one roof, no pets. He didn't want a dog in the house, so there would never be anything living with us besides a cat.

My relationship didn't work out because of various different reasons, this being one of them.

I never wanted kids to begin with, but if I - purely hypothetically speaking- wanted them, there's NO way I am even going to consider having kids with someone like him or someone even less motivated to get off his butt and share chores and parental responsiblities.

Of course most women aren't happy. Scientific research in the Netherlands and other countries has pointed out childless couples are more succesful both in their relationship and in the outside world as a coworker, friend and relative.

Children ARE an obstacle to achieve their goals in life, especially for women because of the inequality between men and women. Again, I also hate the fact men are often lazy and by no means I say we just have to sit back and accept it, but if you're childfree it's really not a big problem! It's something that's not really important, it sort of fades into the background... Personally, I like to keep things that way. Kudos to those who managed to train their spouses into home makers and parents, but I'm not even going to try it just to make things 'work'!

People with kids are under so much pressure, I wouldn't want to trade with them not even for a million dollars. I am serious. Past year I had a lot of things going on in my life and for the first time ever, I had to care for someone as well as getting up at 5 am each morning, travelling 2,5 hours to and from college, working my job and running my household, all at the same time. I knew right then and there that kids were a big no-no for me. I compared my situation often with the situation of a lot of mothers I know. I always knew I am NOT fit for that kind of lifestyle and I have proof now, period.

So to answer your question: no, I do not know any women who are truly happily married with kids. To me, there's no such thing. You'll always have exceptions as you have pointed out, but they are veyr, very rare... I heard of such examples before, but I personally do not know them.

I know a couple where the father stays at home dur...

2009-04-16T15:17:00.000-07:00

I know a couple where the father stays at home during the day while the mother works. When she returns home, he's off like a shot to "band practice" (aka. his man time) or to deal with his job which is appointment based and has very flexible hours. They pretend happiness, but all I hear from them is how difficult their lives are, how they never see each other, how hard it is to raise the children, they never get enough sleep...blah blah blah. Thanks to his "child rearing skills", their one child who is old enough to have a personality has...none. Just a 4 year old mouth breathing lump on the couch, playing the video game on the teevee. Some of our friends think it's astounding that a child so young can manipulate buttons and play a game on television. I think it's disgusting to know that this child has absolutely NO imagination, or ability to amuse itself. I avoid these people.

The only people I can think of who were strengthened by and seemed to enjoy parenthood were my Aunt and Uncle on my Dad's side of the family. They were married for almost 10 years before they started having children, had 3 a few years apart and never relied on the glowing babysitting box. All of their children (now in their 20's) are funny, engaged and imaginative people who are a joy to be around. Both parents were very involved in all their lives, AND still managed to have interests outside of the home.

My father stayed at home with me and my brothers f...

2009-04-16T10:33:00.000-07:00

My father stayed at home with me and my brothers for a long time - although that was largely due to restrictions on him working from immigration services. He did almost all the housework and the lion's share of the childcare. My parents seem genuinely happy with their lives, having chosen to have children.

They seem to like children, they choose to work with children now, but I think that's because they don't make the common mistake I see in the US and British Isles, of assuming they have to be on duty all the time. Apart from not fully wanting children and not being able to look after them, I think that mindset is what makes so many parents so miserable.

This is going to sound cheesy - but I know my pare...

2009-04-15T05:09:00.000-07:00

This is going to sound cheesy - but I know my parents were. My parents shared nearly everything (except for laundry) and would have had more kids if my mom was able to get pregnant again, but it wasn't in the cards.

I know older couples who are happy, but I also assume this is because they weren't bogged down with the same worries and crap that other parents are today, also because it was more so the way things were done back then, they may have just gotten to the point in their age where they are happy with what cards they were dealt because that's all there was.

I know exactly one childed married couple who is t...

2009-04-14T19:47:00.000-07:00

I know exactly one childed married couple who is truly happy with the choice they made. They had their first child two years ago. They do want more kids, but aren't in a big rush at this time.

They are being PNBs, and the guy does his share of the work. He's one of those people who gets annoyed when he hears about fathers who *babysit* their kids. He knows that when it's your own kid, it's not *babysitting*, it's called *taking care of* the kid.

The kid is actually very cute. And I was glad that they didn't get rid of their cats when they had her; instead, they are teaching them all to get along together, no pulling kitty's tails or anything.

Happiness with kids can be done, but I honestly can't think of anyone besides this couple who I know is happy with the choice they made.

Great post! I sat back after reading and did a me...

2009-04-14T08:50:00.000-07:00

Great post! I sat back after reading and did a mental inventory of all the child encumbered couples (and singles) I know. Out of ALL of them I can think of one couple who are truly happy. She is a SAH Mom but her husband is also very involved with the kids (all 6 of them!). I also know two single Moms who despite the stresses of raising two kids apiece single are also content with their lives and have raised kids that I can actually hold an intelligent conversation with. Other than that? A bunch of miserable, whiny, poor-me-martyr-mommies with annoying bratty kids. Not great odds!

It seems to me that most of the gusy who do quite ...

2009-04-13T19:50:00.000-07:00

It seems to me that most of the gusy who do quite a bit of housework or childcare often act like martyrs about it. I know a guy online who itemizes every little thing he does for his kids online, I guess so he can get "credit" ahd hopefully kudos for everything he does. It's really ridiculous. I guess it's good that he helps out, but if he didn't have the internet to brag/whine about all he does, I wonder if he'd still be doing it.