Childfree Clique

Catch Me On Facebook Friends

2011-04-04T12:44:00.001-07:00

Hey CF'ers,

I'm all about Facebook now so feel free to follow me there for exclusive content.

Ciao!!!

Stay At Home Motherhood: It Ain't Good For Lesbians Either

2010-07-05T22:46:00.006-07:00

As my regular readers know, I have been a staunch opponent of the institution of stay at home motherhood because it turns grown women into vulnerable dependents who are at the mercy of a man, his health, his whims, and his luck with regard to bread winning.

Well, now it seems as if I need to speak in less hetero-normative terms when I discuss this issue.

Stay at home motherhood is just as bad for lesbians as it is for women in relationships with men.

Unless you've been living in a monastery, I'll assume you heard about the break up of Melissa Etheridge and her partner, former actress, Tammy Lynn Michaels.

The break up happened a few months ago, but it was only days ago that Melissa filed the legal papers necessary to fully dissolve their union.

In these papers, she requested that her partner receive NO FINANCIAL SUPPORT WHATSOEVER.

Well...that didn't go over well with Tammy Lynn and she took to her blog to rant.

http://hollywoodfarmgirl.blogspot.com/2010/07/no-such-thing-as-privacy-i-guess-so.html

(I'm not going to formally link to it, so please copy & paste the URL into another browser window to view the post.)

Here is the text of the post in the event she takes it down:

no such thing as privacy, i guess? so okay.

2001.
late 2001

we were standing on a porch, outside, under the stars. we were talking about life, and what was coming up in the future, and schedules, and dreams, and building. she had a tour coming up, but the kids had school, and i had some auditions coming... what to do, what to do, what to do....

and that's when i sort of knew. those kids needed someone at home, someone stable, someone who wasn't jetting off all the time, and scrambling in and out. i knew that was like, to be a kid, and have people on revolving doors. so i stepped in, truly thinking i was doing the right thing.

"you know what?" i said. "do you want me to take a year off? take care of the kids? i can be here when you're gone, get them at school, bake for them, do the school stuff, and just catch them when you're not here. want me to do that?"

her face lit up like i was giving her a present she wanted but could never name. "would you do that??? you would do that???"

"sure! i've always wanted to make a home anyway! i'll make a home for you and me and the kids, and you go and do your thang with your guitar!"

we laughed and hugged, and she said it was perfect, and it was what she had always wanted anyways, but didn't want to ask anybody to do it for her..... make her a home.... etc. and that night was perfect. sitting on the porch, under the stars, back when we lived on the house on Mandeville canyon, near the ocean.

i gave up my managers, agents, contacts, all that good stuff, because i stepped directly into potty training a small boy, and carrying around a small girl on my hip. both excellent souls. and i was a very huge part in raising them for many many years while She with the Guitar focused on her Guitar.

i was always the house wife after that. the only thing i hated about it was not bringing in money- i have made my own money since i started babysitting at 10, and having a newspaper route at 11. having no steady paycheck killed me for those years with her. and now it's really killing me. the other week i had to borrow money from a friend. two weeks ago i had to scrape together $1.25 to pay for gas. i know she doesn't want to give me money. trust. i'm borrowing cash left and right from people to get through this summer, and feed my kids, with a stomach full of ulcers, thank you. no stress here. :-)

how's that spiritual tour coming along?

so now.... to open the lap top.... and read the headlines.... when i just spoke to the fame crawler yesterday.... she could have mentioned it..... and hmmm.... wants some custody of kids.... interesting.... but no $ support for me... interesting as well.... so so so interesting, there, melissa. practicing what we preach is always hard for americans, i think. (is that why you and rick warren got along so well? ) oh, the nights of promises.... "tammy, if i ever leave you, it's because i'm crazy, and you have to come find me and get me and save me!!! we have to be together forever!" (remember that one, lucky?)

Sad isn't it? Like countless other women, she offered to make her partner a home, birth the children, got into being all self-sacrificing and benevolent (thinking this was "the right thing to do"), and in the end is left with SHIT to show for it.

Scraping together $1 for fucking GAS?

For the fuck of shit people!

How many of these stories is it going to take for women to WISE UP and stop sacrificing THEMSELVES by abandoning their independence and financial livelihoods for the sake of homemaking and joblessness?

If this is the fate of a former celebrity actress married to a millionaire rockstar, how the fuck can any sane "regular" woman think she is above this fate and continue to go ahead with this sham of a lifestyle?

It's Been A While...

2010-06-17T15:04:00.004-07:00

OK, I know it's been decades since I posted but I can't even describe to you how busy my life has been.

I've done some traveling (Sedona-with girlfriends, Vegas-with family, and Los Angeles- with girlfriends), I've had family come to visit, work has been crazy, and I've been a slave to exercise 6 days a week.

I have been posting small things here and there on FB because it's quick, easy, and can be done from work, so feel free to keep up with me there as well.

Also, I have a big time update coming here soon with regard to the friend whom is in a "breeding state of mind", so stay tuned!

I'd like to direct your attention to a series of posts on Slate's Double X blog regarding children and why they don’t bring happiness.

It was began with this post,“Why Having Kids Isn’t Necessary”, which I loved. Amanda Marcotte is a fantastic blogger and I’ve had an appreciation for her work for a long time.

Then came this rebuttal, "Insert 3-Year-Old Here", which I found to be similar to the blog I posted a few days ago from the Psychology Today website. The writer felt compelled to try and assert that all of the studies showing how unhappy children make people, are somehow flawed and not taking into account how much “enduring joy that having a child brings you.”

Again with the ASSUMPTIONS as a way to dispute the most recent AND numerous other studies done on the damage children do to the happiness of their parents. The writer continually ASSUMES that having children brings "enduring joy" to all parents. Quite a lofty assumption there dontcha think? I know plenty of people who have not been on the receiving end of “enduring joy” during their parental journeys.

Like most parents trying to grasp at straws in this argument, the author tries (and fails) to compare the stress of children to the stress of a career. I have seen this argument more times than I can count. “Sometimes your job stresses you childless people out too. Just like my kids stress me out. See, it’s the same thing!!!”

No. It’s really not. Not even close.

When doing this, parents seem to forget that careers and jobs can be changed. You can take breaks from a career. You can take vacations. You can find another job if things get too overwhelming. People do it all the time. Children are totally different. There are no vacations from them. When my previous job became a source of unbridled stress, my doctor wrote me a note and I was out for 7 weeks fully paid! Recovered my mental health and starting looking for new jobs. Whoo hoo!

You can't do that with kids! There are no leaves of absence from parenthood. There is no “resigning” from your post as a mother. Once they’re here, they’re yours to deal with forever. They are a relentless, enduring (since we like the word enduring so much) presence in the life of a parent.

Much, much different than some shitty 9-5.

Luckily my girl Amanda came back with another rebuttal, “Assessing the Risks of Babies”. Stellar piece and very much in the vein of what we frequently discuss here. She advocates looking at the full picture in a realistic manner when it comes to procreating and making an informed decision based on THE FULL PICTURE.

But- then came another rebuttal!“Do People Really Do A Cost-Benefit Analysis Before Having Kids?”

Basically saying, "Um how can you expect people to like...make logical decisions in life about having kids! No one does that!"

The author here states: “people are going to have the babies they want, even if they know it makes no sense. Because it doesn't, of course—if we did a real risk assessment, a real cost-benefit analysis, for many people it would make sense to skip the kids. They're expensive. They are, at times, difficult to manage. They curtail your movement. And even if you put all of that aside—even if those things are actually what you want—there's always the very real risk that they will get sick, or fall prey to drug addiction, gangs, or cults. Or die. Or grow up to be Democrats (my dad's worst fear). All of Emily's points are true, too—child-raising can bring a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction and provide a deep, enduring joy—but it might not. Plus, those are luxury goods, and technically should be considered only after the physical costs and difficulties. My point is really that most people don't think about it this way, and they're not going to. Happiness studies can support a decision you've already made, but most of us don't make our decisions based on happiness studies, if for no other reason than that we all share a deep inner conviction that we're really not like everyone else.”

THIS.

So much yes to this statement.

And this is the extreme folly with regard to the decision to breed when you have heard from various sources that will most likely not be a whirlwind romance of happiness and elation.

People think they are somehow…NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.

That their experience will be DIFFERENT. Their child will be DIFFERENT. They will somehow beat the odds.

Some call it wishful thinking, I call it delusion.

I’ve spoken about this on my blogs several times. If there’s one thing I always say it’s that: The human experience is one of commonality. If we’re all making similar decisions and going about our lives in similar ways, we will inevitably experience similar hardships. I have never thought for one moment that I am going to do what everyone else does and have some magically different outcome than they do in the same endeavors. Especially endeavors in which your control over a situation is limited. When it comes to parenting, I’ve read up on nature vs. nurture recently. I know that parents do not always have the largest influence over a child’s behavior and life. That shit is risky.

Additionally, various studies have shown people are most happy and least at risk of depression when they feel that they have control over their lives and the power, freedom, and tools to change what’s wrong in them. Children severely limit the amount of control and freedom you have in your life. So it makes sense that so many studies show that parenting tends to make people unhappy.

It is completely ridiculous to me that people can’t seem to come to terms with this simple fact. It also blows my mind that people continue to think they can do the same naturally frustrating things other people do (become a parent), and think they will somehow experience less frustration in those endeavors.

Look- I have many, many flaws. But I’m so fucking glad that this sense of utter delusion is not one of them. I feel like I’ve dodged a huge bullet.

I just don't see the sense in walking the commonly traveled road (which I know disappointed masses of folk before me), finding that this road disappoints me as much as it did everyone else, and then being frustrated that it disappointed me. Talk about some crazy bullshit right there.

Keeping Potential Parents At Arm's Length...?

2010-03-15T19:00:00.030-07:00

As I touched on in the last post, I've been hanging with a fab group of women and am enjoying some new social connections.

One stark reality of being militantly CF is, I think, that you become hyper aware of not only a person's current childed status, but also their intended parental status.

As someone who's just recently been through the drama of watching a close friend have a baby and then morph into an undesirable, I am particularly hyper aware of everyone's "status", so to speak.

Well, a few weeks ago, at one of our many evenings out on the town, a new woman joined our social circle. She's 32, from the same state I'm from and new to AZ, lives very near to my neighborhood, is a vegetarian (just like me), is completely non-religious (hello, ME!) is childless but has a dog she considers to be her child (yup, me again), is professional and career driven...and is basically, in a nutshell, a mirror image of me personality wise.

It's scary how much I have in common with this woman. She's fun and witty, and sharp as a tac. The first time we went to an event alone, we were seeing eye to eye on everything we talked about.

Everything.

We've done parties together, are doing lunch and dinner since we live close to one another, and honestly we just get the biggest kick out of being in one another's company.

The problem?

She wants babies.

Fuckitty fucking motherfuck gawddamnitalltohell.

*Sigh*

And knowing this I feel like I can't make a BFF out of her even though the desire is there on her behalf and mine.

It really fucking suxass and partly I feel like a bitch for thinking I shouldn't get too close to her now. And usually I'm ok with being a bitch when it's necessary and justified but I don't like being an unreasonable bitch. I like being a bitch with cause.

On the other hand, isn't the definition of insanity repeating the same dumb action over and over and expecting a new result each time?

I'm not someone who repeats mistakes very often. A fact I'm quite proud (smug?) about.

I just dealt with the woman formerly known as my BFF's baby drama. She went off the fucking deep end. Why would I jump willingly into another scenario that could end in exactly the same fashion?

You know how it went before...

We get along soooo perfectly and we relate to everything each other says! We're like two lesbians without the sex! We hear all of each other's problems and help solve them. We celebrate each other's triumphs and mourn each other's blues. We're in BFF loooooooove!

*hearts and stars and rainbows explode all over the place*

And then BAM, pregnancy.

And then POW, turning into someone completely unrecognizable and un-feminist after popping out the twat dumpling.

And then POOF, "Waaa why can't this to be like the 50's when women had no power and no say in anything and they just mindlessly shat out babies while the husband made all the money and did all the thinking???"

*Cue Paula Cole's "Where Have All The Cowboys Gone" in the background... "I will raise the children, if you pay all the billlllllllls."

Um, guess who doesn't want to go through that again?

*Childfree Chick raises her hand and waves it wildly from the back of the classroom*

So I look to you guys for opinions because mostly you have spectacular insights and I love reading what you have to say.

Do you give people a chance at close friendships when you discover they want kids? Should everyone get a chance, despite how you've been burned in the past by some formerly sane folk who turned into berserk breeders? Or do you just recognize the fundamental differences that you'll have with someone who desires spawn and keep them at arm's length to protect yourself from all the stress and frustration that could be lurking around the bend?

What's the answer here?

Childfree Women...Our Allies Are Hiding In Plain Sight.

2010-03-09T20:34:00.025-07:00

Yes I know...I've neglected the blog for well over a month. My bad! I try to stay connected with my peeps via Facebook though, so check me out there if you haven't already.

Lots going on with work (all good things), lots going on with PP and volunteering (we're gearing up for election season here and trying our DAMNDEST to get candidates who support choice for women, comprehensive sex education, and a few other key initiatives into office), and lots of weekend socializing that often leaves me pretty drained.

Also, I bought myself an elliptical machine last month (thanks to an unexpected bonus at work) and I have been so busy making sweet cardio love to it every night that I haven't set aside time to really sit down and churn out a blog post.

Again, my bad but I have to look hot in my skinny jeans like right this second. I'm turning 30 soon remember? This is not a game!

So, anyway...I've become close with a group of amazing women in the last few months and while a good portion of them are childless, a few are not. One that I've become particularly tight with is 40 with a 20 year old daughter, and several of the other women are also late 30's to early 40's with children in their late teens or early twenties.

What I'm noticing (and appreciating) about these women is, unlike women my age who are just beginning to start their families and are ultra focused on babies and kid shit, these women are NOT wrapped up in their roles as mothers NOR do they feverishly advocate the childless among us to get on with procreating.

I'm beginning to think older women with older children are an underused resource and ally for those of us who are childfree. From my vantage point, they seem to make pretty fabulous friends.

Not enamored with their role as "mommy dearest". Not constantly bragging about their spawn or telling boring ass stories about them all the goddamn time. Not struggling to get a babysitter every time something social comes up. Not feeling as if "I just gave birth therefore I have hung the moon".

Not nearly as boring and one dimensional as a great deal of the new moms we come across in daily life.

More importantly, they're not "in transition to uber mommy" mode. They've been there and done it already. They know who they are. They're not going to flip and change on you overnight outta the blue. Nope. I see them as stable, grounded, relaxed, and much more free. It's like they've reached the stage where they feel like a woman first and a mother second now that the constant care taking is over.

Also, at this stage of motherhood, they've been through a lot (at least the ones I know). So much so that they can't seem to bring themselves to encourage me to have kids.

Which is friggen sweeeeet.

They can actually look me in the eye and say "Girlfriend, I DO NOT blame you for staying childfree. Keep your life the way it is. Fabulous."

It's so refreshing.

Being around mothers without having to endure the relentlessly disingenuous endorsements of mommyhood???

Sign me the eff up!

If you're a CF woman in my age range who is frustrated at who the women your age have become after becoming mothers, fret no more. Kiss your "new mommy" frenemies goodbye. These are the kind of women to be friends with.

I wholeheartedly encourage you to seek them out!

Without Childfreedom, My Good Life Turns To Shit

2010-01-30T22:43:00.001-07:00

Sorry for the lack of posts this month, but I was invited to start volunteering in another, more political capacity with PP and jumped at the opportunity. I've had to attend frequent meetings over the past few weeks that have left little time for much else other than quick Facebook updates.

The pro-choice monster inside me has been awakened and now will not seem to rest.

I'm writing because even though I've been super busy, I'm sitting here marveling at my own contentment...smug bastard that I apparently am.

It all started when my mom called to talk to me about throwing a party for my 30th birthday this summer. I'm traveling back East to spend the milestone with family and my mom is INSISTENT upon having a party for me.

We got to talking about where I am at this point in my life and she made a remark about how happy and satisfied I seem with life, and how shocked she is that I'm not panicking in the face of the big 3-0.

I had nothing cynical or sarcastic to respond with either, which never happens! It was only a few short years ago that I broke down crying to her over the phone on my 26th birthday because I felt OLD.

*Don't judge me, I had just moved 2000 miles away from my family and I was emotionally fragile!*

But now? I'm actually feeling pretty alright about entering my 30's.

As much as I usually roll my eyes at shiny, happy, smiling people, I feel like I may be becoming one and I honestly think I owe it all to childfreedom.

This is not to discount any of the other good things in my life.

I'm not by any means independently wealthy but I make well above the median household income and experienced a $19k increase in salary after switching jobs in 2008. I have goooood stock options and a fab job at a totally liberal, FUN company. I work with (mostly) very engaging, intelligent people whose company I genuinely enjoy. I have fun opting into and out of dating at any random point in time. I spend a lot of time with friends. I've found fulfilling volunteer work and social activism to engage in. I've been able to travel and have pretty extensive plans for future travel. I have little debt and very few obligations in general.

But take away my childfreedom and each of those things is automatically less enjoyable or even impossible.

With children comes debt so I could kiss my fairly debt free lifestyle goodbye. The salary increase wouldn't mean as much with kids around to eat into it.

Children are time stealers so goodbye fun outings with friends, goodbye to all the time I spend volunteering. ( Oh and I've noticed almost ALL of the other people I volunteer with are also childless!)

Children are sucky travel companions so that would be out the window for sure. No more hooking up with Caribbean hotties on the beach with a baby in it's sand filled diaper sitting nearby looking all helpless and neglected!

Really though, nearly every aspect of what I enjoy about my life would be severely diminished if I had a kid.

It should be no wonder why I'm so happy and "satisfied" with life as my mother put it.

I've gotten to the stage where I'm so thrilled and grateful to be childfree that even aging doesn't bug me that much anymore!

Part of it must be this surge of so many people I know having kids...?

In the last year alone, four women in my life have become mothers. I've been privy to all the drama on Facebook and I have seen their lives change in totally unenviable ways. The end result of all this? Me being happier in my own life.

Crazy!

Maybe I had my logic wrong in a previous post when I felt it wasn't worth being friends with people in the process of having kids. Perhaps surrounding myself with people who are having kids is actually a good thing. It gives me the much needed reality check that yes my life is actually pretty fucking spectacular in comparison to the alternative.

Watching them have kids only makes me that much happier not to have any of my own!

Schadenfreude is often seen as something we should be ashamed of, but I think it can actually really be effective in making us all a lot more grateful and cognizant of how good we have it.

Yay, Mommy Hate Mail!

2010-01-09T23:38:00.021-07:00

*Sigh*

I'll never fully comprehend WHY mothers come barging into the CF blogosphere asserting their non-sensical, opposing viewpoints into conversations where they won't be welcomed, but alas, this is evidently a typical day in the life of an internet mommy troll.

Funny how WE never troll THEIR blogs on a daily basis waiting to disagree with something they've written, but with us it's sadly commonplace to see this.

Yesterday, a commenter named "HawkMom", who identified as a SAHM, talked about "going to a shelter" or trying "to get an apartment or hotel room and/or collect on welfare and WIC for a few weeks or a few months" if her husband were to leave her.

In the next sentence she talked about how "being dependent on my husband for income isn't as scary as it may seem" and I immediately got flashbacks/PTSD from all the empty-ended utterances of my naive BFF.

My response to "HawkMom" wasn't oozing with the warm and fuzzies she thought her retarded ass comment deserved, so she got pissed off because "peeple on teh interwebs iz mean" and sent me this hee-larious email that I couldn't NOT share with my beloved readers.

It does include my translation of the text so enjoy!

*Oh and yeah her email address is included on purpose. Let this be a lesson, angry moms of the universe. Don't send me a scathing rebuke/admonishment cause it becomes my property in it's entirety once you do and I WILL publish it in order to get maximum satisfaction from making fun of how lame you are.*

from: hawkmom60@gmail.com
to: Childfree Chick
date: Sat, Jan 9, 2010 at 10:04 PM
subject: Agree to Disagree

"Childfree Chick,

"You seem like a very angry person."

(Translation- "You cut me down to size with all the facts you presented about the risks of a SAHM lifestyle and I don't have a strong counter argument other than to call you 'angry' you Meanie McAngryPants!")

"I've been respectful and civil to you, but your responses have been nothing but rude rantings. I didn't lecture you. I've only asked you why you insist on being so rude to a complete stranger, especially a neutral one."

(Translation- When you present facts on YOUR PERSONAL BLOG, that make my choices seem foolish, it's mean AND YOU'RE JUST A BIG MEANIE with all of your fancy facts and knowledge! Why can't you just nicely pat me on the top of my head for my uber-dependent lifestyle? Oh and note how I refer to myself as "neutral" even though that's a blatant fallacy cause I'm defending a lifestyle I currently live.)

"I find it odd that you find nothing wrong with calling me a delusional hypocrite, while I'm not allowed to point out the hypocrisy in your vitriol towards any woman who doesn't share your views or lifestyle. It's hard to take your argument seriously, when you angrily cut down any opposing view."

(Translation- You're ummm...an angry meanie! And ummm....a hypocrite for reasons I can't explain cause they don't exist. Meanie.)

"You can disagree with me without attacking my very existence, but you choose to do just that. I frequent another CF woman's blog and comment and I've never had any problems. I don't know what your deal is, but good luck with it. I had no issues with you at all until this little exchange, and I don't do internet arguing so I'll unsub your blog there will be no more comments from me."

Best,

HawkMom

(Translation- You critiqued my existence/way of life and since your opinion of me and said existence is so valuable, I'm terribly upset. I can't validate or defend my own lifestyle choices and reading about how my decisions could come back to bite me in my ass makes me feel worse about myself. I don't do internet arguing but when a blogger engages in a vigorous debate with me ON THEIR PERSONAL BLOG and it doesn't end the way I want it to, I will send them chastising emails threatening never to come back to a blog I'm not the target or intended audience of anyway.)

Honey, last I checked, no one has the power to "attack your existence" unless you give it to them.

Thank you for the unnecessary email correspondence and for caring so much about my opinion of your life.

It's nice to know I'm that influential.

Whiny, Insecure SAHM, party of one, your table is ready!

And Baby Makes...Mommy Unrecognizable.

2010-01-05T20:09:00.020-07:00

Well, it looks as if the woman formerly known as my BFF has been kidnapped by aliens and replaced with a suddenly naive, wannabe Stepford wife.

I have to know if anyone else has experienced this but first let me tell the story.

After this incident, we had a private conversation about her newfound desire to be a stay at home mother and wife.

When she started off the conversation with "my ideals have just changed a lot and part of me wishes we could go back to the 50's where women stayed home and men worked", I knew I was entering an alternate fucking universe.

The 50's?????

What the shit?

When women couldn't get credit cards or property in their own name? When husbands had free reign to fuck outside the marriage and women "looked the other way cause that's what men did"? When men were "allowed" to smack their wives around with virtually no fear of negative consequences? When the women who DID work were subjected to rampant sexual harassment and had no protection or reprieve? When women had to grit their teeth to stay in bad marriages because there were no widespread alimony, child support, or community property laws?

And this is off topic- but the same fifties where my ass would have been getting sprayed with a water hose and then lynched by white people?

THAT IS THE FIFTIES SHE WANTS TO GO BACK TO?

Who IS this person????

She proceeded to tell me that she was "ruffled" by what I had said about women and economic dependency on men and said "you know, I just can't think that way. I just can't think that something would happen to my husband or to my marriage."

Wow really? They've only been together since the summer of 2008 and have only been married for 6 months. Their marriage was predicated on her pregnancy as far as I could see, since he proposed after learning of it and they quickly married two months before the kid was born. This isn't exactly a rock solid union with years of history behind it.

And I happen to like this guy, but still WTF do you mean you "can't think about it"?

That scared the bejesus out of me when she said that.

You see...her SAHM friends don't "think about that stuff". They raise their families and they make "sacrifices" for their kids and "don't plan for catastrophe". She agrees with this philosophy thinks it's "negative" to talk the way I do about making contingency plans.

Amazing isn't it?

Apparently being proactive instead of reactive is "negative" to SAHM's and their disciples.

Let me see if I can get on-board with this magical logic...

Why strap your kid into a car seat when you go places? That's planning for catastrophe! Why have health insurance in case you get sick? Or car insurance in case you get into an accident? Why draw up a will in case you die? That all falls under the pesky "planning for catastrophe umbrella, doesn't it?

Pffft, we don't think about that stuff!!!

How'd I do?

The woman formerly known as my BFF wasn't amused with this comparison. Probably cause there isn't any valid, sensical counter-argument to it. Sometimes you have to "think negatively" in order to protect YOURSELF.

Ugh, who the fuck is this person and where is my BFF?

Apparently she made hubby sit down with her so they could try to figure out a way for her to stay home but their current financial situation requires her to get a job and STAT- because they are barely making the mortgage (which was news to me- more on that in a sec), and they are "broke" according to her.

Her husband is so stressed out, he had his first genital herpes outbreak in 8 years (before you ask, yes, she knew he had it when she started dating him). Also, after she quit her job to stay home during her high risk pregnancy, he started having erectile dysfunction because of mounting pressures. He has been the sole income since May and according to her, he is stressed ALL THE TIME.

Hmph, who the hell wouldn't be?

They bought their house a year ago and now may have to try to sell it and move to an old house that he owns and rents out in what she describes as a "bad neighborhood".

Um, kinda hard to sell a house when you're upside down on it- which in this economy, most people are. Also, you're on the brink of having to raise you baby in the ghetto of Oakland and you are STILL trying to figure out how to not get a job?

There's all of this going on and she has become SO pre-occupied with stay at home motherhood and wonders how she can further "sacrifice" to make this happen!

What the fuckitty fuck.

Recently she posted something on FB talking about how down she was. Do you know what our mutual SAHM friend posted back?

"Just tell yourself it's all worth it."

It was sad to read that for some reason. This friend of ours also quit her job to stay home after having a second baby this summer and is also barely making the mortgage every month (the reason I know this is because she posts about it regularly).

I always have to fight the urge to type a comment in all caps telling her to "GET A FUCKING JOB!"

Then I remembered that Facebook has a hide function to save me from myself.

Thank GAWD.

But this is the life these people live.

"Just tell yourself it's all worth it" is helpful advice in their world. Can you imagine living a life where you have to struggle daily to "tell yourself it's all worth it", when you know it's lies???

UGH! These people sit on a throne of LIES I tell you!

My advice to empower yourself rather than delude yourself? It's "negative".

I don't even know who this is anymore but after our last conversation a month ago, we haven't spoken. I need time away from her and her newly shitastic logic.

Maybe permanent time away.

Her life is in a downward spiral, HER MINDSET is in a downward spiral and there is just nothing I can do about it. She, like her friends, can't even be bothered to THINK about something bad happening.

She wants what she wants.

And I think the dynamic of our friendship has been slowly changing anyway.

As of late I've made a group of new friends (mostly without kids) and we spend a lot of time socializing and going out together. Whenever I post pictures of us doing things as a group on FB, I think she feels alienated.

Our lives have unfolded in such drastically different ways. When we met, we worked together and had nearly identical lives. We hated our job and our bitchy boss. We were underpaid and overworked. We loved our cats. We loved the same cheesy 80's music. The same bad reality shows. We did everything we could to support and help one another. We made each other laugh endlessly. We were like one person.

But then she moved away for a man and I got a new job paying what I'll admit is a very generous salary. I instantly loved the people and what I do. At the time I started, she was miserable at her job and I think she was really envious. Happy for me, but envious. When I took my first self sponsored exotic vacation last year, she admitted she was jealous. Last month I started planning for a September trip to the Canary Islands and didn't want to even tell her about it. I hated feeling that way. Like I couldn't share more good things happening in my life with her since hers is such a suckfest.

The world that we once shared seemed so limited. So constricted. We bonded over that.

Well, the world has now become expansive for me, but only more constricted for her. I think we both feel it and I don't believe our friendship will survive at this point.

This is really the first time I've had a very close friend get married, have a baby, and totally transform into a different person. That's why I write about it regularly I guess. Just flabbergasted and needing to vent.

In any case, I think I'll try to avoid this as best as I can in the future. It's really draining.

Have any of you experienced this? One day you're friends with a fun, seemingly independent person and then she has a baby, loses a brain, wants to revert back to the racist, sexist 1950's, never work a paying job again, and live a life of full on dependency?

Tell me it's not just me.

Dear Breeders At The Theater- Please Fucking Die.

2009-12-15T17:45:00.017-07:00

I guess I shouldn't continue to be surprised or appalled at entitled, inconsiderate, self-absorbed breeders who insist upon hauling their children to ADULT intended venues but dammit, I just cannot NOT be appalled.

Recently, me and a group of my girlfriends decided to take in a 10pm screening of an R rated film...

Again I don't know WHY I allow myself to be shocked at the ignorant actions of breeders anymore, but honestly you could have knocked me over with a feather when a couple with TWO strollers sauntered into that movie theater and plopped their asses down into the front row of seats.

The children with them appeared to be between 2 and 4 years old and let me just say...this is not a tame R rated movie. This was a screening of "Precious".

Not familiar with it? Take a gander at the trailer.

Precious Trailer - The most popular videos are a click away

This film is rife with profanity, shows scenes of sexual abuse and incest, and depicts explicitly violent acts of child abuse and attempted murder.

Looks like a great choice for children doesn't it?

Me and my friends were personally traumatized by the movie and cried intermittently throughout (we even passed around a box of tissues)...and we are ADULTS.

Grown ass people (besides us) in this theater were openly sobbing and emotionally distraught by the film.

What fuckwit would bring TODDLERS to see this? The trailer alone - which has been airing for months via commercial and on Oprah's show - should have indicated to everyone viewing that the themes of this movie are not appropriate for children!

The atmosphere...a theater full of adults trying to enjoy a movie they paid $10 to see, in peace and quiet, is not an appropriate atmosphere for children.

What the fuck are you breeders doing?

And as I expected, the disturbing scenes of violence, anger, and yelling got these kids crying pretty early on into the film.

Typically though, mommy and daddy didn't see the need to give the rest of the theater any reprieve from the shrieks and wails of their little twat monsters. There was no removing of the children. The rest of us be damned. The shithead "parents" (I use that term loosely) were not going to miss a nanosecond of the movie to tend to THEIR fucking kids.

It pissed me right the fuck off. I wanted so badly to get up and go complain but my friends begged me not to.

Ugh.

What I really don't understand is WHY this is allowed. The asshole taking tickets won't let me bring in a milkshake from Cold Stone but he lets these breeders into a graphic R rated film with two whiny ass kids under the age of 4?

Where the fuck are the priorities here?

Why are there not stringent rules at movie theaters that say: "For the consideration of our patrons attending any film rated R, and for the consideration of children viewing images deemed not to be age appropriate by the MPAA, we prohibit the presence of children under the age of 13."

It's really that fucking simple, why is it not done??

This is the second R rated movie I've been to in the last few months where I've seen babies and/or toddlers in the theater. The other was equally inappropriate for kids, the horror film "Orphan".

I can't begin to understand why people are so blatantly inconsiderate of others when bringing their kids to ADULT venues.

I can't begin to understand why people allow their toddler spawn to sit in loud theaters with movies filled with adult language and pervasive violence.

And lastly, I can't begin to understand what is so fucking hard about getting a goddamn babysitter!!!!!!!

More of My Pro-Choice Rantings

2009-12-09T23:43:00.006-07:00

Following up on the last post, I wanted to talk more about the tactics of some of the protesters who frequent the clinic because I think it's important to be aware of the lengths these people will go to shame, race bait, deceive, and invade the privacy of PP's patients.

I do very much believe that just their presence alone is invading the privacy of the women who visit our clinic. They are there to invoke shame and guilt for something that is no one's business but that of the woman herself.

So yes, I do think it's a gross invasion of privacy and while I have no problem with "free speech", it should not be LEGAL to have your "free speech" at the expense of another human beings' right to privacy when accessing any form of medical attention. PERIOD.

Ugghhh. Makes me stabby.

In any case, let me address the criminal level of stupidity displayed by some of our most ardent opponents because honestly, it is unparalleled by anything else I have ever witnessed.

Imagine my disbelief one day upon hearing "shouty little asshole" (my arch nemesis and least favorite protester) offering up a "free high chair" to our patients.

This is not a goddamn joke either. Her exact words were: "Please don't kill your baby! We can help you. We can get you a free high chair!"

Wow, what a monumental offer. This was really a tough choice for some of these women I'm sure, but if you can get them a free high chair, THAT SOLVES EVERYTHING! What reason could you possibly have to follow through with an abortion if you're being offered a HIGH CHAIR????

{insert extreme sarcasm here}

OMFG I can't even take it sometimes.

In.what.assholes.mind.....does giving someone a high chair reconcile every other profoundly life-altering hurdle present when considering whether or not to carry a fetus to term?

Do you understand what the fuck I go through to try and maintain my civility for the sake of the patients?

It's hard, I am not going to lie.

Another thing I'd be remiss not to mention is the way some of the protesters plead for women and girls to "just come with us down the block for breakfast, so you can tell us about your situation. If you change your mind about having this procedure after you talk to us, we will bring you back to Planned Parenthood".

*Sidebar- I don't believe for one second they would ever bring someone BACK to what they perceive is a "haven of 'baby-killing' and ill repute". I honestly think that anyone naive enough to accompany them and then have the audacity to NOT agree to do things their way would be left stranded and helpless.

Now, I have never seen anyone fall for this tactic but some of the other volunteers say there are rare occasions when patients are swayed by these people and actually leave with them.

What I'm told is that the whole "let us buy you breakfast" tactic is just another way to foil the abortion since this is a procedure that MUST be done on an empty stomach.

This is like high school level fucking sabotage with these people.

"Eat some of our tasty free food you vulnerable, naive pregnant girl. That way the clinic won't be able to terminate your pregnancy today!" *evil cackle*

What the fuck is this, Snow White and The Sabotaging, Breakfast-Wielding Anti-Choice Dwarfs?

And it only gets more frightening.

One of the biggest fucking shams ever thought into existence by these maniacal zealots is the infamous "Ultrasound RV" that used to troll the surrounding neighborhood near the clinic lying in wait for women "on the fence" about their impending terminations.

Just by the sounds of it you know I am talking about some extreme fuckery dontcha?

Well, it's just as you imagine it. This is an enormous recreational vehicle equipped with ultrasound apparatus. Also reportedly included? Random people dressed in scrubs (to give them the appearance of a legitimate medical professional) offering women free ultra sounds (in their shitty ass RV) and "counseling".

I haven't seen this thing on any of my shifts but several sources tell me it is in fact real and not some crazy urban myth.

It is unknown whether these people are actually CERTIFIED to even perform ultra sounds (I'm thinking ummm NOPE!) but, they have been known to tell women that they are farther along than they actually are just to deceive them into believing it's too late for them to have an abortion.

Just thinking of some young, uneducated, under-privileged woman being bamboozled into continuing a pregnancy under these kinds of circumstances puts me in extreme mental despair. The amount of anger and emotion is almost too much to cope with if I really allow myself to consider this possibility.

Again, I am told there are women who leave with them on rare occasion and for that I'm sure the protesters feel victorious that day. But victorious over what? The fact that they guilted and shamed a woman into keeping a baby she likely cannot take care of either financially, emotionally, psychologically?

The woman carrying this fetus actually came to a clinic - which is a huge step for some - to abort it. She was serious about her inability to go through with this pregnancy until these people intervened.

They can walk away from that precarious situation and feel good about themselves without WORRYING about the fate of this woman and the soon to be born child?

It's really hard for me to swallow. Maybe it shouldn't be, but it is.

I never in a million years thought that I could feel such compassion, concern, and care for women who are complete and total strangers but I feel like I remember the faces of every woman I have ever seen walk into our clinic. I remember their faces and I remember the stories they tell me of how they arrived at this critical juncture in their lives.

Days later, when I'm going about my daily routine...out of nowhere I'll wonder how they're doing.

This is not something I'm trying to frame as sad or tragic either.

When they leave our clinic, I am nothing but utterly relieved for them. Not sad or regretful, but relieved.

Relieved they had a choice.

That they weren't forced into motherhood against their will.

That they didn't bring another unwanted child into the world.

That, if they are childless and impoverished, their chances of emerging from poverty are better without the presence of children. Numerous studies (and conventional wisdom) tell us that women with children are more likely to be impoverished. One source states that "Motherhood increases the odds of poverty by an estimated 79%."

These are things I personally care a lot about.

I realize that the protesters (and anyone who is AGAINST CHOICE) do not care about these things.

Essentially, these people want PP out of business which means not just less abortions. It means less affordable contraception for those with low incomes, less access to affordable reproductive health services, and less STD testing, education, and treatment for people in communities that under-served and generally underprivileged when it comes to health care services.

Make no mistake, the people protesting PP and similar providers are protesting ALL of these services, not just abortion.

I think my hope is that anyone reading this is spurred to do something relevant to support CHOICE. Personally believing in a woman's right to choose unfortunately is not actively helping women. That's not an accusatory statement or an indictment of anyone's character. I just think a lot of us are complacent and unaware of how much of a threat this anti-choice movement really is.

With the Stupak-Pitts amendment (which polls show is favored by a majority of Americans), even the ability to use private insurance to pay for an abortion would be threatened. A MAJORITY of Americans don't believe any federal funds should be used toward an abortion. Yet how many of those same people gripe at the notion that their tax dollars must go to something "welfare related"? How many of them are too stupid to realize that less unwanted, unplanned children women aren't prepared for means less welfare and poverty?

Oklahoma wants to pass a law forcing women undergoing abortions to reveal the following bits of personal information:

1) Date of abortion
2) County in which abortion is performed
3) Age of mother
4) Marital status of mother
5) Race of mother
6) Years of education of mother
7) State or foreign country of residence of mother
8) Total number of previous pregnancies of the mother

This information would then be fully accessible to the public which means women in small towns could possibly be identified by their friends and neighbors as the "culprits" of a perfectly legal medical procedure.

My state and numerous others are supporting pharmacists in denying women birth control and emergency contraception.

My state and others are enacting prohibitive measures such as "24 hour waiting periods" and "mandatory counseling" to put barriers in place for women seeking access to abortion services.

Yes ladies, they are legislating how we become informed about our own uteri. They are legislating our bodies and it's contents. They are legislating whether we can PREVENT PREGNANCY OR NOT because they are more concerned with the rights of some pharmacist than the long term implications of you having a baby you may not want or be able to take care of.

The gravity of all this should devastate ANYONE who cares about women.

How we spend our time defending our rights matters. Who we vote for matters. How we take a stand on this issue matters.

Donate to PP or a similar organization. Volunteer for PP or a similar provider in your community. Vote every anti-choice bastard you know out of office. Campaign for them. If it applies to you, simply say the words I said in my last post regarding this: "YES, I WOULD HAVE AN ABORTION". Help take the horrible stigma away from this valid, powerful choice. Too often women are afraid to say they would have an abortion but the reality is, 1 in 3 of us will have had an abortion by the time we're 45.

ONE in THREE

It's not that I don't respect people who say they personally support the choice but would not have one, it's that we need to hear from the women who support the choice and are not afraid of saying YES they would have one. Those voices are in short supply.

Sometimes I wonder if it is going to take us going back to pre- ROE v. Wade days for people to stop being complacent about this. The days when women DIED from illegal, botched abortions or from desperate attempts to self-abort using dangerous drugs and wire hangers.

As cruel as it sounds, that may be the only way to wake the pro-choice movement up from it's seemingly peaceful slumber.

I hear a lot of voices these days with regard to this issue...it's unfortunate that the anti-choice ones seem to be the loudest.

SAHM's: Disrupt Their Delusion At Your Own Risk.

2009-12-03T16:55:00.054-07:00

*I will be following up on the last post, simply consider this an intermission*

Ugh...Facebook Momfia Wars. Why do I keep finding myself in this situation?

Lemme tell ya what happened.

OK, so BFF posted something to Facebook about how she longs to be a SAHM but has no conceivable way to manage it financially.

She hates looking for a job (as do most people) and hates the idea of leaving her baby in daycare.

Being that I am a staunch advocate of women being as independent as possible (and not counting on men to "make their lives" for them), I thought I'd recommend the book "The Feminine Mistake" (which I talked about here) and remind her how possible it is to find a job you love.

I posted:

Two things: First, I think you should dedicate yourself to finding a job you absolutely love. It is NOT impossible and I am living proof of that! If you need resume help or something, I am here girlfriend!

Secondly, I implore you to go to your local library and find the book 'The Feminine Mistake' by Leslie Bennetts.

I read it a few years ago (after watching an Oprah episode about women who stayed home with their kids instead of working and ended up divorced or widowed and completely annihilated financially because of their economic dependence on their spouse) and it is worth it's weight in gold...

One thing I liked about the book is that she stresses that women NOT think of working as "X of MY wages will go to daycare". The child is both of your financial responsibilities because you are married, so why do women think in the singular mindset of where "their wages" will go and deduce it isn't "worth it" for them to work? The goal of working is to ensure financial security and income growth, and this comes only with time. Time spent working! There will come a day when you are not paying for daycare because the kid will eventually go to school. A job and the formation of a career is an investment you make in yourself and can help to ensure your security should you ever end up divorced, widowed, or with a critically injured/disabled spouse who can no longer support the family.

I want you to be happy and have an abundance of choices and options...I personally think that comes in part with having a stable job (that you enjoy) and an extensive back up plan not related to any one person. Dependence has definite risks. This book made me think about that a lot. The thought of something happening to ______ (her husband) or your marriage and you and the baby being compromised because of it kills my soul. Having a job doesn't protect you from *everything* but it provides an additional layer of security for you and your child and the ability to more quickly leave an undesirable situation should it ever come to that.

Now...did I say anything *wrong* here? Overly passionate maybe, but this is how we communicate with each other. Still, nothing malicious in the comment right?

Well, BFF's friend (who I've never met)- whom we'll call "Terminally Unemployed, Devastatingly Insecure Mombie" took HUGE issue with my advice.

She decides to butt into the dialogue and say:

What is security? Security can be snatched away in an instant--as many of us have seen in our current economic situation. If one's desire is to work, then great--but if one's desire is to stay at home, rearing the next generation (which I'm currently doing), then that should be applauded. One day, I will not lie on my deathbed and say, "I wish I would've worked more." Every family is so different, and what may work for one, may not work for the other. Why plan for disaster? It's one thing to be prepared, but another to change your entire lifestyle, "just in case" the world turns upside down."

"Why plan for disaster"??? Did I just read that?

And "what is security"? Um, I can tell you what ISN'T security. Hitching your wagon to a man and putting all your eggs in his basket. That's what ISN'T "security".

From her profile picture, it seems as if this woman has three kids. So with THREE FUCKING KIDS, the fact that she doesn't see the need to "plan for disaster" is very disturbing and honestly an indication of how reckless and irresponsible people are with their children's futures. The "I don't WANT to work, even though I can't afford to have a catastrophe happpen" mentality seems common among SAHM's.

"Why plan for disaster???..." You must be fucking joking woman.

I plan for disaster and all I have is fucking cats man!

And really. If your choice is so magnificent and you'll "never lie on your deathbed wishing you'd worked more", why are you getting so fucking defensive about me telling my friend how huge of a risk staying home is for someone in her position? Could it be because YOU are positively desperate for your situation to work out because your options are limited and you hate having it brought to your attention?

COULD THAT BE WHY BITCH?

Because your life DEPENDS on whether or not your husband decides to stay married to you? Because you and your children's lives DEPEND on whether or not he stays healthy enough to work and make enough money to support you and three kids? Because you have no job, job prospects, or money of your own and have built an entire house of cards upon one man's personal whims and luck?

Awww, I guess that would make anyone defensive huh?

Boo friggity hoo bitch. Make a different decision and get empowered then.

"Ugh, WHY are you even talking to me you troll? I am addressing my FRIEND about this!!!", I wanted to type back in ALL CAPS.

Instead though, I figured I'd muster up some decorum, (while still highlighting the foolishness and level of risk involved in such a decision).

"Um, no need for a "mommy wars" debate or the defensiveness. I don't even know you. Or your circumstances for that matter. If someone is happy being solely dependent on a man's income (and his whims/desire to always stay married to you, faithful to you, and support you financially, along with his ability to never befall anything unfortunate) embrace that lifestyle and hope for the best...you certainly don't need to justify yourself or your choice to me, a stranger on a mutual friend's Facebook page...if ______ (our friend) were filthy rich I would not be on here telling her- "Even though you are independently wealthy, I think you need a job for autonomy and personal fulfillment and forget about staying home with your kid." My advice is geared toward her because I know her situation. In regard to HER, I worry about all of the things that depending solely on imperfect people (and their pesky ability to get hurt and/or drop dead) and ever-changing relationships can cause down the road and I want her to have as much empowerment and protection against that as possible...I am not addressing you personally or the beloved institution of stay at home mommyhood."

Dumbass.

I mean really. Why are her panties in a bunch over this if she's not somehow insecure about her own vulnerabilities?

Terminally Unemployed, Devastatingly Insecure Mombie's response:

"I WILL EMBRACE IT! That's what vows are for. To each his own you know."

Um...that's what the fuck I just said in my last comment you touchy, wretched hag. Embrace that shit all you want!

Oh but the "that's what vows are for" comment made me L-O-fucking L.

"WAAAAAA, STOP MAKING ME THINK ABOUT NOT HAVING A PLAN B. MY VOWS WILL WITHSTAND EVERYTHING!!! DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME OTHERWISE!!!"

ROFL!

This is what happens when you talk about this to women who don't work. There is all of sorts of faux-existential questioning..."what is security anyway???" and vague talk of "vows" as if "vows" protect against every crisis people will ever face when they aren't financially independent. They wax philosophical about "lying on their death beds" and evaluating their lives....ugh, it's all so ridiculous.

You rarely ever hear anything of substance out of their mouths addressing the issue you're bringing up- the fact that this IS a risky choice for any woman who isn't financially secure on her own merit. Nothing they counter with is sufficient enough to justify putting the children they love so much in this potentially precarious position.

That's ok...if hubby becomes a vegetable or runs off with his childfree, 22-year-old girlfriend Heather, hopefully all your "love" will pay the mortgage and bills, as well as send your kids to college and fill up your 401k so you can prepare for retirement.

Just tell the kids you loved them too much to "plan for disaster". They'll understand!!

Again, as staunchly CF and feminist as I am, I have NO PROBLEM with a woman deciding to stay home as long as she is financially independent and not subject to the health, wealth, luck, and whims of a man. Vows or no vows.

If those things are not in place then yeah, I think the choice is risky and foolish and their dislike of that opinion is rooted in their own insecurity. I think that deep down, the women who get upset like this KNOW how risky it is. If they were secure, there wouldn't be any reason to be ruffled over the subject. They'd think to themselves, "Oh, they're talking about women in sketchy financial positions. This doesn't include me because I can make it just fine without my husband", and move on with their damn lives.

Anyhow, I'm glad I copied and pasted this thread earlier (intending to post it here) because apparently, after some time away from the keyboard and likely the realization that she came off as defensive and scared, "Terminally Unemployed, Devastatingly Insecure Mombie" came back to the thread, deleted all of her prior comments and addressed the following to me:

"(Childfree Chick), I just want to say I have no animosity in any of my comments. I really just wanted to encourage _______ to do whatever she can to follow her desire to stay home--this is not to say that one day she won't enter the workplace. I DO NOT look down on any working mother--my mom was a single mom and worked a ton, doing whatever she could to take care of us. I respect her so much, just as I respect any mom who has the privilege to stay home and be present for her kids. It all comes down to how much we love our kids and show that love--that's what they'll remember--whether we work for pay or work at home for no pay."

Um whatever. LOL. Who is she kidding? None of her comments referenced our friend at all. They were all rabidly defending her own risky, dependent lifestyle choice. The one she is clearly insecure and overly sensitive about.

I decided not to respond because this woman's cards are already on the table and she has already been exposed. She is pathetic enough to delete her own nonsensical, shrill comments for fuck's sake. And while my interest was for that of our friend, hers was simply to defend what she's done with her own life. I clearly hit a nerve with all my talk of BFF being secure and empowered, and this bitch's carefully constructed SAHM veneer cracked like a fucking eggshell over it.

Typical.

Me & My Pro-Choice Rantings

2009-11-30T22:48:00.005-07:00

As many of you are aware, I am a passionate pro-choicer and recently decided to embark upon a volunteer-ship with Planned Parenthood.

Well after volunteering for a while, I thought I'd share some of my experiences here as this has been one of the most affirming, powerful things I have ever done.

Note: This will probably be a two-parter cause I have a lot to address.

While I can't share any patient stories because of confidentiality, I will tell you about the protest activity because I was INCREDIBLY ignorant about what goes on at PP and similar women's health clinics.

I had assumed that the protesters mostly walked around carrying signs in silence. At worst I thought the signs would be gruesome, photoshopped images of sleeping babies covered in ketchup or red dyed corn syrup (like in the movies).

Additionally, I expected maybe some chanting about abortion being "murder" and the like.

What I did not expect was to be called "a murderer who helps show babies to their deaths".

What I did not expect was to hear protesters loudly asserting that "Abortion causes breast cancer".

An outright motherfucking lie.

What I did not expect was to hear these people shouting with absolution that "75% of women regret aborting their babies!!!!"

Also not fucking true.

What I also did not expect to hear was white protesters telling my Black self and our Black patients that "PP loves to kill Black and Hispanic babies because the founder of PP, Mararet Sanger was a racist".

Yes, Sanger may have been a eugenics sympathizer and racially insensitive but in those times, it's hard to count many White people or organizations who weren't. The Democratic party has a particularly extensive prior history of profound racism. Yet that doesn't stop me, President Obama, or any other democratic minority from proudly claiming the "Democrat" label today.

The bottom line is, things CHANGE. Organizations change. Planned Parenthood has no vendetta against Black and Hispanic babies.

Ugh. I cannot tell you how stunned I was that these people were bringing up the racial politics of a woman who's been dead for over 40 years.

And it REALLY chaps my ass that these are White, conservative, privileged (from the looks of the cars they drive up in) women reciting this bullshit. Do you honestly think they give a good goddamn about Black and Hispanic women in any other capacity? In what ways do they reach out to assist these minority women on a daily basis?

I'm going to guess NONE other than shaming them for seeking access to reproductive health care.

I'd like to peek into their homes to see how many minority babies they've personally adopted. Or how many minority women they've been personally charitable or generous to.

According to the most recent census data, black women make up 12.3% of the female population in America. The Guttmacher Institute (AGI) puts the percentage of black abortions at 37% of the U.S. total. Similarly, AGI tells us that Hispanic women account for 22% of all U.S. abortions, though they make up 12.5% of the female population. Non-Hispanic, white women, who make up 62.6% of America's female population account for 34% of all U.S. abortions.

Do you know what I think of this data? We have a CULTURAL and SOCIO-ECONOMIC issue at hand. Not a Planned Parenthood induced issue. It's not exactly a secret that the median household income of Blacks and Hispanics is considerably less than Whites, that minorities are more likely to be un or under employed than Whites, that minorities are more likely to be uninsured and have less access to medical care than Whites, etc. etc..

If minority women had access to more resources and support PERIOD (and affordable contraception), perhaps they'd account for less abortions?

According to AGI:
"Beyond geographic and financial access, life events such as relationship changes, moving or personal crises can have a direct impact on (birth control) method continuation. Such events are more common for low-income and minority women than for others, and may contribute to unstable life situations where consistent use of contraceptives is lower priority than simply getting by. In addition, a woman's frustration with a birth control method can result in her skipping pills or not using condoms every time. Minority women, women who are poor and women with little education are more likely than women overall to report dissatisfaction with either their contraceptive method or provider. Cultural and linguistic barriers also can contribute to difficulties in method continuation."

So yeah, let's address the diverse variety of issues that plague minority women and then see how the abortion rate is reduced, mmkay?

Until that happens, I don't wanna hear the fucking bullshit because I have absolutely no reason to believe they truly give a fuck about the collective plight of minorities.

Another thing I did not expect to hear was protesters telling our patients? "YOU COULD DIE IN THERE, THIS ISN'T SAFE!!!" and implying to them that abortion is some dangerously rogue, unsafe procedure.

Um, the truth is, pregnancy and childbirth are far more dangerous and deadly than abortion, which is one of the safest medical procedures available to women.

According to bioethicist and medical historian Jacob Appel, "abortion is convincingly far safer for maternal health than bringing a fetus to term."

He also went on to say:

"According to the National Center for Health Statistics, the likelihood of an American woman dying in childbirth is approximately 1 in 7,500. In contrast, a 2004 study published in Obstetrics and Gynecology found the risk of dying during an abortion in the first eight weeks of pregnancy, when the majority of terminations take place, to be roughly 1 in 1,000,000. That's safer than a round-trip flight on a commercial aircraft. Even abortions performed at greater than 21 weeks (1.1% of all abortions) have a mortality of 1 in 11,000 -- far lower than live delivery. If one measures only immediate morbidity and mortality, there is no way to spin these numbers to suggest that abortion is less safe than giving birth."

Yet we don't see these protesting assbags outside of the maternity ward warning women about the danger they face when delivering their babies do we?

Nope, cause that's a MIRACLE!

*Even though it's been done 6 million times, they still call it "miraculous*

In essence, these protesters want women to RISK THEIR LIVES giving birth to babies they do not want and or have decided they cannot take care of.

To be clear, I am not suggesting that pregnancy is OMG SO LIFE-THREATENING DON'T DO IT!, but I am saying the proof is in the pudding. Carrying a baby to term is much more life threatening for women than having an abortion and there are far more complications.

It has become painfully obvious to me that these protesters are actually protesting our patients as fervently as they protest our center. They are profoundly obtuse, woefully misinformed, and passionate about the shaming they do in front of our clinic every day.

Never mind the fact that only 3% of our services are abortion related. EVERY SINGE WOMAN entering the clinic is told: "YOU DON'T HAVE TO KILL YOUR BABY!!"

Um, not all of these women are there to abort, dickheads!

As I just stated, about 3% of the services provided by PP is abortion related.

The services breakdown is as follows:

Contraception- 38%
STD testing and treatment- 29%
Cancer screening and prevention- 19%
Other women's health services- 10%
Other services- 1%

Knowing this, it boggles the mind how belligerently assumptive these people are. They haven't a clue what ANY of these people are visiting the clinic for so they simply go with the logic that "well, it must be for an abortion, let me scream and shame everyone in exactly the same brutish, ignorant manner."

It's truly sickening.

Another thing I wasn't expecting to hear? About how "my own abortions are the reason I volunteer at PP." Apparently, "I console myself by watching other women go through this process."

Oh yes, one of our more vocal protesters screams this to me every time I work a shift.

Um, this might be good logic if only I'D EVER BEEN PREGNANT!

But...I've never been fucking pregnant.

I know this is likely inconceivable since I'm a Black woman who volunteers at a clinic that performs abortions (and shucks why else in this little old white lady's mind would I be there for pete's sakes!?!?!) and all, but yeah it's true.

THIS is what the fuck I'm talking about when I tell you how ASSUMPTIVE these motherfucking bastards are.

Yeah, I'm here to console myself over my multiple abortions. OMG LOL WTF!!111!

Sorry.

One of my counterparts (who has also never had an abortion but is also accused of having them by this shouty little asshole), makes it a point to correct this woman by telling her "I have never had an abortion".

You know what...I don't bother for two reasons:

The first reason I don't correct her is because if I did experience an unplanned pregnancy, I would have an abortion as soon as possible after finding out. Without shame or hesitation, I would abort. End of story.

So I don't feel compelled to correct her erroneous assumption because this isn't a procedure I personally wouldn't have or one I'd feel ashamed of. I would have one if I needed to, so really, how does this make me any different from all of our patients, whom she gleefully vilifies and excoriates?

In my eyes, I'm no different than our many patients who are exercising their right to choice...the only thing that differs is our circumstances.

Secondly, my personal sexual and reproductive history is none of this itty bitty fucktard's business. I do not have to justify myself to her...not even to deny her false assumptions. If she wants to think I've had multiple abortions...let her. What the fuck do I care? I am not vulnerable. I'm there standing up for women who need support the face of these rabid sociopaths. I can take whatever abuse gets thrown at me. It's the women and girls who visit our clinic who sometimes cannot.

I don't even want to describe to you how women's faces fall when they step out of their cars and are screamed at by strangers. Some in tears and keeping silent, some angry and finding the voice to scream back, but all of them disappointed and undoubtedly feeling the mountain of shame heaped upon them by these people.

As if their situation weren't difficult enough on it's own.

It makes me ill to think about it too much.

{sigh}

More to come in the next post...I have a lot to share and this is taxing to write about...

Back From Turks & Caicos!

2009-11-29T19:35:00.007-07:00

Well...my trip to Turks & Caicos was fucking amazing and THANK GAWD I came across little to no children during my air travel and the vacation itself.

Whew.

I decided to stay at a small boutique hotel on the beach rather than some mega resort and I really think that worked in my favor.

Anyway, I found a hot Haitian guy to have a fling with, I luxuriated on the beach, sampled an abundance of wine and fruit flavored margaritas, and met several interesting people. It really was a stellar vacation.

When I gave my BFF (yes the one who just had a baby) a full trip report (hot beach sex details included) she voiced happiness for me but in the next breath, told me she was jealous.

I didn't know how to take that but again, I found myself feeling a wee bit guilty. And I HATE feeling guilty.

But I think just knowing how little sleep she's getting, how she and hubby are having no sex, and just the general shit that goes into raising a newborn, made me feel a little bit like a bitch for throwing my uncomplicated, childfree life (and hot vacation sex), in her face.

Honestly, this doesn't happen with ANY of my other friends...I never feel guilty about anything when it comes to anyone but her. Maybe it's because I'm just generally closer to her?

At risk of being labeled a "martyr", I have to ask does anyone else feel like this when talking to childed friends about your amazing CF experiences?

Ugh. Guilt suxass.

But you know what, I have allowed it to subside. I feel great about being able to do these things and the REASON I am able to do them is because I don't have kids.

I have the little guilty moments when I feel "self-indulgent" (gasp!) but I think it's probably normal. When everyone around you is catering to children and husbands and you are traveling, enjoying a life of freedom, having flings with hot guys you barely know in the Caribbean, and tossing back daiquiris...it can seem like your life is in a different stratosphere but that's because IT IS!

And there is NOTHING WRONG WITH IT!

I would love to evolve to a point where I feel not even a passing moment of guilt for my life because hello- it's exactly the life I want to be living, but I think it's going to take time. As self aware as I like to think I am, I have to admit it's hard to get out of that mindset that society tries to bog CF people down with.

When you're conditioned to believe that your life experiences are all TRIVIAL AND MEANINGLESS until you plop out a baby, it's not exactly surprising to sometimes feel guilt over having the CF life you always wanted.

I'd bet money I'm not the only one grappling with this on occasion...

In any case, please feel free to check out the photos from my trip. I created a public FB page so I could share these with the readers of my blogs...

CF Mahogany on Facebook

OMFG WTF IS THIS?

2009-11-03T16:05:00.005-07:00

I don't know if anyone else frequents the humor blog STFU Parents, but let me tell you, sometimes there are things on this site that even I can't handle.

As a new user of Facebook, I haven't yet had the pleasure of coming across EXTREME parental over-share but let me tell you something- if I ever see some shit like this or anything that even holds a candle to this bullshit- I am not only deleting the offender from my friend list, I am excommunicating the motherfucker from my entire life.

Really. What kind of sick bastard would post some ill shit like this on the goddamned internet???

You know...there are almost no words for how vomit inducing something like this is. When I initially saw this, I was utterly appalled and flabbergasted. My next feeling was one of pure anger, which is weird since these are complete strangers, but something about this photo PISSED ME OFF.

I can't exactly put my finger on why either. I just saw it and became semi-furious. Like "wow you people are some damaged motherfuckers" and "how do you make it through life when you are that skullfuckingly fucked in the head?"

Don't you feel sorry for the offspring of whomever would do something like this? I mean seriously. THIS IS FUCKING SICK BEYOND BELIEF. Who does this???????

Ugghhhh! I can't even talk about this anymore. I need to go wrap myself in a blanket and sit in a dark corner somewhere.

Pregnancy Does NOT Entitle You To Premier Parking!

2009-10-12T19:37:00.013-07:00

I've only been on Facebook for a month and ALREADY it's proving itself to be more of an annoyance than what I need in my life.

Here's the story.

I posted a camera phone picture of an annoying sign in my local grocer's parking lot that states "Expectant Mom Parking" and added the caption: "While, I'd never park in a traditional handicap accessible parking space, I DO park here quite regularly, because pregnancy is not a fucking handicap and you should not get special parking spot for having sex!".

Because really, if sex is the standard for premier parking, my own sexual history should more than qualify me.

Anyway, this is my typical sarcastic fare and not at all out of the ordinary but, the next thing I know, one of my friends posts a "woe is me" comment stating: "All I can think about is how wonderful that space was when I was 9 months and having a hard time walking."

Uggghh. Classic move to try and guilt trip me, no?

Well, I'm not taking the bait.

Recently, I was diagnosed with osteo-arthritis (it runs in my family BIG time & presented itself in all of my affected relatives before age 35), and I have been having SERIOUS knee pain for the past several weeks.

My response back?

"Well, it was pretty "wonderful" for me today because my osteoarthritis is KILLING my GD knee- but oddly there are never any "special" parking spots marked off for "newly diagnosed arthritis sufferers" or "general fatigue suffers" or really ANYTHING BUT "mother with small child" and expectant moms"....I get that pregnancy is draining but so are a myriad of other conditions that Fry's (the name of the store) doesn't give a damn about. Your pregnancy was a temporary condition and it is now over. My osteo is hereditary and is here to stay. You can choose never to get pregnant again. I can't choose to not have fucked up joints. So you totally win!

Annnnd you got a tax break and tons of free shower gifts as a result the pregnancy. Your pregnancy got more consideration and benefits than my osteo ever will.

More WINS for you! :-)

/sarcasm

I mean really. Pregnancy is not the only condition on earth that makes walking difficult. Also I should say that even before my osteo diagnosis, I parked in those spots all the time. Hell, I was TIRED. I am a single woman who has to carry ALL of my groceries ALONE.

But are there any designated spots for MY lifestyle choice?

Fuck to the hell no!

She was not to be deterred though.

Her: "You can get a handicap tag that would allow you to park in those spaces-you just need a doctors note. I am sure there are a lot of things that you don't agree with but do you have to take away something that could potentially benefit another person just because you don't think it's right."

First of all, I honestly didn't know someone my age could obtain a handicap sticker for arthritis (why didn't my fucking doctor enlighten me to this when he last saw me in agony??). Secondly, don't you just loooove being chastised and guilt tripped by your friends?

Who doesn't!

Yes I am a mean, insensitive person for "taking something away" from someone who, like her, sought to be in that preventable/terminable condition.

Someone who ACTIVELY chose to get pregnant deserves special parking because their CHOICE might make them tired?

I beg to differ.

My response: "Well, this is sort of apples to oranges. I'd never park in a traditional handicap accessible spot because I do have consideration for others who are in conditions not of their choosing.

By this logic, any difficult thing we choose to bring upon ourselves that causes stress, fatigue, etc. would deserve some special reward or parking spot right? What about the morbidly obese? What about people who smoke a lot and are easily winded? Unlike having a legitimate handicap, all of these are lifestyle choices. Is it "fair" to everyone else that one of these choices gets a nice cushy spot at the grocery store and the others don't? I don't think it is honestly. Why is there no spot for chemo patients or dialysis patients? Do you see where I'm going? Pregnancy is (unfairly) the exalted condition by society and yes because I disagree I will keep parking there on principal."

So she smart alecks back with "Just fyi-all the examples you listed qualify for a handitag."

Ummmm last time I checked, people who smoke a lot and have no other condition do NOT qualify for a handitag and neither do obese people with no other medical conditions but...correct me in the comments if I'm wrong please.

Also, anyone who is undergoing chemo or dialysis and relies solely on relatives and neighbors for rides may NOT have a handicap sticker! But the grocery store in question doesn't seem to have any "designated drivers of ailing persons" spots marked off do they? Do they hold considerations for ANY OTHER persons who might need a close parking space but don't have a handicapped sticker?

No they do not. Because pregnancy is WORSHIPED more than anything else in the world you can think up!

IT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT THING WIMMENZ CAN DO!

My.Ass.

So let's tally things up here. No special parking spot for people who might happen to be driving a handicapped associate. No special parking spot for exhausted single women who have to make 20 trips to and from the car carrying heavy ass groceries. No special parking spot for general fatigue or exhaustion. No special parking spot for people who may have just had a medical procedure. (And no special parking spots for being a childfree citizen who conserves and isn't contributing to overpopulation either, I might add).

Nope. No parking spots for any of that. Only pregnancy!!

I can't let this one slide. I counter with:

"That's news to me but if smoking and eating too much qualify for a sticker, so should pregnancy.

If pregnancy doesn't qualify for a sticker on it's own merit, then I must not be the only one who doesn't think it's akin to having a handicap, thus deserving of a special parking space."

Also, I have to say, one of my friends was in great shape during her pregnancy and was doing light jogging EVERY DAY, almost up until her delivery date. Even on my BEST day, I can NOT jog with this painful osteo-arthritis, so I honestly don't want to hear that pregnancy is an equally debilitating condition for everyone. It is NOT and we all know this!

If YOUR pregnancy is that insufferable that you can't walk more than 12 parking spaces from the grocery store entrance, you should be able to get a fucking handicap sticker.

Do you hear that pregnant people?? If your being pregnant does not warrant a handicap sticker, you need to call your local congress member and complain or something, ok?

In the meantime, I will CONTINUE to park in the stupid pregnancy spot at the grocery store, whether my osteo is acting up OR NOT, without losing a damned bit of sleep over it. Got that?

You're Now In The "Momfia", Let The Chorus of "It's So Worth It" Begin

2009-10-01T20:48:00.029-07:00

My BFF delivered her kid a few days ago and so far, she seems to be happy and handling motherhood fairly well.

But again, she's only like 6 days into this thing so who knows...

Of course, every Facebook update she posts is filled with fucktons of baby pictures and updates on the kid, which I guess I expected, but as a person totally unmoved by infants, I still find it all to be pretty snooze inducing.

I mean how many pictures can you take of a newborn? They look the fucking same in every photo! They have two facial expressions at this age, "crying face" and "blank face".

I mean, really.

In any case, whenever she posts an update about something she's having difficulty with...breastfeeding, lack of sleep, whatever, her "momfia" buddies post the most superficial, annoying comments EVER.

BFF cannot air ONE legitimate grievance without being told "BUT IT'S SO WORTH IT!!!11!" by at least 3 people.

She's been having issues breastfeeding but does anyone with EXPERIENCE care enough to give her helpful suggestions? Nope, they just tell her how "worth it" all this hassle is.

"Breastfeeding is really the best thing for you AND the baby. It is so worth it once you get the hang of it!"

"I promise that the first night is the hardest, keep trying. Welcome the the parent 'hood!"

"Pain aside, there's nothing in the world like the birth of your children! When they first come out and they hand him to you--is that not the most breathtaking moment? There's nothing like it in the world. I wish I could bottle it up."

"Hang in there. Breast is best, and of all the right of women, the greatest is to be a mother."

Ugggghhh. Yeah of all of your achievements in life, having sex and winding up pregnant is the most significant of all!

And of course, there's the mommy judgment. "BREAST IS BEST!!!"

Um sometimes breast doesn't work and baby has to drink formula. IT ISN'T THE END OF THE WORLD.

Gawd, guilt tripping her already.

One of her friends in particular, is so very strident and forceful in her chorus of "it's so worth it", that she frightens me.

Is she simply being positive and uplifting, or is she trying to browbeat my friend into drinking the "happy mommy kool-aid"?

Or is she trying to convince HERSELF that it's all so "worth it" because she too is expecting a child soon (according to BFF)?

I'm not sure, but having read all I have read about parenthood, how hard it is, and how so many people suffer in silence secretly hating it, a lot of this empty praise for it seems a bit hollow to me.

I'm also worried about her being indoctrinated by these goddamn zealots. I fear that with all of these freaks in her ear about how "worthwhile" this endeavor is, she will turn into a creepy Stepford Breeder.

You know the type. Spouting hollow, meaningless platitudes about how great motherhood is, lying to herself and everyone else, never expressing one negative, HONEST reaction about being a mom, and secretly drinking vodka out of a Starbucks cup to get through the day...

I might not have kids but I DO have insight into what a hellish life that is and I don't want that for her at all.

In all of MY conversations with her, I talk to her about having a realistic approach to this new journey she's on. I hope she enjoys it and it makes her happy, but if it doesn't I don't want her being harshly judged by these shrill, sanctimonious, mommy cult worshiping fucktards.

With all that said, I'm left with one sentiment that I can't shake.

I am so glad to not be in her shoes...but so regretful that SHE is in her shoes.

Am I making sense?

For instance, the other day she asked about my upcoming trip to Turks & Caicos next month and told me how excited she was for me. The next sentence was "Wow, I'll be changing diapers and you'll be relaxing on a gorgeous white sand beach..."

I didn't really know how to respond. It wasn't a good feeling though. You know what I felt, like I WISHED she was coming with me. I told her I wished she was coming and that we could have traveled together while we're young.

Her response? "Yeah me too sweetie. There are so many things that aren't going to happen now..."

*Sigh*

As much as I like to be catty and sarcastic on this blog a lot of the time...I'm seriously mourning all the pleasures in life I'll be enjoying without my BFF by my side.

I've had MONTHS to prepare for this, but somehow now that the baby is here, it feels worse than I imagined it would.

You know, I truly hope this IS "all so worth it" for her. Otherwise it's all reduced to one big tragedy. BFF loses her life and vitality to motherhood and I lose my best companion and all of our opportunities to do great things together.

Maybe I'd get a kick out of the schadenfreude if this was someone else but it isn't.

Ugh...time to open up a bottle of Moscato I think.

My Health Insurance is Anti-Childfree...How Bout Yours?

2009-09-09T20:23:00.010-07:00

After much deliberation, I recently decided to switch birth control methods.

After talking over some options with my gynecologist, I decided that maybe I wanted to give Mirena a try.

I knew that there were risks. For instance, it's implanted in your uterus and is often harder to insert in women who haven't had children. Also, there is a higher risk of the device being expelled from an "unused" uterus. My doctor advised me that since a woman's uterus is ALWAYS enlarged by pregnancy, women who have not been pregnant are more susceptible to problems.

Sure this, along with the possibility of pain alarmed me, but I weighed the pros and cons and decided that the risks were worth the reward. It's effective for five years of continuous use!

Whooo hooo!

I scheduled the implantation and looked forward to my new, easier birth control method.

Ugh, well, a week before my appointment I got a call from my doctors office informing me that my insurance would NOT be covering the full cost of the procedure and I would have to pay several hundred dollars in out of pocket costs in order to use this form of birth control.

Of course, I was incensed. Money wasn't necessarily the biggest object either. Sure I could afford to shell out the cash, but as someone planning to hit the Caribbean in a few short months, I didn't want to! PLUS- birth control is something I passionately believe health insurance should cover! With NO QUESTIONS ASKED DAMMIT!

This totally pissed me off so I canceled the procedure and went with another method.

But, in the time since this claim was rejected, I've done some legwork with regard to investigating the policies of my insurance company.

I cannot even express to you how INCENSED I was when I discovered that they cover 90% of the cost of infertility treatments.

IVF costs $12,000 on average.

The cost of my Mirena implant? Less than $1000.

So in a literal sense, my insurance company is willing to shell out THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS to help a woman become pregnant as well as pay for the "extras" that go along with being pregnant. Like...exhaustive pre-natal care, an expensive delivery and hospital stay when the baby is born, and the possibility of multiple births that tend to arise from IVF procedures.

They are willing to take on that great cost for women who want children, but aren't willing to help childless women like me (who cost them MUCH less money), remain CHILDLESS by paying for a relatively inexpensive birth control procedure or even a tubal ligation (which they also DON'T COVER)?

WHAT THE FUCK?

It truly appalls me. Perhaps I shouldn't be so stunned or appalled but I am. It's a completely discriminatory practice if you really contemplate it. They are subsidizing reproduction yet providing almost no support for those of us who are trying to be be diligent in our use of birth control, and in the end cost them much less money.

Look- if they want to be generous and assist people with having babies, FINE. I have NO ISSUE WITH THAT.

My PROBLEM is with the fact that support is given for THOSE individuals while none is given for me, when mine is just as valid a choice and costs them NOTHING in comparison.

This is one of the many times that I am truly befuddled by how the world works and our collective priorities as a society.

I don't want to hear another motherfucker tell me that we don't live in a pro-natalist culture willing to forever validate and support the choice to have children (even when it's in an irresponsible manner) over the choice not to.

If Adoption Were Free...Wouldn't Breeders Still IVF It?

2009-08-26T19:55:00.004-07:00

I was privy to some conversation the other day between two of the women I work with regarding one's struggle to conceive and heard one express a sentiment I have heard MANY times....

"IVF is cheaper than adoption so we're going with that."

This has been talked about a lot lately...just google "IVF vs. Adoption" and a plethora of shit comes up.

Supposedly, IVF costs up to $15k but private adoptions can cost between $20 and $25k.

Hmph, well fostering a kid is FREE if you really want one that bad.

Hell, they pay YOU to take the kid, not vice versa!

How come we never hear THAT?

Sarcasm aside, last I checked, IVF was not a sure thing. You can do a ton of IVF treatments and never, ever get knocked up.

Let's look at it this way. Say I am DYING to have a kid (try not to laugh as you imagine me desiring a fuck trophy of my very own), but have had no luck getting pregnant. I only have $15,000 to my name. Is the wise decision for me to spend that cash on an IVF treatment that may not work, OR save it and work towards another $5 or $10k to facilitate an adoption?

If I do the former and go through IVF unsuccessfully, THAT MONEY IS GONE.

Now, I'm no adoption expert but I'm pretty sure you don't fork over $25,000 and come back with no kid. If you pay for an adoption and it falls though, one would think you'd get your money back.

Not the case with IVF. That shit has a NO REFUND POLICY.

Honestly, I really think people like to give any excuse they can pull out of their ass with regard to doing IVF versus adopting a stranger's kid. They are supposedly DYING for a child but really don't want "someone else's reject baby".

Am I alone in thinking that if adoption was FREE, breeders would STILL spend thousands of dollars on IVF?

I truly, truly believe this.

If Wal-Mart was giving out free Black and Hispanic babies one weekend, PEOPLE WOULD DRIVE PAST THE WAL-MART TO THE IVF CLINIC!

Fucking crazy.

*Sorry if this post isn't the most coherent, I've had a bottle of Riesling about 10 minutes ago.*

Blogging while drunk- population: ME.

Is "Blind Faith" The Paramount Difference Between US and THEM?

2009-08-18T21:36:00.006-07:00

As you know, my BFF is having a little twat dropping in the fall.

I have little faith this is going to work out well for her and that feeling has increased little by little, as her due date looms closer.

I let a lot of things go unspoken while she waxes philosophical about being "zen" and having "faith" that this will be wonderful.

Her husband (they had a shotgun wedding last month) works a lot and is never home. Shortly after the wedding, hubby became impotent due to "stress" (their sex life was horrible to begin with though but I better not go there). She moved from AZ to Northern CA to be with him, so she has no friends or family close by. Her in-laws are almost an hour away. She has no friends or support system in her state. She is a high risk pregnancy so she quit her 6-year job to stay home until the baby is born. She is covered under COBRA for now but if it runs out before she finds a new job, she and the baby will be uninsured because her hubby is self-employed and has no health insurance whatsofucking ever. She also has a pre-existing condition (type 1 diabetes) and no insurance company in California will take her on independently due to that and the law allows that shit in her state.

Explain to me how in the sam hell you have "faith" that things are going to be good in a tough situation like that? I understand that people have it worse, but so what.

This shit is still bad!

Her situation has changed drastically from when she announced her pregnancy.

I do NOT stress these things in conversation with her and I rarely bring ANY of this up at all. I do not need to be the doom and gloom bitch of other people's lives. That is not my job. It's bad enough I spend so much time worrying about people if you ask me, but that's one of my "flaws", I guess.

What strikes me though is the idea of "faith", and just "hoping" everything fucked up will all somehow work out.

Any time we have a conversation, she stresses that she has faith everything will be ok. She isn't a religious person either...she just has this mysterious "faith" that she will have her happily ever after. The more she talks, the more I realize how much of a faithless person I am.

I have very little faith in ANYTHING. Especially in anything that involves other people.

People = historically unreliable, often unpredictable, generally illogical, riddled with issues, flawed and imperfect.

Yeah I'm not big on people. I have seen them in action and I know what they're capable of. I have come to the realization that having strong faith in imperfect people makes us prone to living in a perpetual state of disappointment. I think happiness and satisfaction should be more self-driven than anything.

This is not to say that I am TOTALLY faithless in everyone. I just don't have BLIND FAITH. The kind that keeps me from acknowledging certain inconvenient realities in life.

I look around and see a world full of relatively passive people having a lot of "hope" and "faith" in things, but not fully thinking through their decisions or looking to the experiences of others for insight.

I am starting to think that one of the most blaring differences between people who have kids and us childfree folks, is that instead of weighing EVERY ASPECT of having kids, they hinge their actions on faith and hopes and dreams, and all that kind of shit.

This concept of "faith", in my opinion usually prevents people from looking at things objectively and reasonably. Faith is often another way of putting blinders on and shielding oneself from reality.

As a matter of fact, the very definition of the word "faith" is sketchy and makes me want no part of it. The dictionary states that faith is the "firm belief in something for which there is no proof".

A firm belief in the unprovable...sounds sort of delusional in a way, doesn't it? I mean, if we're being honest, "faith" is the root of a lot of problems.

For instance, it creates religious intolerance. People have always and will always use faith as an excuse to be intolerant of others.

Also, isn't "faith and hope" part of what caused the mortgage crisis? People had "faith" that somehow they would be able to buy homes they couldn't afford. They had "faith" they'd be able to refinance before that ARM adjusted!

So am I crazy or is "faith" not the best thing to hinge important life choices on?

In addition, another part of me wonders, isn't "faith" sort of an arrogant, ignorant state of mind? When people ignore basic reasoning and "odds" if you will, in favor of "faith", isn't that a bit narcissistic? We live in a self-centered society after all. We often think that just because the majority of people fail at certain things, that we are somehow above those odds. We think "it's going to be different for us because we have hope and faith that it will!!!".

Facts (especially inconvenient ones), don't often derail people from doing what they WANT to do, no matter how misguided it is.

Should they? Yes, I think sometimes they should.

But, this being a "ME" oriented society, we all believe we are special.

Well obviously, we aren't. We're a nation full of un-special people who turn away from truths that don't fit our agendas. Their is an abundance of "faith" and a total lack of fucking LOGIC.

One quote I've always loved is: "Man has always sacrificed truth to his vanity, comfort and advantage. He lives... by make-believe. ~W. Somerset Maugham, The Summing Up, 1938.

Basic interpretation: people have their heads up their asses and live in a constant state of denial to get by in life.

Subconsciously, can't we all see how true that is?

Don't we ALL have people in our lives hiding from truths and opting to "hope and have faith" instead of getting REAL?

I lose count of how many women I know who became mothers simply because they "hoped" it would turn out well. I'm talking about women who never outwardly enjoyed children but had faith the old adage "it's different when their your own", was true.

They learned that yes, it IS different when the children are your own. The difference being, you can't give them back when you're sick of them and all of your time, money, and freedom is now GONE!

Pretty damn different huh!

And I what I learned from that is, well I don't enjoy taking care of other's people's kids so consequently, I have no FAITH I would enjoy taking care of my own!

I have become so aware of my own flaws and shortcomings in the past few years, it's scary. So much so that I can't look at other people's lives and have faith that I'd overcome what they couldn't, or that I am somehow "too special" to make those same mistakes.

I can't look at every woman I know, who like me, is not proficient in anything "maternal" and think "but I'm sure I'd be different!"

I cannot look at bratty ass kids in the store and say to myself "I have faith my kids won't be like that!", and force myself to hope and believe that is true.

I can't look at every unhappily married woman I've ever known and say to myself "marriage will be different for me, I have FAITH!".

No....I think I am fully actualized in my own un-remarkability. I realize that my experience doing those things is not likely to be vastly different from the average person's experience. After all, the human experience is one of commonality. Most of our trials and tribulations (at least on a mental level) are universal, especially when we make similar life choices. I find it odd that so many people are operating on some level of willful blindness about these things, and would rather base life altering decisions on faith and "hope" their way through life.

Does anyone else think this is one of the big "disconnects" between us and them?

The Truth Must REALLY Hurt!

2009-07-27T20:33:00.009-07:00

Has anyone else wondered where the "True Dad Confessions" website went?

You know...the site where all of them men went to talk about their wives loose vaginas, how sucktastic parenthood is, how traumatized they are after seeing their wives give birth, etc.

What happened to that site???

True Mom Confessions is still up, but the Dad confessions have vanished completely!

The non-cynical side of me wants to believe that since these sites were originated by women, they possibly decided to re-focus their confession oriented websites toward their intended target audience- women.

The cynical side of me (which admittedly is larger than the non-cynical side), thinks the Dad confessions brought unwelcome truths into the lives of mothers and the site was taken down either as a punishment for what the men were posting or as a way to assuage the stress of moms who frequented the site.

I mean, as a CF person who observes mothers and has read my fare share of mommy crap on the internet, I realize that denial and avoidance is a HUGE part of life for many mothers. Denying that you might hate your kids and parenthood...denying that your husband liked you better before you had rugrats...denying you wouldn't go back and make different choices...avoiding and denying the fact that you probably were better off before you had a kid...etc..

Lots of denial and avoidance in mommyhood from what I see.

So they've accumulated all these things to deny and avoid and some bunch of bitter, yet truthful men come along and ruin everything with their damned confessions!

I mean, it's probably really hard to tell yourself and other women that "your vagina goes right back to normal after birth, I SWEAR!!" and then read a bunch of men (who've actually BEEN INSIDE A VAGINA AFTER BIRTH) say otherwise.

It's probably also hard to admit to yourself that letting your man witness your baby being expelled from your vag might not have been a "bonding experience" at all, but more like a traumatizing one which has rendered him with a bad case of erectile dysfunction.

These are harsh realizations and I just bet that seeing them in print from men who could have very well been their mates, caused the untimely demise of the True Dad Confessions.

What say you guys?

Thoughtless Elderly Breeder Dies...

2009-07-15T10:56:00.005-07:00

Do any of you recall the woman who gave birth to twins AT AGE 66, via in vitro?

Well, less than three years later, she's dead and her two-year-old twins are orphans.

This is a woman who:

*Lied to the fertility clinic about her age

*Used the fancy logic that since her mother lived to see 101, she might have a snowball's chance in hell of doing the same

*Sold her house to raise $59,000 to pay for the in vitro fertilization

*Advocated for women to "become a mother at the right time for them"

UGH. If "the right time for them" is 66 years old, they're an asshole and no child deserves that as a parent.

That's the thing about parenthood. The timing and conditions should be right for the prospective CHILD also. Not just the parent!

Imagine how much this woman planned this decision. She sold her fucking house for chrissakes. It baffles me that all of this thought went into how she could fulfill HER DESIRE, while seemingly little went into the welfare of her potential offspring. Forget that as humans, we are designed to deteriorate in every way imaginable once we advance into old age. She simply figured, "well my mother lived to see 100, maybe I can too" and that appeared to be the end of her thought process.

Yet another case of children having to suffer consequences of the horrid decisions made by their selfish, breeder parents.

Selfishness is a funny thing...when it relates to someone without kids, I could give a flying fuck.

When it relates to people bringing offspring into the world under circumstances like this, I am disgusted beyond belief.

It pissed me off when this was going down a few years ago and people were saying "well you can't PLAN for everything in life", in defense of this woman's self-centered decision.

That is truly breeder thinking right there.

OF COURSE you can't "plan" for everything. But you can use LOGIC instead of "winging it", which is what so many assholes in the world seem to advocate. Have a baby when you feel like it and just HOPE things work out. We hear that a lot don't we? Sure, that may be great FOR YOU, but what about your children? What will they have to endure as a result of you "chasing your desire"? Do you care?

It appears for this lady and the millions of other people who breed with only THEMSELVES in mind, the answer is no.

Baby Shower Shopping- The Fuck Was I Thinking?

2009-07-02T13:14:00.014-07:00

A few months ago, I wrote about how my very best friend in the universe is with child. Actually, I wrote about it twice.

Well, I figured I'd post a follow up since her baby shower was a few weeks ago and reality REALLY sunk in for me that yikes, this baby is coming in 3 months.

First, let me discuss the shower.

Like most CF people, I LOATHE FUCKING BABY SHOWERS.

I usually only go to baby showers for the free cake. There's never any alcohol and the rest of what goes on at these things is a deplorable exercise in stupidity.

I mean just the idea of a "baby shower" is annoying to me...this is a widely celebrated custom in American society and that puzzles me.

Have sex, get pregnant, and get a party thrown for you with tons of complementary gifts as a congratulations!

Ummm...do you know how much sex I've had in my lifetime? A whole helluva lot. And none of it has ever resulted in me getting pregnant. Is that not sort of remarkable? WHERE IS MY PARTY? Why don't I get a congratulatory celebration?

What kind of paganism is this country founded on for fuck's sake?

Anyway, back to my hatred of baby showers...the biggest insult to my sensibilities?

The fucking stupid ass baby shower games.

Such as:

*Guess the pregnant lady's belly size by cutting up pieces of string and seeing which is the best fit for her "circumference". The winner who comes closest gets a prize OMG! EXCITING!

Laaaaame!

*Smashing up candy bars in diapers (to look like baby feces, awww how charming!!!), and then using sight and smell to try and guess WHICH candy bar is in which diaper. Pseudo shit mashed up in diapers = OODLES OF FUN!

*Pin the baby on the pregnant woman...sort of like pin the tail on the donkey but done with paper babies. Everyone is blindfolded and the person who puts the baby closest to the knocked up chick's stomach WINS!

Ughhhhh.

Get the hell out of here with this dumb shit.

So, suffice it to say I was incredibly relieved when BFF told me we would not be engaging in any of this fuckery at her shower. We were going to eat good food, socialize with friends, have cake, open her gifts and then roll the fuck out.

I could even consume liquor!

Since BFF was flying out from Cali, where she now lives, she asked that her guests only gift her with baby clothing and gift cards, since these things could be easily transported on the plane.

Now, I think she expected that I'd just get her a gift card and call it a day. After all, I am far from a "kid person" (hello...UNDERSTATEMENT) and the thought of me actually shopping for baby shit was not something that ever crossed her mind.

Well, for some reason that made me want to defy her expectations and go buy baby clothes.

As you can guess, it was sort of a debacle. I was totally clueless and out of my element.

My primary concern? WHY is this crap is so expensive? It's clothes for a baby. They grow out of this shit in two weeks, why does it cost so fucking much?

What a ripoff.

*sidenote* After I discovered how expensive baby clothes are, I told BFF that once the kid is born, she should just keep it diapered and wrapped in blankets and beach towels. That will save a fuckton of cash. Forget buying loads and loads of expensive, cutesy outfits that are not going to fit the kid 6 days from the day it was purchased. Where does this baby need to be every day? It's not like it has school or a job to go to! It's not going to have to keep up appearances or anything! So why does it need a bunch of outfits? Diaper it's ass, throw some socks on it's feet, wrap it in a blanket and handle your business!

BFF laughed me off and while she didn't exactly thank me for this advice, I figure she'll be grateful I gave her this idea in a few months and simply concluded my stellar advice with a charitable "and you're welcome."

As I further flipped through the racks of overly tiny, overly cutesy baby clothes at Target, I grew more and more frustrated with the stupid fucking code language they label this shit with.

For instance, certain clothes had a "PR" label...

"What the fuck is PR???", I asked myself out loud.

Puerto Rico?

Public Relations?

Punk Rock?

Then there was the baby shit labeled "NB".

Um....

New Balance?

Not Big?

Nagging Baby?

UGH! I am used to reading tags that say S, M, L, XL, etc.!

My brain does not compute any of this. Am I an airhead or is this whole process just stupid?

Possibly both?

Apparently, my befuddlement was showing because a Target sales girl came over to me asking if I needed help.

I wonder what gave her that idea! Could it have been me saying "Goddamn it all to hell!", semi-loudly while drowning in a sea of baby clothes?

Anyhow, she kindly took the time to educate me that "PR" stands for "Preemie" and "NB" stands for "Newborn".

Well, slap me with a big fat fucktard sign.

God I suck at this baby shopping shit. Note to self- NEVER DO IT AGAIN. Next time, get a gift card and quit trying to prove yourself.

I then asked her to show me where the "oneso's" were, totally forgetting the term is "onesie".

TB (Target Bitch), laughed hysterically as if I was intentionally making a joke.

Could I BE a bigger douchebag right now?

I think not.

Will I be baby shopping ever again in this lifetime?

You can bet your ass the answer is hell goddamn no.

You'll NEVER Regret Having Kids!

2009-06-01T18:58:00.008-07:00

I usually don't comment on Mommy Blogs but after reading this article and the comments over at BabyCenter, I had to respond to a piece of parenting propaganda.

As you all know, I have written extensively about women who HATE motherhood. It's a new phenomenon to hear the hate stories thanks to the glorious interwebs.

Anyway, an inquisitive fence sitter, Megan, decided to posted a comment making her uncertainty about starting a family known. She partly states: "I am a little reluctant to have kids because the number of hardships and sacrifices I hear about seem to outweigh the joys and rewards."

Of course this sentiment alarms any breeder dedicated to promoting mommyhood and the facade that having kids is ALWAYS WORTH IT!!!!

So, another commenter, Lena decided to assuage all of Megan's (rightful and reasonable) fears about parenthood and replace them with new ones! She assured Megan that she will NEVER regret having kids. She'll only regret NOT having them!!!!

That ought to scare a fetus right into her empty uterus!

Isn't that rich.

She knows absolutely nothing about this woman's lifestyle, marriage, maternal instincts, NOTHING. How in the sam hell does SHE know that this woman isn't going to regret spawning? How can she all but GUARANTEE someone they will regret not having kids?

The audacity!

That's one thing I despise. Giving blanket advice to procreate when it may not really be in a person's best interest. The exaltation of parenthood as being the MOST meaningful act in life- one that is above reproach and regret really bothers the fuck out of me. IT'S FUCKING PROPAGANDA AND BULLSHITTERY.

Stop lying to people about shit this irreversible and serious breeders!

Ugh!

Anyway I tried to bring Megan back down to reality with this comment:

"I actually think it’s really disingenuous to tell Megan that she will "never regret having children" when according to a lot of mothers who seek solace in the anonymity of True Mom Confessions, their own personal blogs, and the internet in general, that is not always the case.

Plenty of women have expressed regret and remorse over being parents and unfortunately it’s not something they can go back and change now that they have the proper insight.

Megan, I would only say that it’s much more comforting to regret NOT having a child than regret having one and being stuck in the parent role for the next 20+ years and have it negatively affect every other area of your life. Socially, financially, emotionally, professionally, maritally, and in EVERY other way imaginable."

The difference between my comment and Lena's comment? One of us is dealing in plausible reality and one of us is dealing in assumptions, false assertions, and wishful thinking in order to convince someone to make a life-altering decision that may not be in their own self-interest.

Childfree Women- NOT TO BE TRUSTED!

2009-05-27T18:04:00.002-07:00

One of my readers, Vanessa, has brought this recent article in the Daily Mail to my attention and I wanted to share it with all of you.

Entitled, "Why bosses are right to distrust women who don't want children... by a VERY outspoken mother (and ex-boss)" this shitty piece is sure to get a few of you going!

Personally, I couldn't help but giggle at it. Childfree women are some of the best, most dedicated co-workers I've ever had, I don't know what this dickass is talking about.

The author however, thinks voluntarily childless women are "weird".

Yes, how WEIRD we childfree women are. We must be a truly unenlightened bunch not to want to deal with all of the possibilities children bring!

And there are so many possibilities...

You know, things like...Sleep deprivation, sick days, homework, snow days, learning disabilities, constant cleaning up after others, hundreds to thousands of dollars in childcare costs, Dora, The Wiggles, Bobpants, and other craptacular television shows, play dates, chauffeuring them to doctors appointments, school, extra-curricular activities and lessons, the lack of privacy, having to speak in code and spell out words instead of fucking saying them out loud, being quiet as a church mouse during sex, stashing the porn and sex toys in secret places and praying they won't stumble upon them, protecting a child's "innocence" from the realities of LIFE, amusement parks and Chuck E. Cheese outings, teacher-parent meetings, report cards, homework, tedious school projects, disobedience, arguments, Drivers Ed, time outs, car seats, crying, snotty noses, poops and potties, puke, every other bodily fluid under the sun, ADD, autism, behavioral problems, medical problems, teen pregnancy, trust issues, uneven parental responsibilities, groundings, punishments, the possibility of raising a child who grows up to disappoint and shame you...

Ugh, yes...only a WEIRD person would shun all of these amazing possibilities!

Employers are so right to distrust us childfree women. After all, we're disobedient...defiant even! We won't allow ourselves to be thrust into a role we deem undesirable. We've weighed the pros and cons of child rearing heavily and have decided to rebelliously go our own way rather than follow the ways of the majority.

That definitely makes us a scary, sinister bunch!

*Snicker*

It's Fucking Nursery School For Chrissakes!

2009-05-23T23:06:00.011-07:00

Dear Gawd Almighty, I just saw the most ridiculous documentary in the history of the entire world.

It's called Nursery University and is currently airing on Showtime (it's also available on Netflix).

Set in Manhattan, we're introduced to the world of privileged, status-obsessed breeders desperately angling to get their children into the elite nursery school of their dreams.

Honestly 90% of the parents in the film are insufferable, oblivious, entitled breeders who think if their snotlings don't get into "Over-rated, Over-Priced Preschool School For The Haughty & Pretentious", their three-year-old is doomed to a life of mediocrity.

I won't go into a detailed account of the horrors I witnessed but here are a few highlights:

*One preschool charges a whopping $20,000 in tuition. Twenty thousand dollars for one year or school for a goddamn 3-year-old. What the shit?

*In order to prepare for the "grueling" application and screening process, many of these parents opt to hire a "Preschool Admissions Consultant" to help them "navigate the process". The fee charged by said admissions consultant? $4,000.

*Parents are seen CRYING at the prospect of not getting their child into the school of their choice, applying to a range of schools based on desire along with "safety schools" that they feel will be the easiest to get into, and visiting schools in person to deliver "first choice letters of intent". WHAT?? THIS IS PRESCHOOL NOT PRINCETON!

*The very day after Labor Day is when you're to begin "outreach", which entails calling every school of your choice to request an application. Let me tell you, the phones at these places were constantly busy, with parents calling 20-30 times in a row just to get through. Jesus Christ on a pogo stick.

I am positively dumbfounded at how petty and desperate these people are. This is two and three-year-olds who are going to be playing with blocks all fucking day long. Why the fuck would you waste $20k on this? We are in a recession bastards!

I'd really like to know what these people have planned for college. Gawd forbid their financial situation turns precarious in the next 15 years. What happens when another Bernie Madoff comes and rips everyone off? Methinks these assclowns will cringe to look back and see they flushed twenty grand down the toilet for preschool (which consisted of cookies, nap times, and coloring) and now have no money to pay for little "Juliana's" college education.

Here Ya Go!

2009-04-28T20:20:00.008-07:00

Regarding the last post-I guess I figured more people had the link to my personal blog before I took it down so anon assbags couldn't invite themselves there and harass with dumb comments the way they often do here. But since I got a few emails about it, I figured I'd better just post about the horrendous "Bring your kid to work day" debacle here. My apologies for the loyal, not-shitty, non-asshat readers feeling left out!

Oh my fuck, I cannot even tell you how fucking agitated I am after this hellacious day.

Today was "Bring your ~~bratty crotch nugget~~ child to work day" and the fuckery was at an all time high ALL FUCKING DAY.

First of all, we all have laptops and are generally allowed to work from home whenever we damn well please UNLESS we have conference calls or meetings scheduled.

My childfree coworker/good friend and I have been planning to work remotely since the day we heard this shit was going down. For almost a month, we have been planning to work from home to avoid the snot monsters!

But OF COURSE, at the last goddamn minute yesterday afternoon our boss decided to schedule a meeting for today and attendance was mandatory.

*Sigh*

Fast forward to this morning, I get to work and the place is positively crawling with children.

LITTLE CHILDREN!

Wait a damn minute here...when I went to work with my mom back in the day, I was 12 or 13 and ALL of the other kids were at least 10-years old. So what am I doing looking at a bunch of 5-year-olds at my place of business?

When I was a kid, the point of this day was to come to work with your parents to see what they do for a living and get a grasp of what working is like.

It wasn't for kindergarteners who have no concept of work and can't speak in low tones!

Ugh.

Anyway, one of the first little munchkins I see has on a big, red, plastic fireman's hat complete with a phony fire hose as an accessory.

What the fuck? a) We don't work at a fire station and b) Isn't Halloween in October?

Children...utterly foolish and lacking in all reason.

Immediately my suspicion that parents allow their children to dress in stupidly ridiculous costumes to pacify them and prevent tantrums is confirmed.

I shake my head in disbelief and make my way to the kitchen to have my daily breakfast of toast and yogurt (company provides us with free food every day wooo hooo).

In the break room are children UNATTENDED, pressing all of the buttons on the soda machines (which are also free), stocking up on caffeine.

Just what these heathens need.

Fuck.

The next several hours went something like this:

9:00- The not-so-faint sounds of children laughing and using aggressively loud non-indoor voices fills the air.

9:15- Emailing BFF to tell her of the hell I am in and having her laugh at my misfortune while she enjoys a quiet, serene, childless office in San Fran.

9:20- Snotlings running past the aisles after one another as if this is a goddamn gymnasium.

9:30- Emailing my mom to tell her of the hell I'm in as children loudly giggle and presumably taunt me for being a helpless pawn in their scheme for workplace domination.

(Mom responds back that she would never have taken me or little brother to work before we were old enough to shut the hell up and sit still and these people clearly have no common sense bringing in 5-8 year-old kids).

10:00- The sound of toy gun shots fills the air but unfortunately no children are seriously injured.

10:20- Boss calls our meeting and tries to stay focused despite the fact that kids are now wheeling each other in office chairs past our desks.

10:45- Childfree coworker excuses herself from the meeting to go yell at the kids who are now wheeling each other across the TILED floors in our hallway making FUCKTONS OF FUCKING NOISE!

(I am glad she was the one to reprimand them so I didn't have to be "ANGRY BLACK LADY BEING MEAN TO HARMLESS & INNOCENT WHITE CHILDREN" -P.S. I am the only Black woman who works in our entire building).

11:10- More harrowing emails to Mom and BFF regarding this nightmare that feels as if it will never end.

11:20- Kids are FINALLY taken outside to engage in "activities" (which unfortunately don't include burning to a crisp in the 100 degree Arizona sun).

12:30- Childfree coworker and myself make the 6 minute drive to my place to consume massive amounts of Riesling white wine in an attempt to drink the pain away.

1:50- Back at work, children are still outside doing activities! I don't think we've seen the last of those fuckers though.

3:30- I was right, they're baaaack. More running, giggling, unruly behavior. I have my headphones on full blast and can still hear them. I obviously need better headphones.

3:40- Co-worker reports she overheard a shit-tastic mother in the break room claiming she is "numb" to her children being loud and mis-behaving. HOW NICE FOR YOU TO BE NUMB AND COMPLACENT WHILE THE REST OF US SUFFER AT THE HANDS OF YOUR MERCILESS LITTLE DOUCHEBAGS! (more on this later).

4:00- Childfree female co-worker, childfree male co-worker, and myself get together and wonder aloud if we can round all the children up, sneak them into a conference room and destroy their innocence by telling them the "Tooth Fairy", "The Easter Bunny" and "Santa" is all a bunch of bullshit and there are indeed monsters under their beds waiting to kill and eat them when they least expect it.

4:05- Boss thinks it's a great idea and says he wants in on it.

4:10- I realize none of these fuckers were serious but me.

4:20- I can no longer deal with the kids rolling by on office chairs, laughing loudly, playing hide and go ~~be a shithead~~ seek, asking to go watch Bobpants or whatever that fucking show is, and just the general asshattery that these children continue to practice so I pack up my laptop and LEAVE.

My nerves were on fire the whole motherfucking day! UGH! And now I'm home and I realize, fuck, we drank all the wine at lunch!

I am truly pissed off right now and I will tell you why. Not because I am a childless bitch that pretty much hates children (um well ok that's partly why), but because all of my suffering for the day can be attributed to shitty ass piece of shit parents allowing their kids to wreak fucking havoc and run amok all goddamn day.

The fact that one mother claimed to be "numb" to her bad ass kids is infuriating to me. Lazy, apathetic parents are INFURIATING to me.

This is what's wrong with the world. People have kids for the fuck of it and are then too lazy to actively reprimand and discipline their children. After all, it takes WORK and EFFORT. LOTS OF WORK AND EFFORT! And boo friggity hoo, they don't have the energy to tell their kids how to behave OVER AND OVER AND OVER which is what it fucking takes to be an effective parent.

Well you know what, I don't have the goddamn energy either which is why I don't have fucking kids. TA-DA! See how easy that is?

To have children and allow them to inflict terror upon the rest of us because you are "numb" to their assholey-ness is selfish and fucked up.

And why are you bringing these little hellions to the office if you aren't gonna watch them? You allow them to roam your place of business unsupervised? You are unaware and ignorant to the fact that they are cruising around in office chairs and disturbing meetings? Seriously????

That's the apathetic parent for ya. As long as the kids are out of THEIR sight and our of THEIR hair, THEY COULD GIVE A SHIT. THIS is why I'm not down with O.P.K (other people's kids). Arrrgggghhhh!

I'm done.

I hate everyone.

I'm going to go work out since I'm out of liquor.

By the way, did anyone else get terrorized by O.P.K today or was it just me?

I Had To Work on Snotling Day...I Am Scarred Emotionally

2009-04-23T18:36:00.003-07:00

I decided to write about this on my personal blog today and most of the people I know and love who read here regularly already have that URL so feel free to go read up on my harrowing "bring your shitty kid to work day" experience there.

If I know and love you and you DON'T have the URL, you can definitely email me.

Happily Married With Kids...Who Do YOU Know?

2009-04-13T12:30:00.005-07:00

I wanted to post today to get some observations from my CF readers about the people in their lives that are married and have children.

As I have stated before, one of the biggest deterrents for me, with regard to having children is the fact that most of the people I know with kids seem unhappier and more worse for wear after parenthood. Worse for wear financially, mentally, energy-wise, etc. In addition to that, I know hardly any fathers that genuinely do their fair share in the home or with their children. Parenthood is generally not an equal endeavor for men and women which is another reason I find it unattractive.

I found myself thinking of one of my girlfriends back East who has been HAPPILY married for 10 years and has two young children whom she adores.

Even as a CF person, I will fully admit that having known her before marriage and children, she is positively a happier, more fulfilled person after getting married and becoming a mother. She was a sweet, cheerful, warm person before, but she is definitely happier as a wife and mother. I CAN'T SAY THIS ABOUT ANYONE ELSE! Isn't that sad?

Maybe it helps that she and her husband have about a half a million dollars in income, were over 30 and successful career people BEFORE they had children, and are very mature, responsible people who put most of their effort into each other and their kids. They were married for a few years and traveled extensively before having kids and had a plan on WHEN they would bring children into their lives. It wasn't a willy nilly, "happy accident" type of deal.

Her husband - get ready for this - takes on an EQUAL role in the upkeep of their home and the raising of their children. And I don't mean equal as in, he does 30% (which is what so many men would probably deem to be "equal"), I mean a solid 50% of all of the housework and child-rearing. Unlike most of the women I know with kids, she is NOT the primary care-taker of her children. Her hubby is reliable and happy to do as much as she does with regard to their kids and this, I believe, is the reason she is so fulfilled in her wife/mother role.

Honestly, they have it together more than any two married, childed people I know. Their children (ages 7 and 8) are intelligent, compassionate, well-behaved, and not at all unpleasant to be around if you're a CF person with a low tolerance for kids (like myself). As a family, plain and simple, they are a pleasure to engage with and I can say this about almost no one else.

Now obviously, this is me looking at their life and marriage from the outside in, but still out of everyone I know and observe, they are THE EXCEPTION and not the rule when it comes to happily married couples who seem to be truly fulfilled as parents.

I really would like to gauge the observations of my readers…how many people, who are married with kids, do you know who maintain a lifestyle similar to this who seem genuinely equal and happy as parents and spouses? Where the parents are EQUAL in their roles and no one is disgruntled about inequalities in the relationship (because from what I read, this is the main reason two thirds of the divorces in this country are filed by women), and their children are not bratty little assholes who complicate their lives and relationship.

Happily married with kids...who do you know???

Crotch Fruit In The Workplace Day

2009-04-01T12:21:00.003-07:00

As some of you may know, I started a new job 4 months ago and I love it. The pay is superb, we set our own hours, our break room is always stocked with free food and stuff, and the environment is incredibly liberal…it's fucking great!

Well...we just got an email announcing that April 24th is "Bring Your Kids To Work Day" and employees are encouraged to let their little pissants accompany them to the office on that day.

Christ on a bike.

My previous employer (where I worked for 6 years) never allowed this so I don't know what to expect!

And since I don't know what to expect from a workplace crawling with twat nuggets, I have decided that I am working from home that day! Whew thank GAWD for company laptops and remote access!

What I'd like to know is, does anyone else work for a company that participates in this? What is it like to work with a bunch of kids in the building? Is it as horrific as I am imagining it to be? Share your experiences in the comments!

Check Out This Podcast!

2009-03-27T11:04:00.003-07:00

I just wanted to promote one of the best podcasts I've heard on urban radio…the Michael Baisden show.

This podcast is amazing because Michael Baisden keeps it honest with regard to having kids. He affirms the choice to remain childfree and specifically tells women to shun the pressure from men to have babies if they don't want them. He knows how prevalent it is for women to have children simply to please a man and strongly encourages against it.

Maybe this is a cultural thing but I have to be honest. As a Black woman, it is HARD to find Black men who identify with the notion of being permanently childfree. There are plenty of men who already have kids who are cool with not having any more but most of the childless Black men I have dated are not keen on staying that way. Sure, they find it "hot" when they meet a woman with no kids but when the conversation of having children arises, they make it wholly clear that any woman they would be with long-term would HAVE to bear their children. It isn't optional or up for debate. And maybe this is just MY lowly opinion but from my POV, a lot Black men see children as proof of their virility and masculinity, as well as a validation for their ego. Whether they take care of them or not is a whole other issue.

With that said though, Childfreedom is not a popular movement in ANY ethnic community so I'm not just calling Black people out here.

Statistically, no ethnic group has higher levels of childlessness or childfreedom than Caucasians. The most recent census information I could find states "White never-married women have childless levels more than twice as high as Black women. Regardless of marital status, Hispanic women had lower levels of childlessness than non-Hispanic women."

So it's safe to say that childfreedom is not as prevalent among Blacks or Hispanics as it is among Whites. That's why when I hear a Black man encouraging women to remain childfree in a public forum, I get ridiculously excited.

At one point in the show, he takes a call from a woman who says that while she loves her child, if she had it to do over, she would be childfree! Whew if I had a quarter for every time I heard that…

He addresses the double standard of this statement and lets the caller know that it's perfectly OK to feel that way. He also encourages parents not to pressure their daughters to have children. How awesome is that!

Overall, really a great podcast for all sexes and races to listen to.

Listen here.

Octo-Ho and the Seven Fourteen Dwarfs

2009-03-03T21:12:00.005-07:00

Here we go again with Octo-Ho and these damn ninety eleven kids.

I am so sick of this ignorant ass shit. Just when I think the story will go away, I learn something new and so skullfuckingly disturbing that I have to blog about it.

Some jackass over at Radar Online gave this whacked out breeding slut a blog and then two seconds later we discover that the cops and CPS have been to her house repeatedly.

Here's the details on that...

Whittier police Officer Jason Zuhlke says they responded to the home to investigate claims Suleman was "neglecting" her children and to investigate their surroundings.

DCFS ultimately concluded the allegations were without basis, according to Zuhlke.

On August 10, police responded after being notified of an open door, and a possible burglary.

Police say they received more calls concerning Suleman's family at her Sunrise Drive home, the home where the children's grandparents live.

On January 9, 2008, a 911 call was placed from the home after one of Suleman's children was accidentally locked in a bathroom.

On October 27, 2008 Suleman called police when she couldn't find her 5 year old.

The child had followed Suleman's mother, who was going for a walk in the neighborhood.

Then, on January 23, 2009, just days before the octuplets were born, one of the children inadvertently called 911 from the home.

Seriously WHAT THE FUCK.

Oh and according to MSNBC the six little heathens at home are already jealous of their new siblings.

"The video portion of the blog, live as of 9 a.m. ET on March 3, shows Suleman struggling to speak as one of her older six kids bites her, pulls her hair and slaps her in the face. Suleman said her older children are already jealous of the octuplets. When a friend showed the kids a picture of their new siblings, 'they hit the picture,' Suleman said."

Wow this bitch is absurdly stupid. She's pretty much letting the world know that her older children pose a huge safety threat to the infants. And her kids are clearly fucked the fuck up. I can see them beating the hell out of those babies in my mind's eye. If they're unruly and unstable enough to commit violence on a photo, those infants are NOT SAFE.

UNGAWDAMNBELIEVABLE.

You know what else pisses me off? The fact that this lazy hag was sponging off disability for a back injury that didn't even leave her disabled enough not to get pregnant 63 times. Healthy enough to carry a hundred babies means you can get a goddamn job in my book!

My 48-year-old father, who did HARD labor at a job for 24 years AND coached HS basketball for 15 years needs a new hip (he had one replaced last year and now needs the other one done) and has been denied for disability repeatedly for the past 3 fucking years. My poor, sweet, hard-working, dad with the mismatched hips has been told by disability that he is "young enough to get a job with one good hip" while this bitch careens through life getting paid and pregnant over and over for being hit in the back?!

UGH!

Seriously that is so insulting to me. Really it's insulting to my dad and anyone else genuinely, seriously disabled who needs an income or an operation covered who can't get the fucking time of day from the disability system.

This bitch represents everything wrong in the whole damn universe doesn't she?!?!

I really think I despise her and there aren't many people I've never met that I despise...let's see...Tyra Banks for being a self-righteous judgy, prudish asshole on her stupid TV shows...Eddie Murphy for being a sorry deadbeat daddy assed motherfucker...Brangelina for being pontificating, smug, attention whoring, jerks...Gwyneth Paltrow for being a pretentious, entitled, snobbish windbag who says stupid shit like "my life is good because I'm not passive about it" and "I'm so hugely fortunate to be super fortunate!!!" BITCH SHUT UP PLEASE AND THANK YOU.....Chris Brown's punk ass for jet skiing and sporting a big baloney grin at Diddy's house and pretending like he didn't just beat a woman down 6 days ago....Michael Vick for being a vicious dog murderer...hmmm that's all I can think off at the moment.

I think I honestly just hate people. Ugh.

Pass me a kitten or a bunny rabbit or something and keep crazy ass fucked up people away from me.

Do my rants annoy anyone? Cause they're fun to write sorry.

Aftermath of Baby On Board

2009-02-28T17:10:00.005-07:00

I just wanted to give an update on the whole BFF pregnancy situation. Thanks to anyone who left a comment being supportive and understanding. Since CF peeps are in the minority in a world where everyone around us pops out babies, I knew some of you would relate to what I'm experiencing. Granted some of you posted some horror stories but thankfully, my BFF isn't the same type of trainwreck that many of you have suffered. She's got obstacles but she's not a fucked up jerk like some of the people you guys posted about...and MUCH to my relief! Whew.

Anyway, after reading some of the comments a few days ago, I felt in a much better place to be honest with her about my hopes for her life and our friendship. I felt so much dread and certainty that we could never be as close as we once were but I don't actually think that is *inevitable* now that we've talked about it.

When we spoke, I told her that more than anything, I WANT her to be happy and stable. I told her in the most sensitive way possible that I worry about what her life will be like when this baby comes. Yes, her and her fiancee have enough money to support it but I worry about her being alone so much, and about her new mother status and my CF status clashing.

In return, she told me that she worries too. She has always wanted to be a mother and is hopeful about the future but she worries about the unknowns of child rearing. She also told me that I am always foremost in her thoughts because I am the person closest to her and she doesn't want to lose my friendship...she also said that she wants me to be myself during the pregnancy and after the arrival of the baby because that is why she loves me.

A direct quote from her lips to this blog: "You aren't being YOU if you're not cussing about or at a baby so please don't change! I need you to be YOU during this whole thing."

Gawd I breathed a sigh of relief.

One thing I should convey about BFF and I is that we are fucking hilarious together. Yeah I'm tooting both of our horns. Honestly, we always say we should have a radio show or something, because our humor is one of the best things about our friendship. I have to tell you, after this most recent conversation I felt so good to hear her say that she wants me to remain my militantly childfree self and that I am within my rights to cuss her baby out when necessary.

And yes I did offer to cuss the baby out in the event it behaves like an asshole when it's here...which IT WILL! Ugh, all babies act like dicks at some point in time. So I told her "Look, if that baby is crying and won't let you get a moment of peace, you can call me up and I'll be all like 'PUT THE GODDAMN BABY ON THE PHONE' and proceed to cuss it out for you."

Cause that's what friends are for and shit.

She knows that there will be times I will refer to her baby as a crotch nugget and engage in other such funny name calling baby insults. She knows that I will not offer to keep the munchkin for a weekend. She won't expect that of me and says she wouldn't dream of asking.

I've also told her that I expect a few things from her during all this. Yes I understand motherhood will probably be all-encompassing but I want US to still be US and to talk the way we've always talked. I expect her not to talk to me for hours on end about diaper genies and onesies and dumb shit. I expect her not to drone on endlessly about how the sun rises and sets on this baby's shit smeared ass. I expect her to still have traces of the girl I fell in BFF love with when this baby enters the picture.

Hmph, guess what she said...she PROMISES not to talk that way. She vows to not piss me off with mommy banter.

It felt GOOD to tell her that without being a total asshole about it. You see, I don't think you have to be a complete fuckstick to people you love and care for when they make a choice YOU wouldn't make. Negativity and gloom and doom is for the casual people in life you don't give a shit about, not for the ones you treasure.

Yes, I'm still apprehensive about the times of misery that inevitable lie ahead for her. The growing pains of motherhood. I hope I'm able to be what she needs because seriously, she has come to my rescue more times than I can count and she deserves the same from me. Our friendship is the deepest I have ever experienced...we send each other flowers and cards, we say I love you, we refer to one another as "my heterosexual life partner", we cry when the other is sad and anguished...we are pretty much like two dykes without the sex.

Bottom line, there is a ridiculous amount of love here and neither one of us is at this time, willing to throw it away because of a difference in reproductive choice.

So for now, our friendship endures. She wants me to always be who I am and I want her to always be who she is now and WAS before baby came busting into our lives. Will we manage? Time will tell I guess. The good thing is, we're both conscious of our hopes and expectations for one another and we're committed to doing what needs to be done to stay best friends.

That's the first step...right?

Sad News: Baby On Board

2009-02-24T16:10:00.002-07:00

Remember this post?

Well I should have seen the writing on the wall because soon after that post, BFF quit her birth control because her gyno sent her into a panic by telling her that it may take a longer for her to conceive once she's "ready for a baby" since she's been on the pill for 10 years. And this obstacle is in addition the previous one her doctor informed her of...her status as a type 1 diabetic.

Can I just say, I hate fucking doctors? I really do.

Anyway, three weeks ago, BFF told me she's pregnant.

She told me via BlackBerry messenger and thank goodness we weren't on the phone because then she would have heard me burst into tears!

And NOT tears of joy.

Yeah I present myself as a hardass most of the time but I am a crier at heart...good news, bad news, usually it all makes me weep.

This piece of news of course, to me, is bad. But she, is thrilled. She's always wanted children.

So here we go. A new baby. What of our treasured friendship? Everything in her life is going to change, what is going to become of us?

I spent the entire day upset once she broke this news to me. I faked it sufficiently while chatting with her though. Isn't that my job as a friend? To try and share her joy, no matter how much it scares me?

Here she is, a thousand miles away from all family, friends, and support. She has been SO unhappy during the entire time she has lived in California.

My suspicion? This will NOT help!

She however said to me "maybe this is what's going to make me happy!"

More tears on my part after hearing that. It just sounds illogical. Unhappy life...add baby and everything will be better! Guys, I so want that to be true but I just don't think it will be. The stress of taking care of a baby, practically alone, while fiancee (yes they're now engaged) works hours upon hours every day, even on weekends? This will equal happiness???

To have watched her be so miserable and lost for all these months, it makes me so profoundly sad to imagine the negative impact this baby will have.

After a day had passed from receiving this news, I did what I felt I should do. I sent her a huge bouquet of flowers telling her congratulations on the baby and I am here for her always. I meant it. The last part. I will be here but I'm no more ready for this than she is. I do not know HOW to support her in the event this turns out to be a colossal mistake.

I do not feel equipped to talk her down if and when the stress of this baby takes it's toll. As far as I'm concerned, it's a life sentence in hell. How, with this outlook and attitude, do I properly support her through those times?

How do I watch her endure the many miserable moments that make up motherhood and stay positive and uplifting?

Sure, it's all hypothetical right? She may not have any of that. It might all be perfect and turn out to be everything she's ever hoped for.

But selfish as it may be, I know that our friendship isn't going to be the same. My place in her life won't be the same. We won't relate to one another the way we once did. Maybe she'll even resent me for being childfree one day.

I have all of these fears...all of these and MORE believe it or not. I feel sad and incredibly guilty and I have been carrying this guilt for weeks. Imagining her miserable and then feeling guilty because does that mean I'm WISHING misery upon her with the arrival of this baby? It feels disgusting to even type that. She is so important and special to me and I wouldn't wish misery upon her in a million fucking years. I want her to be endlessly, insanely happy. I just have deep doubts that this child will bring that.

I feel so shitty.

Oh Good Heavens

2009-02-13T22:42:00.002-07:00

Wow. Art imitates life huh.

Adding Icing To The Shit Cake...

2009-02-12T18:57:00.004-07:00

So this is going to be a quick post because I am moving on Saturday and still have a lot of stuff to pack and organize!

I thoroughly enjoyed every last one of the comments on the last two posts...they ranged from funny to insightful to full of rage! Fucking awesome. Every day this story is out, more dirt emerges from the woodworks. It's truly ridiculous.

Can you guys believe this bitch is asking for donations? I would sooner line my cat's litter box with all the money I own and let them piss and defecate all over it before I donated a goddamn thing to this fucktarded loon.

Anyway I try to refrain from posting sickening photos on this website so I'll simply provide a link on this one. For those of you who haven't seen the pics of Octo-moo knocked up with her 8 twatlings, here ya fucking go.

Don't say I didn't warn you as to the grotesque, ghastly nature of this shit.

And, Here Comes The Publicity Machine!

2009-02-01T19:28:00.003-07:00

I'm sure no one saw this coming! Octo-moo is going on a media blitz.

Who woulda thunk it? Treat your uterus like a drop house stuffed to capacity with illegals and of course this is the next natural step.

"Obsessed with Children"

2009-01-31T19:48:00.003-07:00

Because people have requested I write about this, I will accept the challenge!

The bitch who had octuplets is batshit fucking crazy.

Her mother claims she is obsessed with children.

How can you not love it. Someone obsessed with children who lives with her parents, and is already a single parent of six kids.

You know what image comes into my mind when I hear that someone is "obsessed with children"? Someone who spends significant amounts of time and money HELPING needy kids. Children's charities, engaging in child outreach at places like "Big Brothers and Sisters", maybe even someone who fosters or adopts children who need loving homes.

Why do I think that way? Because I am someone who has been accused of being "obsessed with animals". I give monthly donations to the ASPCA and The Humane Society, have taken stray animals to the vet more than once in my lifetime, feed any stray cat that ends up on my doorstep, etc. My own two cats are former strays because I am strongly against the buying and selling of animals at pet stores and breeders. Sure I LOVE the new designer breeds of cats that are out now but not enough to bypass a needy one off the street to patronize some animal seller!

OK maybe I am a bit obsessed with animals after going through all that but the point is, someone obsessed with children or animals or any other living thing that needs support is someone who champions a cause and is compelled to do good things for that cause. Not someone whose own self indulgent desires override basic values and compassion.

Someone who pops out 14 kids is not obsessed with children. She's obsessed with procreating and she's obsessed with her own reproductive abilities, but obsessed with children, she is not. If that were the case she'd be doing something about all of the children already in the world who are dying for a mother.

I find her disgusting, I think she's a cunt muffin and I'm sick of people who claim to love children but don't man or woman up to the cause of helping those who are already here. If you LOVE children so much you can have more than 6, why don't you fucking adopt?

This hobag's mom claimed she just wanted to "try for another girl". Um, there are plenty of girls that need adopted you breeding assbag. You can afford to get 8 embryos implanted (FYI for those who don't know- in vitro can cost upwards of $25k) but you can't afford to adopt one little girl?

PLUS, you have 6 fucking kids already anyway and you live with your mom!!! What would compel someone like this to spend thousands on in vitro?

How about getting a place for you and your fifty eleven kids???? BITCH GET YOUR OWN APARTMENT! START WITH THAT!

What kind of fucked up priorities are people having these days?

I can just imagine this twat waffle saying to herself: "I know I already have little Emma, Madison, Jacob, Snotley, Bratley, Pissant, etc, etc, and we don't have our own place, and I'm a single parent, and my dad's in Iraq so it's just my mom helping with the kids, and the kids don't have a father (they are all from a sperm donor) but if only I could have another little girl I'd be happy!!!!!

It simply does not fucking compute.

The Worst Part of Parenthood?

2009-01-27T17:40:00.005-07:00

As a childfree person trying to imagine just how demanding and unpleasant my life would be if I had kids, I often wonder just what the WORST part of being a parent is. Out of everything I find nightmarish and unappealing, what's the absolute worst part?

Here's a list I came up with, feel free to voice your opinion on what would be the worst for you or anything I may have left off and add to it in the comments.

*Losing your figure during pregnancy and struggling to get the pre-pregnancy body back (FEMALE)

*Having less desire for your partner or diminished sex drive after the arrival of a child (MALE and FEMALE)

*Having ruined, dilapidated nether regions (FEMALE)

*Mourning the loss of private time

*The bond between yourself and your partner weakening due to less time available to focus on one another

*The guilt of not wanting to spend the majority of your time doing mundane parental tasks

*The frustration that your child doesn't behave the way you want it to

*The lack of control you have over your schedule and the impossibility of coming and going as you please

*The financial demands that come with having a child

*The expectations of society and others on how you should parent/raise your child

*The lack of childcare resources available not just to allow you to work, but also when you "need a break" or would like to do something social

*The knowledge that your child probably won't be fully independent at 18 and your full parental obligation could drag on much longer

*Keeping up the "I'm amazingly happy as a parent!!!" facade

*Personal disappointment in the kind of person your child is becoming/has become

Thoughts?

Hating Every Minute Of Mommyhood...

2009-01-15T18:27:00.003-07:00

The quotes from this post have been taken from sites across the web. I won't be linking to them for privacy reasons but if you'd like to visit any of them, shoot me an email and I'll provide you with the link.

Where they came from isn't as important as the message they convey. The truths that other woman reveal about the harsh realities motherhood are a gift! This kind of honesty should do more than just "scare" women away from motherhood. Hell I don't care about scaring people, I just want women to THINK and be mentally prepared for what goes with mommyhood. I am so over robotic, thoughtless breeding.

I honestly think that if more people read stuff like this and took more than 5 fucking seconds to fully and thoughtfully THINK about whether parenthood is a worthwhile endeavor for them, more than half wouldn't go through with it. Why? Because it presents an image many people don't expect and haven't fathomed.

Those who expect that parenthood will have lots of shitty, desperately miserable moments, are lot less disillusioned with it once they go through it. I simply don't believe most people go into parenthood expecting it to be as bad as it often is. So you know what, they need to hear it, see it, start feeling it and THEN decide whether it's a good idea for them or not.

Onto the quotes...

"Why is it that we are conned into thinking that motherhood is a blissful, satisfying, and rewarding blessing? I attend a mothers group for young mothers and the other day one of the social workers asked..."Who hates being a mom?" Everyone looked at each other as if they were afraid of the question and that admitting to it is a mortal sin. My hand shot up. After a year of being a mother I can't hate it more. It just prevents me being truly happy. "

"I thought that once I had the baby I would love being a mother and a wife. The truth is I hate it. I couldn't love my child anymore, his smile touches a part of my heart that no one else can, but I don't like being his mother.
It is just a burden I don't want to deal with at this point of my life. The feeding, the changing, the constant neediness, which I know will perpetuate until the day I die. I decided to breastfeed him and still do and regret every day I decided to do this. It has been 14mo since he was born and I still have no ownership of my body. I have tried to ween him, but he become unbearable."

"I have two children, 5 years and 22 months, and god they fight and scream at each other. My 5 year old just doesn't listen to anything we say. Everything revolves around them, the house, the wife, the mother. But what about ME!!! God I agree with one of the comments about people moaning about 30 minute lunch break, what a blooming luxury. We are doing the smiley faces, the sad faces and point charts and nothing seems to bother our 5 year old. She just doesn't listen. Then the media has a nerve to blame the parents, well crap because we are doing everything we can and nothing is working. I honestly don't know what to do! I just don't cope with stress and really wonder why the hell I ever went in for children.

Don't get me wrong I love them to bits and want them to be good kids and not be affected by any of this when they are older. But it does worry me! It's constant negotiating over everything, WHEN will it get better, because I am really unhappy at the moment!"

"I have a 18 month and a 2 month old and i am so depressed, overwhelmed, anxious and upset. and no, its not ppd - its the fact that i know this isn't going to get better until they are school aged. I dont even have enough time to type this because my kids are waking up at this unholy hour of 6:45. This is not what i expected it to be like. they are taking everything out of me."

"I'm a 27 year old mother of two, ages 10 months and 23 months. Most of the time I walk around in a daze, hoping people don't notice the snot wiped on my coat or the bags under my eyes. I feel ancient, decrepit, what's worse is that my husband is successful and interesting. I had ambition once to write and be taken seriously, but now I'm just useless. I have a college degree, but can't even imagine now how I would go about writing an essay, how to engage in a conversation about anything other than poop and teething.

I hate my body and I hate what I've become. I too live far from family and friends as we've relocated for my husband's career. I've no babysitter, no relatives, no one to talk to but my children who can't speak yet. I don't see any way out of this gilded cage of a life. Today, and most days, I hate being a mother... we're treated worse than animals. What will become of us?"

"It's not everyday that I hate being a mother. Just most days. I realize that I did this to myself and I have to "do my time". But this is overwhelming sometimes. I feel so held back, stressed out, irritated and depressed by this whole thing. I am literally counting down the days until she leaves to go to college. 2,800 days. I feel like a person in prison. But I just want my life back. I feel wrong in a way but I really just want to be free."

"Ever since I have my baby, I just felt so regreted of that decision. I love her as a person, but I hate being her mom. I felt like I missed out my life, my freedom. My life was perfect without her. My hubby and I were madly in love and we travel a lot. We still wanted to do so much adventure together, but now we are trapped in this parenting world"

"I also feel sorry for myself and my hubby about losing "us" in this kid world. Before the baby, we have each other, we love and care for each other, we both love traveling and exploring the world. But now, we feel old, indifferent and just bored." I still think the best solution for us is to find another couple who can raise our daugther, while we can still support her either financially, or even babysit her once in a while. I will never get out of this big hole I dug for myself. This is hard and harder that we have no way out but to live with this mistake."

I suffer just reading this stuff, I can't imagine having to live it. Anyone reading this who has the same feelings probably has no business having kids. I know I don't and have no shame in saying so...I am shamelessly childfree and have vowed that this will never be my life. Parenthood is anything but temporary as the last quote so beautifully stated. There is no way out, you have to endure it. It's a long road. My plea is for people to stop being so fucking shortsighted about it, that's all.

Children Make Life Enjoyable...NOT!

2009-01-12T21:02:00.003-07:00

This isn't really "news" because in the years that I've been blogging, I've come across many a "scientific study" that indicates parents are less happy than people without children. The reason I love to write about these studies is because we live in a culture where the fetishization of motherhood seems to reach new and maddening heights each year.

Each time a celebrity mom gives an interview, she must go on and on about how "HAPPY SHE IS TO BE A MOM! And how it's "THE BEST THING SHE'S EVER DONE!" And how "LIFE WAS MEANINGLESS BEFORE I BECAME A MOM!"

And now we have "mommy blogs" infecting the internet with this same drivel and influencing people to make rash decisions based on someone else's exaggerations.

For cynics like myself, it's easy to read these things, roll my eyes, and turn a page. Pretty words about babies don't have an effect on me. In my daily life, I observe people with their kids and I let those observations shape my view of what parenthood is all about.

Out of all the parents I know, who range from being dirt poor to bringing in hundreds of thousands of dollars a year, on average, most don't seem to be floating around on cloud 9. Parenthood hasn't elevated them to the place of ethereal inner peace and calm that I am striving to get to myself. As a matter of fact, most of the parents I know are just like me but more tired, with more responsibilities and less time to tend to them, more time spent cleaning up after people, more time spent trying to teach someone to behave and act a certain way, and with a lot less disposable income and control over their own life.

So no, I don't look at them with envy and say to myself "Wow, all of these parents I know are so happy and at peace. They have completely convinced me that children are the road to fulfillment! I think I'll get pregnant right away!"

Not to say that they all seem miserable either but are most of them insanely happy about having kids to be obligated to for the next two decades? Not from what I see.

So, as far as I'm concerned the more studies that come out and slay this asinine notion that children make you happy, the better.

I shamelessly post this Newsweek article telling us what we should already know...parents report THEMSELVES to be less happy than the childless.

From the article:

"In Daniel Gilbert's 2006 book "Stumbling on Happiness," the Harvard professor of psychology looks at several studies and concludes that marital satisfaction decreases dramatically after the birth of the first child—and increases only when the last child has left home. He also ascertains that parents are happier grocery shopping and even sleeping than spending time with their kids. Other data cited by 2008's "Gross National Happiness" author, Arthur C. Brooks, finds that parents are about 7 percentage points less likely to report being happy than the childless."

Damn, they'd rather be sleeping or in the grocery line! There's a resounding endorsement of parenthood. They might as well just say:"I would rather be out buying Cheerios and Drano than spending time with my little piss nugget of a child."

Sweet.

7 percentage points "un-happier", while not earth shattering, is still noteworthy. I don't believe it's fully accurate though because parents being interviewed by strangers are not likely to be honest about the fact that they aren't happy as parents. There is a stigma and a massive sense of shame in saying that you are unhappy in your role as a parent. So while 7 percent proves a point, it's probably higher. As one mom in the article stated, "If you admit that kids and parenthood aren't making you happy, it's basically blasphemy,"

Sad but true. The culture of silence surrounding parenthood is wildly disturbing to me. And it's not just silence that deceives us. If only! It's outright dishonesty. People will LIE about how great parenthood is before they will cop to the fact that it's anything but a blissful endeavor.

From Florida State University's Robin Simon, a sociology professor who's conducted several recent parenting studies:

"Parents experience lower levels of emotional well-being, less frequent positive emotions and more frequent negative emotions than their childless peers. In fact, no group of parents—married, single, step or even empty nest—reported significantly greater emotional well-being than people who never had children. It's such a counter intuitive finding because we have these cultural beliefs that children are the key to happiness and a healthy life, and they're not."

Truer words were never spoken. I can't tell you how many blogs I've read of women expressing misery over motherhood. And fathers too for that matter. Many can be found on True Mom and True Dad Confessions, but others are simply out on the web waiting to be discovered and I fully intend to post excerpts and delve more into the topic in the coming days so get ready!

Waaa Stop Talking About The Catholics You Meanies!

2009-01-08T18:28:00.008-07:00

Got a some bitchy, whiny feedback from "Anonymous" on the last post and thought I would share it with my loyal readers...

"I love how no one can have a discussion about the Catholic Church without bringing up child molestation or whatever. Like it or not, that's bigotry -- not all Catholics molest children.

I personally don't understand why people get so up-in-arms about the church's stand. If you don't agree -- don't join the church. But comments like "Catholics are hyprocrites" or whatever are hurtful and stupid. As if all Catholics can be painted with the same brush!

I agree that all the extra children cause way more pollution than the hormones in urine.

It seems nobody can have an intelligent discussion when it comes to the Catholic Church -- people just react with this knee-jerk "Catholics are evil and molesters" crap. Do you ever stop to consider that this hurts people? Why can't you disagree with the dogma and discuss it intelligently without the insults?

Thank you very much -- my first post here will definitely be my last.

Signed, childfree and sick of bigotry"

First off, it's fascinating how people threaten to never come back to your blog when they're NOT the type of reader you want anyway. Oh no, you won't post here again? OMG what ever will I DOOOOOOOOOOOO? How will I gain the motivation to blog without your support?????

Boo friggity hoo, don't let the fucking door mow your whiny ass down on the way out.

Secondly if you or anyone else is "hurt" by my criticism of the Catholic Church, click the red X at the top of the page and see yourself out. HAHA Bigotry my ass...I didn't personally display anything of the kind. Religion SHOULD be QUESTIONED AND CRITICIZED, not blindly followed and never taken to task on it's antiquated, unreasonable policies. Grow up and learn to take it or stop the world so you can get off.

And anyway, my post wasn't about "all Catholics", it was about the shit-tastic leaders of the church who churn out and promote this bullshit. I was catholic school educated as a child/teen so I know this fuckery like the back of my hand.

Clearly, this person just came here to throw stones at people calling out the church on their bullshit and I thought it was ironic as hell. They complain that no one can have an "intelligent discussion when it comes to the Catholic Church" yet they made no attempt to intelligently articulate the church's stance on what our concerns are. They didn't, or couldn't (likely the latter) defend the position of the church on what this post is about- their outright LIES about the birth control pill causing environmental pollution and being responsible for male infertility. They also couldn't explain WHY exactly this church's stance on birth control ISN'T hypocritical or why the church would rather try to force people to procreate rather than placing a little more emphasis on promoting adoption and fostering.

No, we get no defense from this person on THE ISSUES. Instead we get a hissy fit criticizing us for using free speech to call the Catholic Church what it is- a shitty religion doing what it can to help overpopulate the Earth and take away a woman's control over how many times she conceives.

So Anon, your concerns have been heard. Here's to hoping you keep good on your promise not to post again. I prefer commenters who can engage instead of whine childishly and guilt trip.

The Lengths They'll Go To Keep Us Barefoot & Pregnant

2009-01-03T19:03:00.005-07:00

The best way to describe my current state of mind is "astonished".

I just finished reading this article and am dumbfounded at the measures the Catholic Church is taking to discourage women from taking control of their own fertility.

A report in the Vatican newspaper L'Osservatore Romano is claiming that the contraceptive pill is polluting the environment and is in part responsible for male infertility.

From the article:

The pill "has for some years had devastating effects on the environment by releasing tonnes of hormones into nature" through female urine, said Pedro Jose Maria Simon Castellvi, president of the International Federation of Catholic Medical Associations, in the report.

"We have sufficient evidence to state that a non-negligible cause of male infertility in the West is the environmental pollution caused by the pill," he said, without elaborating further.

The article was promptly dismissed by several organisations.

"Once metabolized, the hormones contained in oral contraceptives no longer have any of the characteristic effects of feminine hormones," said Gianbenedetto Melis, vice-president of a contraceptive research association, quoted by the ANSA news agency.

Is this outrageous or what?

I wish I could say I was even mildly surprised at the straws being grasped at by the Catholic Church, but they have a well documented history of going to extreme lengths to keep women from having an actual CHOICE in their own reproductive health. It's beyond disgusting.

I mean look at their cockamamie statement. they didn't even back their shit up with any concrete proof!

Hmph could that be because....THERE ISN'T ANY???

Dicks.

This church promotes a culture of baby having BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY. They oppose birth control with no exceptions. Even in marriage!

So using their logic, let's look at their stance. A married woman (fully sanctioned to have sexual intercourse with her husband by their "rules") is not within her rights to control her fertility via the pill or any other medical intervention. The church has no regard for whether or not the woman and her husband are mentally and emotionally ready to bear children, whether or not they are financially capable of supporting a child, whether or not they even DESIRE to have a child intruding upon every aspect of their lives for the next 20 years. They don't give a shit about any of it.

Their only option under the rules of the Catholic Church is to either NOT have sex or to have unprotected, contraceptive-free sex and be involuntarily "blessed" with children whether or not they desire them, are mentally ready for them, can afford them, etc.

Bullshit.

Completely destructive for the parents and the potential spawn. Do they care? Nope. It's NOT their problem. Do you get that? Whether you can take care of those kids they are insisting you have is of no consequence to them.

They aren't satisfied until people's homes are overrun with children.

What disturbs me just as much is their endless talk about "charitable works" and helping others, yet they spread outright lies about contraception and try to ban birth control among their parishioners and do nothing to help promote adoption or fostering orphaned kids. Apparently, as far as the Catholic Church is concerned, adoption and fostering be damned, be fruitful and multiply OR ELSE!

So, sorry all you prospective parents of the Catholic faith who'd prefer to adopt and save a few of the million abandoned children of the world, rather than contributing to overpopulation and having your own. Your church does not support your use of birth control under any circumstances, even if it serves the greater good for you to adopt kids that are already here rather than spawning new ones.

And these days, even though mindless breeding is still rampant, there ARE people who desire to become parents in a more noble, conscientious way and prefer to adopt rather than procreate. It's rare to see but they are out there! I have a great deal of respect for people like that and it bothers me that people of this mindset could abandon those plans due to the poisonous lies this church is now spreading about birth control.

Happy New Year!

2009-01-01T22:10:00.004-07:00

I know my posting has been sporadic but life has been super busy. My new job is great but learning so much new shit is fucking exhausting and daunting. Plus I'm trying to work out regularly and keep up with the other blog as well, along with deciding on a new apartment in North Scottsdale that's closer to work.

I'm tired.

However for the last two days, I've been feverishly planning an exciting trip for later in the year...

I'M GOING TO THE ISLAND OF TURKS AND CAICOS!

Yaaaaaaay!

Do you know how long it's been since I've had a REAL vacation?

Firstly since moving here from the East Coast three years ago, ALL of my vacations have been spent back East visiting my family. I have accumulated almost 60,000 frequent flier miles just from seeing them!

So I've decided that it is HIGH TIME for me to make an excursion elsewhere...to an exotic caribbean island where I can relax and rejuvenate!

But there's a problem.

I cannot find any ADULT only resorts to meet my needs. EVERYTHING is "child friendly".

Goddamn it all to hell.

Reading reviews of resorts on Trip Advisor has been highly frustrating simply because almost every hotel I'm interested in is rated as being "recommended for families with young children".

Why are young children being taken to Turks and Caicos ANYGODDAMNWAY? That is a place for GROWN-UPS!

Why can't parents take their fucking kids to Disney and leave the exotic locations for the adults?

Christ on crutches. People insist on taking their fucktrophies everywhere. Excuse me for wanting to be able to visit a gorgeous island without tripping over little bratleigh and snotface everywhere I fucking go.

Assholes.

And why are hotels such pussies about putting a foot down and saying "This place is for people at least 16 and up" or something along those lines?

Because you know if the resort patrons are bothered by OPK's (other people's kids), the employees of the resort are as well. It's a hassle for everyone involved.

I read numerous resort reviews by assbag, oblivious breeders who said shit like "brought along 18 month old baby and 3 year old, couldn't find child centered activities" and just wanted to give up on the whole thing.

A fucking 18 month old in Turks and Caicos on vacation. Are you serious????

I mean, I assumed that going in November when school is in session was a great way to avoid the crumbsnatcher set but if people are bringing 18 month old babies, that pretty much shoots my plan to hell.

I looked at other places too. Jamaica was an option but EVERYONE goes to Jamaica. I don't wanna go where everyone else goes! But for argument's sake, let's say I decided on Jamaica. They have a Hedonism resort and a Sandals resort, both of which are adult only. Sandals is a no-go because unless my mom or BFF decides to take me up on my offer and come with, I will be going on this trip alone. Sandals is for couples ONLY.

As for Hedonism, that place is for pervs. Don't get me wrong, I'm a lusty lady and all but what I do not want is to be bombarded with nekkid horny people on what I intend to be a relaxing vacation. Sorry, I just don't wanna glance over and have some woman's bare boobs or thonged ass right in my goddamn face. NONE FOR ME, THANKS!

Ugh or some 50 year old pale man in a speedo or NOT in a speedo. Ewww saggy balls in my face YUCK! BLARGH!!!! NO NO NO.

Why can't I just find a nice resort for mature adults of various age ranges, that isn't hopping with snot monsters, and isn't crawling with pervs? Is that too much to fucking ask???

Clearly it is.

I'll keep searching I guess...

My Prez Doesn't Want Your Snotlings At Inaguration!

2008-12-13T21:18:00.005-07:00

Not that I needed another reason to love our soon to be president, but according to The Washington Post, on the day of inaguration, "Officials are banning all strollers and backpacks and make a point of saying on their Web site that "there are no childcare facilities provided to attendees."

Yay!

I mean, it makes perfect sense. Political events are for ADULTS, NOT children. It's not fucking Disney On Ice.

Can you imagine trying to view the historic swearing in of the nation's first President of African descent, behind some jackass with a snotty nosed, big headed toddler on his fucking shoulders blocking everyone's view?

HELL NO!

Or trying to drown out the wailing cries of a whiny ass baby while struggling to hear Obama take the oath of office?

Fuck.That.Shit.

Talk about fucking un-American!

And I'm glad they've banned strollers and really spelled it out for people how un-child friendly this event will be because there is ALWAYS some ignorant, entitled breder who thinks their kid should be welcome any and everyfuckingwhere and wouldn't think twice about bringing their hellion to an inagural event.

Think about it...for the typical breeder this is a dream come true. They can whore their child out in public AND forever have bragging rights that little "Jayden" was at inauguration and "witnessed history" while she shit her diaper and drooled on herself!

Thank goodness controls are now in place to stop these oblivious breeders dead in their tracks.

Sorry About The Long Hiatus!

2008-12-03T23:00:00.004-07:00

I have totally been neglecting this blog!

Since I last posted, I quit my job of six years and start a new one making fucktons more money next week! Yay!

You all would be very proud of my interview performance. I repeatedly, yet subtly stressed how important my career is being a "single, childless woman".

Clearly it worked like a charm!

But, my BFF is having issues that I, as a CF person can't relate to, but want to support her though and I need to vent.

She's planning to marry her boyfriend in the near future and for some reason, they want kids.

Well, on a recent visit to her doctor, she was told some disparaging news about her chances of conceiving a healthy baby due to her being diabetic.

She tells her boyfriend this news and asks if he thinks they could be happy in their relationship without children and his response was: "wow, I need time to think about that."

Uhhh what?

And lemme just say that this is a man she moved to another state for. She quit her job and left all of her family and friends here in Arizona to be with him.

But apparently that may not be enough for him. This relationship may be contingent upon whether or not she can reproduce!

Now, since I know how much she loves this guy and how much she gave up for him, I'm trying to be a little less outspoken than I normally am. Truthfully I wanna tell her to leave his bitch ass.

But I've refrained. Only because she is an emotional wreck now.

Instead I've said things like "So, he's implying that you two have to add a whole new person into the equation for this relationship to be worthwhile to him? That doesn't make sense to me."

But what I really want to say is..."WHAT A TYPICAL FUCKING BREEDER ASS MAN. HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU ENOUGH TO PUSH HIS EGO RELATED NEED TO HAVE A CHILD TO THE SIDE WHEN YOU'VE GIVEN UP EVERYTHING FOR HIS SELFISH ASS???"

Ugh I am just disgusted. All of this over something health related which she has no control over. I swear, I will never understand the breeder mind.

How can the love you have for a person take a back seat to an imaginary, unborn child? A child that you can't even say for sure will fulfill you once it's here...a child that may end up being a terrible burden and your biggest regret.

To be willing to give up something that is allegedly "meaningful" for something unknown, untested, and unpredictable simply because you "think" having a kid MIGHT have a positive impact on your life makes no sense to me at all.

That's breeders for ya though.

This Is Fucking Sick!

2008-11-12T17:24:00.008-07:00

Puleeze stop what you're doing and watch this video.

In it, you will see a mother breastfeeing a kid who's SEVEN goddamn years old, and the older sister of said seven-year-old saying: "[Breastmilk] is better than anything in the world! I'd rather have breast milk than a million melons!!!"

WHAT?

Only a seriously codependent, fucked in the head breeder would participate in such fuckery and mentally damage her children this way.

Watching this big ass kid go for this woman's breast almost caused me to blow chunks.

I'm not kidding, I was really on the verge.

Wait til you see how obsessed these little girls are with their mother's breasts.

Not only do these disturbed little munchkins DRAW PICTURES OF MOMMIES BOOBS, they TALK TO THEM, "hate when she wears a bra", and they have even GIVEN MOM'S TITS NAMES!

Holy shit. This is skull-fuckingly jacked the hell up. My mind is just blown right now.

Saving Her Troubled Son, MY ASS!

2008-10-29T15:50:00.001-07:00

I just read the biggest load of bullshit and had to share it with you guys.

So, I know I've blogged about the Nebraska "Safe Haven" law ad nauseum but this whole debacle of people dumping their kids just pisses me off.

Well, when I last blogged about this, Nebraska had decided to amend this law to lower the age limit from 19 years old to 3 days old. But you see, it hasn't actually passed yet. So it shouldn't come as a shock that some brand new twat waffle from Georgia loaded her 12-year-old kid in the car for an "abandonment road trip" and left his ass at a hospital in Nebraska.

FROM GEORGIA TO NEBRASKA!

At least the last douche that drove across state lines was next door to Nebraska in Iowa! This cunt drove from a whole different time zone just to ditch her kid.

Oh and get this....the woman told the newspaper "she regretted her actions but thought the safe-haven law was her last chance at saving her troubled son".

Riiiiight. She abandoned him to "save him".

These breeders positively KILL ME acting all noble as if they're really putting the interest of their children first by throwing them out like garbage! What a fucking phony.

Lady, you didn't ditch your kid to "save him", you did it to save yourself from whatever head and ass pains he's been causing you that you no longer wish to deal with. People like you chose to enter into parenthood but when it gets hard you take the first out you can get without second thought as to what affect this will have on your kid.

Don't patronize us with this bullshit about how you did it to save him. You did it to rid yourself of your child. You thought of what was best for YOU. Not the kid you spent the past 12 years raising.

Excellent Point...

2008-10-27T20:56:00.003-07:00

So, I had to do a new post (never done two in one day before) to call attention to a great point that was just brought up in the comments.

From "Anonymous" (and please people, stop using anonymous as your handle! Just make up something original PULEEZE)

Some of the people who posted that men should get to opt out of fatherhood/child support responsibilities seem to want to PUNISH women for being pro-life when it comes to their own bodies.

The whole "if she chooses to have a baby he doesn't want, SHE should have the sole responsibility of supporting it fiscally" is the most fucked thing I've probably ever read.

If we want people to respect OUR choices when it comes to NOT having babies, we have to respect theirs when it comes to having babies. Trying to punish women financially for carrying a baby they feel an obligation to just because the man doesn't "want it" is bullcrap.

There's a price attached to sex sometimes that must be paid. It isn't "fair" but neither is life.

I gotta admit, Anon has a point I didn't contemplate. We want people to respect our decision to be pro-choice with our bodies but when a woman dares to be pro-life with regard to her own body, we look down on it if she doesn't have the support of a man.

The POV many of you expressed in support of "opting out" reads like this:

"If a woman gets pregnant and the man doesn't want a child, the woman shouldn't have it under any circumstances. If she goes against HIS wishes and chooses to have it, she should be punished by having to support the child on her own."

Is this what you guys were trying to express or has Anon construed it incorrectly? Are you advocating that men should have the final say in whether a woman carries his baby to term and if the woman doesn't DO AS HE SAYS, her punishment is to pay the kid's way ALONE for the entirety of it's life?

Sounds more and more like empowering men while denigrating women to me...here we go again, putting men in control of a woman's choice.

I don't like it one bit.

Please feel free to express or defend your POV in the comments on the post below. As long as it's posted respectfully, it's all good! I really wanna hear from all of you and I'd like to know whether these recent points have changed your opinions in any way.

Child Support: I'd Rather The Daddy Pay It Than Us Taxpayers!

2008-10-27T11:30:00.013-07:00

With regard to my last post, many of you likely saw where I would be going with this follow up.

While we all pretty much agree that the father of an embryo (I can't bring myself to call it a baby cause it ain't) should have no say in a woman's choice to abort, a great deal of you think that men who become fathers should have a way to legally "opt-put" of their child support obligations if he doesn't want the child.

I'm glad you guys brought this up and expressed yourselves respectfully and even though I can see your POV, I disagree strongly with it.

After reading this book a few months ago, I started seeing the issue of "fatherhood liability" from a completely different perspective.

Men are not always the victims in the baby game.

This particular book tells the story of real life teenage girls living in poverty and becoming mothers well before they are emotionally, mentally, and financially ready. Unlike the image we often see promoted on shows like "Maury" or on fictional television dramas, most of these GIRLS aren't guilty of "trapping" men into fatherhood. As a matter of fact, most of them end up pregnant because of pressure to conceive from a man.

As one of the reviewers of this book stated on Amazon:

"When the authors gave the single mothers an opportunity to explain why they decided to have children so young and before marriage, a common response was that their boyfriends repeatedly whispered the words "I want to have a baby by you," which, in their culture of dating and romance, is the highest form of praise and proof of a willingness to commit."

Now, personally speaking, I can't judge a 15-year-old girl as harshly as I do a grown woman. Hell, I did the dumbest shit EVER at that age so I know what it's like to be a complete, immature idiot who doesn't fully realize the consequences of their actions. I fell for a bunch of lines from guys when I was that age. I especially can't judge as harshly when I realize just how many of these girls are being talked into pregnancy by men sometimes TWICE their age.

I myself was preyed upon by a 26-year-old guy when I was in 11th grade! He thought I looked "hot" in my private school uniform, pursued me ENDLESSLY, and I was intensely flattered. Since my parents were workaholics who killed themselves to maintain our standard of living, pay the mortgage on a 3000 sq. foot house, and keep two spoiled, materialistic kids in designer clothes and in private school (my younger brother and I, as kids, can accurately be described with these adjectives) , I was alone a lot and free to have sex with my new "boyfriend" constantly.

I think about it now and almost become physically ill. Hindsight is 20/20 folks and I did things as a teenager I had no business doing that I would never in a million years contemplate today as a mature, clear-thinking woman.

A grown ass man took full advantage of me and I was naive enough to let him.

I wish I knew his whereabouts today so I could send someone to kick his ass.

That motherfucker should be on one of those Dateline "Catch The Perv" specials.

Anyway, I'm getting off topic.

My own experiences as a teenager are enough for me to have compassion for teenage girls who engaged in the same behavior I did, but had a different result.

Teenage motherhood.

What many of us aren't privy to is the fact that fatherhood is VERY attractive to many young men. They have an active role in convincing girls to become pregnant.These young men see being fathers as a way to validate their manhood. It's an ego thing. The same that we observe in the average, run-of-the-mill breeder.

From what I read in the comments, it's my understanding that many of you want to give license to men like these to impregnate as many women as possible while shirking financial responsibility for the lives they helped bring into this world. Are you guys really advocating that men like this can continue to whisper those sweet nothings of "I want you to have my baby" in a young girls ear, only to say a year later that they "never wanted the kid in the first place" in order to avoid paying child support?

Like, for real? Have we really thought this through?

Because to me it reads like this... "Hey guys, now you don't have to use condoms ever again! After all, if you get someone pregnant, you can just say you didn't want the baby in the first place and voila, no child support responsibilities for you! What's to deter you from having 10 kids to prove what a macho manly man you are with your super sperm? You can have all the street cred that comes with fatherhood and none of the responsibilities!"

Does no one else see how this could create a culture of reckless, irresponsible, repeat offender "baby daddies" with a trail of impoverished women and children left in their wake?

What about couples who break up before their child is born? Let's say the man is A-OK with becoming a father until he and his "baby momma" have a fight before the child is born and they break up. Does he have license to say he didn't want the baby to begin with a month later when it's born and avoid all financial responsibility?

This seems like a mighty slippery slope to me.

And just who ends up paying when a father chooses to shirk his financial responsibility? Um, that would be you and me in the form of the taxes that get jacked from our paychecks to go toward welfare programs.

Oh and I'm a liberal who supports these programs in times of hardship. But as a feminist, I can see something like this for what it is. It's a well known fact that more women live in poverty than men. What many of you are advocating is to me, a disaster that would continue to keep women in poverty in much higher numbers than men.

I can't support that.

The thought that every man facing fatherhood could up and bounce at the last minute saying he "never wanted the kid" makes me fucking ill. This is really a great way to let these sleaze buckets off the fucking hook while putting ourselves, the taxpayers, ON the hook for more money toward babies we had no hand in creating.

I guess I understand the fact that many of you believe a large number of men ARE in fact "trapped" into fatherhood. But I personally just don't let people off the hook that easily. I also don't believe this happens as often as many of you would like to believe. After all, the main scenario we hear most often from men who whine that they were duped is the tired old line "She told me she was on birth control (or said she was sterile)".

Come on. Who falls for that fuckery these days? What a bullshit excuse. It's always your responsibility to use contraception no matter what someone else tells you. Duh. Doubling up on birth control never hurt anyone. Be a fucking man and state your preference to use a condom REGARDLESS of what some woman tells you.

Jeez, grow up guys.

Let's see...what other far fetched excuse have I heard..."she poked holes in the condom." WHAT? That's a good one. LOLZ! I'm sure it happens but sorry, that doesn't engage my sympathy either. Responsible people who are sexually active carry their own condoms. I have like 12 boxes in my nighstand alone, and I'm a GIRL. Let's get real here. Bring your own! Asshole.

And what about the cases that TRULY result in accidents where no one is truly at fault (broken condom, etc.)? Well that's where communication comes into play. Once I discovered a month into our relationship, that my ex was pro-life and didn't believe in abortion, I told him frankly that if I ever "accidentally" became pregnant, I would abort his potential baby the minute I discovered it's presence. No ifs, ands, or butts. I also told him that if this was a scenario he truly found unacceptable, he was welcome to stop having sex with me and end our relationship.

Needless to say, he didn't. I'm way too hot in the sack.

But that's beside the point.

When you're fucking someone, you need to communicate the potential "what if's", and if you can't trust that person's word or deal with the adverse consequences of your actions you need to stop fucking around. Either that or take the ultimate responsibility for your own fertility and get snipped! Whatever you choose, I want me and my tax dollars left out if it. I'd like to see every father in the nation held personally, financially responsible for his kid because that means less money I personally have to contribute to their bastard children.

Maybe if our society wasn't so welfare based I'd feel differently. Maybe. But as of right now, it's my preference that the dick who fucked the woman who had his baby pay for their offspring and not me. It's also my opinion that a man shouldn't be able to fake a woman out by "going with the program" of impending parenthood only to then skip off scot-free at the last minute.

While I may feel sympathy for men who "accidentally" got a woman pregnant due to a broken condom or some other accident that was neither his, nor the woman's fault, I can't support any system that would let him pass HIS responsibility off on ME, the taxpayer. Freedom of choice and being pro-choice means to me that not only should no one be forced to have a baby they don't want, but also that no woman should be forced to abort a baby she does want, simply because the man who fucked her doesn't want to pay to support his child. If the two of them can together come up with an agreement that eliminates his parental rights, fine. If not I believe she has the right to nominal child support from him RATHER than a cut of my tax dollars. If a man can't deal with those apples he can either get snipped or spank his monkey.

His body, his choice.

With all of the factors that go into this argument, there is simply no fair way to regulate a legal "opt-out system". It will forever be his word against hers. Men will be able to coax girls into pregnancy and get off scot free with the simple lie that he didn't want the child. People will agree on venturing into parenthood but if the relationship ends before the arrival of the child, men will know they can walk away with no repercussions. Women and children will languish in poverty in higher numbers than ever before. More of our tax monies would go toward supporting an out of control welfare system.The only "winners" in this game would be the men who are now free to deny their children financial support and continue to breed recklessly with no consequences.

Maybe some of you are ok with that scenario, but I'm not.

Does The Father Have A Say?

2008-10-26T16:40:00.004-07:00

One of the many things I used to argue with my ex boyfriend about, was whether or not a woman should have to consult with the father of her baby before aborting her child.

Of course, my view was ABSOLUTELY NOT. That embryo would be occupying my body and only I would have a say in it's fate.

He disagreed wholeheartedly. His POV was that since he had a hand in creating the life, he should have a say in whether or not it's aborted. Knowing my intention to remain CF for life, his argument was that if I ever became pregnant with his child, rather than me aborting it, he would want me to carry the baby to term so HE could raise it.

YEAH RIGHT. He's barely home enough to be a "father" to his puppy who has to stay in his cage all day! Ugh.

Anyway, as I told him, that's all noble and fine as far as intentions go, but goddammit, that still leaves me with the wretched burden of carrying the baby for almost a full calendar year. And let's not forget that doesn't go off without a hitch or come with no side effects.

This entails me being frequently sick, likely very uncomfortable, and having to change my every way of life. No more coming home to a few mudslides after a shit day at work! No more sleeping on my stomach. Oh and no more going out to meet hot guys of flirting at the grocery store! Who's gonna flirt with a pregnant bitch?

No more changing the kitty litter because apparently pregnant women can be adversely affected by toxoplasmosis which is carried by cats and passed in their feces.

Hello, I have two cats. I'm sure I could count on his ass to come and change the litter box every day.

NOT!

And let's not forget the millions of doctor appointments and co-pays that come along with pregnancy.

So, the whole argument of "carry the baby to term and I'll raise it", is bullshit as far as I'm concerned.

Also, what happens if he punks out when the kid gets here? What if he gets "scared" like so many men facing the prospect of fatherhood do? I am stuck with a baby I didn't fucking want. A baby I sacrificed my body for. My boobs will never be full, round, and perky ever again! Bottom line, here I am stuck with a baby I wasted nine months of my freedom for who's father wussed out of raising it.

Do you know how much I would resent not only my boyfriend, but the baby as well? How fucked up of a situation would that be? And then having to give the kid up for adoption knowing full well that as a Black child, people are not exactly going to be clamoring to adopt it.

I'm sorry but no. I'd never, ever put myself in that situation. Just because men can take credit for helping to create an embryo, doesn't mean they have a right to determine it's fate. Until the day comes where medical technology can transfer that life from my body to yours for YOU to carry, YOU HAVE NO SAY.

What are your thoughts on this guys? I hope you'll share them because I have a subject related to this to post about next and when that topic was eluded to in the past, some of you disagreed with my take on it and it's actually related to this! So post away in the comments and let's see where this goes.

No More Drop Offs For You Sorry Ass Breeders!

2008-10-20T15:58:00.005-07:00

Well, the safe haven law in Nebraska, I recently wrote about is being re-written!

Rocked by the abandonment of children as old as 17, the state has decided that the cut off age to drop off your unwanted crotchfruit will now be 3 days old! Great news if you ask me. It gives a message to folks that if you have an inkling that you won't be able to do what a parent is supposed to do, which is ya know, TAKE CARE OF YOUR FUCKING KID, it's time to to give the breeding a rest assholes.

I may not be a fan of children but once they're here, they deserve to be taken care of, not tossed by the wayside because you non-thinking breeders couldn't handle your responsibility.

PSA- A Word About Comments

2008-10-13T10:37:00.005-07:00

I can't believe I even have to post something so NO-BRAINER and consisting of such COMMON SENSE but recent events give me no choice.

Since some people think they can just come hijack my comments and post whatever the fuck they want, I felt the need to publish a little notice about what is and isn't acceptable on this here website.

I welcome comments that are insightful, funny, thought-provoking, and bring forth a new perspective.

What I do NOT welcome are comments that:

*Admonish or TALK DOWN to me for MY point of view, however slanted it may be

*Tell me or other readers how we should be living our lives (including giving unwelcome, unsolicited advice)

*Have an insulting, condescending, or scornful tone

*Are unreasonably argumentative toward other commenter's

*Tell me WHAT or HOW I should write

I don't expect everyone to like or agree with some of the things I write, no matter how similar our lifestyles may be. You might LOVE some of what I write and you might hate some of the other things I write. No big deal. But let's get something straight. This is MY personal blog, not a goddamn message board. If something you read here disturbs or upsets you, your only right is to click the red fucking X to your upper right and get the fuck out. PERIOD.

Whether you're a breeder, CF, or in between, you do not have a right to talk shit to me OR about me in my comments. You don't have the right to bitch out other people in my comments. You also don't have the right to go off on your own little rant about my viewpoints and opinions. Take your pissy attitude and go fuck off.

This being MY blog, I reserve the right to abstain from publishing any comment that doesn't appeal to my sensibilities. And I use that right quite liberally.

Lemme just tell you how I operate when I go about perusing other people's blogs.

If I see something on someone else's blog that I don't like or agree with, you know what I do? I click the X and see myself the hell out. I don't post a long diatribe of bullshit detailing why I don't agree and what they should write in the future so that I do agree. IT'S THEIR BLOG. They can post what they want, I don't have to like it. I'm respectful enough to allow them to have their view without "taking them to task" for it.

And that's the moral of the story. Treat my blog the way I would treat yours and we won't have any problems K? If that's too difficult of an undertaking for you, I guess you should go hijack someone else's blog with your righteous indignation cause this isn't the place for you.

"Baby Bating": Showing An Ultrasound Before An Abortion

2008-10-10T20:18:00.013-07:00

Thank GAWD an advocacy group is suing over an Oklahoma law that prohibits women from getting an abortion unless they first have an ultrasound and are forced to listen to the doctor describe what the fetus looks like.

I surely hope they're the victors in this fight. This is honestly one fucked up law. Trying to "baby bait" women; some of whom are poor, already have children they are struggling to raise, are too young to be effective mothers, or are just plain UNFIT for motherhood, into keeping a fetus their first instinct tells them they do not want and cannot take care of, is really despicable.

If the law remains on their side and they are allowed to keep practicing this, you know what I feel I have a right to do? I'd like to set up shop in an OBGYN's office and force pregnant chicks to hear all of the ills that come with babies.

Cause like the supporters of the ultrasound law, I'd really like to make sure they know what they're getting into.

I wanna bombard them with all kinds of figures on the cost of raising a baby. I'd like to show these women how much daycare costs (With an average of $8,150 per year ($679 a month), daycare costs for babies and toddlers in the United States range from $4,388 to $14,647 a year ($366 to $1,221 monthly), according to data from the National Association of Child Care Resource & Referral Agencies (NACCRRA). I feel they need to know how much it costs to constantly buy new clothing for babies and young children due to their rapid rate of growth. I wanna give them the facts on how many shit filled diapers they're going to change in those first few years of their baby's life. I'd like to show them how much sleep they're going to lose catering to their whiny baby's every whim. I wanna prepare them for the possibility of postpartum depression and just how crippling it is. I want them to have to take care of someone else's colicky baby for a few weeks so they can be driven to the edge of madness by the incessant crying of a baby that essentially CANNOT BE CONSOLED. I want to force them to read the book "Blindsided By A Diaper" which details a study that was done with new parents in 2003 by Newsweek that reveals 67% of them complain that after kids they have less sex, less fun, and more arguments than before. I wanna show them the studies of how much LESS money you make when you become a mother due to that dreaded "Mommy Tax".

Casue after all, do these women KNOW what they're getting into? If not, I'd like to be the one to educate them. That's the decent thing to do right?

I mean, pro-lifers can get away with their agenda, what's so bad about mine? While theirs romanticizes the notion of a baby by describing what the ultrasound looks like and manipulates someone's fragile emotions while giving NONE of the facts about what their life as a mother will be like, mine is based in REALITY.

Science Says: "Liberals Are Smarter"...Was There Any Doubt?

2008-10-05T16:59:00.008-07:00

Yeah this is a childfree blog and I mostly blog about childfree topics but today I'm flipping the script.

I'm a far left leaning liberal who can honestly say that every Republican I've ever personally met (family members included), has been a complete, illogical imbecile. Attempting to have a logic based, political conversation with a Republican is like wacking your head up against a wall repeatedly.

I do not advise it.

If there happen to be any Republicans reading this who feel insulted by my personal observation, let me clarify. I don't think ALL Republicans are illogical imbeciles.

But my guesstimate is that 97% of them are. You might be included in that number. How else can you explain your stupid opinions?

Anyway, I came across this article on Slate and apparently, recent research points to the fact that conservatives as a rule are more "simple-minded" than liberals!

Some key points from the article in case you don't feel like reading it:

"the red-state mind-set stems from a set of "psychological needs," including a deep anxiety about death, lack of self-esteem, and intolerance of ambiguity. As a result, conservatives are "less integratively complex" than liberals, more obedient by disposition, and inclined to cling to what they know."

"They used scalp electrodes to monitor the neural activity of liberals and conservatives who were engaged in a simple button-pressing task and discovered some significant differences between the two groups. First, the authors said, the conservatives tended to make more mistakes on the task."

"the liberal brain scans revealed "stronger conflict-related anterior cingulate activity, suggesting greater neurocognitive sensitivity to cues for altering a habitual response pattern." That is to say, liberals were less prone to error and better able to process complex, conflicting information."

"scientists do tend to be liberal, but that's on account of their predilection for the truth and tolerance for uncertainty. (They're also more creative than most other people, he added, which reinforces their bias to the left.)"

"Consider last week's paper in Science, which purported to show that conservatives were more anxious and easily frightened than liberals."

"in 2002, Daniel Klein and Andrew Western tallied the political affiliations of professors at Berkeley and Stanford and found that even in the hard sciences, Democrats outnumbered Republicans by a factor of almost 8 to 1. Among professors of neurology and neuroscience, Klein and Western counted 68 registered Democrats against just six Republicans."

So, intelligent minds are more likely to be liberal huh...what a huge shock! No wonder so many of us liberals can't seem to wrap our minds around the dumbass bullshit regularly spewed by Sean Hannity, Bill O'Reilly, Michelle Malkin, Rush Limbaugh and the like...

This explains why I get chills every time Bill Maher or Michael Moore is on TV serving up delicious, well-thought out logic that stimulates my beautiful, liberal mind and speaks to my most basic sensibilities!

Liberals like logic and things that make sense, and conservative view points fly in the face of nearly everything sensical and logical.

How else can you explain how their desire for "less government" and advocacy for keeping government out of the lives of citizens, contradicts with their unnatural, maddening determination to have GOVERNMENT regulate whether or not women can privately dispose of the contents of their wombs, or whether or not two lovable queers can marry one another?

DUH, that isn't logic! It's stupid and completely fucking non-sensical to hold those two contrasting viewpoints.

But I digress. Without stupid nonsense, Republicans wouldn't exist.

And then who would us liberals have to laugh at and claim our rightful superiority over?

Don't Abort, Abandon!

2008-09-28T13:06:00.006-07:00

After reading a series of stories on Msnbc about kids in Nebraska being dropped off at hospitals like friggen pizza deliveries after the passage of a "safe haven" law allowing parents to abandon kids aged 19 and under at hospitals, I can't help but wonder what the "pro-life" crowd thinks of this.

First there was the father who left nine of his ten kids at the hospital because their mother died, and he's unemployed and not capable of caring for them himself.

I'm sorry but I didn't feel one iota of sympathy for this asshole. WHY don't people think of this shit before they recklessly and carelessly bring ten goddamn children into the world??? These people just fuck and breed, fuck and breed, fuck and breed. Nobody plans for catastrophe's such as the death of one parent or unexpected job loss...they plan for absolutely nothing. Introduce ten little fuck trophies into the world and HOPE FOR THE BEST! That's how they think. If you can qualify that as "thinking".

No need to plan for unforeseen tragedies! We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. We don't OWE IT TO OUR KIDS to have a back-up plan to care for them in the event things fall apart. People like this are thoughtless in their incessant breeding and are too stupid and insensitive to realize they OWE more to the children they bring into the world. I do NOT feel bad for this guy who dumped his kids at the hospital and walked away.

I have a feeling that he's garnering a lot of sympathy because he's a man and that pisses me off. If this was a WOMAN who dropped off nine of her crotch dumplings at the local hospital, a lot more people would be up in arms about the shit. Women are held to a much higher standard when it comes to things like this. All compassion is out the window when a woman in this situation can't take care of her kids, but when it's a man, people empathize..."Aww he's a man. There's no way he can take care of HIS OWN KIDS all by himself!!!!!!"

What bullshit.

You know who I reserve my sympathy for? THE KIDS! They didn't ask to be born. They lost their mother. Their father is shirking his responsibility by abandoning them. I can't even imagine what they are going through mentally and emotionally.

What a sorry state of affairs.

From what I've read, since this "safe haven" law passed in July, over 18 kids have been abandoned. IN TWO MONTHS. Is this what the pro-life crowd, who frowns upon abortion, has in mind when they try to force people to have kids they don't want? Cause I do think it's safe to assume that many of the people who have abandoned their kids under this law, probably did not have a strong desire for them in the first place. Some of these parents PROBABLY considered abortion but decided against it because they themselves are "pro-life" and believe abortion is wrong.

At this pace, there will be over 100 children abandoned over the next 12 months. Is this the alternative to abortion that pro-lifers would like to see continue? Families being ripped apart, kids being thrown away by parents they've already bonded with and become attached to...is this preferable to children being aborted before they're born?

I'm thinking NO.

Informative Abortion Article

2008-09-23T16:19:00.009-07:00

Newsweek has a very informative article up on abortion and I wanted to discuss some of the things I found interesting about it.

It states that "compared to 30 years ago, women having abortions today are older and more likely to be mothers and minorities, according to a study released Tuesday by the nonprofit, nonpartisan Guttmacher Institute."

For some reason, I think the misconception I always had was that childless women underwent most abortion procedures! I guess I shouldn't be shocked that MOTHERS are the ones having more abortions though. After all, no one knows the sucktacular realities of motherhood better than someone who's already a mother and has kids spending up all their dough and bugging the shit out of them all day! The rest of us can guess how crappy it probably is but only they know the reality.

Fortunately, abortion seems to not be as serious an issue among teenagers because as the article notes Centers for Disease Control statistics show teenage contraceptive use to have gone up noticeably between 1995 and 2005.

Thank gawd.

Seriously, that is great news. I can honestly say that had my mother not placed me on Depo Provera back in 1996 when I was 16, who knows where I'd be now with regard to children. Ugh I shudder to think about it!

I find it sad that so many teenage girls don't have the kind of mother I did. Her head wasn't so far up her ass that she thought putting me on birth control was "OMG GIVING ME PERMISSION TO HAVE SEX!!"

Cause even though she wasn't 100% positive, like many of my teenage friends, I was already doing it!

Unfortunately, many of my friends didn't have intelligent, logical, loving mothers to take care of them and a handful of them ended up pregnant.

As far as I know, even though I've lost touch with many of them, mutual friends inform me that their lives SUCK.

Just as I suspected since I have that doom and gloom mentality when it comes to having kids.

I honestly can't say what would have happened if I had ended up pregnant as a teenager. My mom cringes at the thought of abortion and gets all emotional and stuff so who knows if she would have consented for me to have one at that age. A large part of me doubts she would have...because after all, she got pregnant with ME at 16 and refused when my own grandparents tried relentlessly to get her to terminate her pregnancy.

She married my dad at 19, had my little brother at 23, and really did go on to flourish professionally and financially. Do I think she would have used her own life as an example to try to talk me into keeping a baby? You bet your ass I do.

My mother and I are VERY different people though. She is my best friend but she's a kooky kid lover and always has been. She sees a child and wants to nibble it's little face off while showering it with kisses. I see one and want to sprint the fuck away like a goddamn track star. Seriously, I want all children to pretty much keep the fuck out of my personal space.

I didn't even fucking like kids when I was one and told her when I was 10 that I was "getting my tubes tied when I grow up".

Hmph, I'm 28 and still haven't been able to fulfill that childhood dream.

Dammit.

In any case, I have come across numerous women online at Jezebel or other such blogs that I frequent who've had abortions but in my actual life...I don't know anyone who's had one other than an ex friend and my 16 year old cousin. Hell, maybe I have friends who've had one and just never felt comfortable talking about it.

But to be honest with you, as pro-choice as I am, the thought of having one scares the fuck out of me. Obviously if Depo failed me now and I got knocked up tomorrow (highly plausible since I have quite the active sex life), I would be at the abortion clinic in a nanosecond! My fear wouldn't keep me from terminating an unwanted pregnancy but I won't sit here and say I'm not incredibly happy and relieved I've never had to go there.

Unlike what some fucktarded ass "pro-lifer's" think, I don't believe that women are gung ho and excited about this procedure when they unintentionally get knocked up. I also don't think they're always remorseful or filled with regret immediately after. I know I wouldn't be. What's to be remorseful about? My birth control failed me, I don't have what it takes to be a mother with regard to finances, mental preparation, OR desire.

In my opinion, the responsible thing for me to do is have the abortion. I certainly don't think the better option is adoption. Hell fucking no. Like there aren't enough unwanted little brown babies in the world with no one to take them in! This is the United States, not Namibia or Malawi where some big celebrity like Brangelina or Madonna will eagerly come to give my kid a home. If anything, having the baby is MORE irresponsible. Bringing a child into the world I have ZERO intention of taking care of, dumping it in one of those "baby drop boxes" at a hospital and just shrugging it off, hoping someone will come to it's rescue while I go on about my childfree life...

Um sorry, NO.

This isn't a popular opinion in the world but I think I'd be less of a bitch by just terminating the pregnancy in the first place. Fuck what anyone else thinks.

Anyway I do want feedback so I'm going to post this on my other blog as well. If you have the URL, feel free to post a duplicate comment there. Has anyone reading had an abortion? I'm wildly curious about this and think the topic shouldn't be kept under wraps like it's some sort of secret shame we should go to our graves with. I hope people will be open and share experiences...

Pro-Life Bitches Taking Lives

2008-09-14T18:39:00.001-07:00

*Sigh*

I cannot for the life of me figure out how "pro-life" individuals like Sarah Palin, aka "Animal Kill Barbie", can drone on ad nauseum about "choosing life", when it comes to an embryo 9 months away from even being born but can look an innocent animal in the eye before killing it "for sport".

I just can't wrap my mind around this type of logic.

Shouldn't "pro-life" include the lives of animals as well? How can you be against someone terminating the life of an embryo or young fetus growing inside THEIR BODY, but have no moral difficulty going out shooting wolves, moose, caribou, and all types of other innocent wildlife?

Let's put this into perspective with pictures shall we?

This is a 6 week old embryo.

This is "Caribou Killer Barbie" showing off her latest victim.

What kind of conscience operates this way????

Now a disclaimer...I'm a vegetarian, an ASPCA and PETA member, and I have a major bleeding heart for animals. I also have a HUGE problem with people who go out busting caps in defenseless animals for fun.

But I have an even bigger issue with "pro-life" hypocrites like Palin pretending to value life but extinguishing it on a regular basis for their own entertainment.

I saw this bitch on 20/20 the other night going on and on about "choosing life" and bringing up adoption as an alternative to abortion, knowing all the while that she assassinates animals and has shat out 5 children rather than adopting or fostering even one.

I despise this fucking twatrag and everything she stands for.

People like this are only "pro-life" when it comes to the contents of other women's uteri. When it comes to animals in the wild minding their own business, young lives being lost in unjust wars, people awaiting execution on death row (who are disproportionally poor, minority, and mentally ill), these assholes are anything BUT pro-life.

MOTHERFUCKERS.

To The Lady With the "Pain in the ass" Kids...

2008-09-09T17:25:00.005-07:00

I know many of you probably heard about the mother who ran a Craigslist ad looking for someone to be a nanny to her kids which she describes as "a pain in the ass" but if not, here's a story about it.

Personally speaking, I find the entire thing obnoxious and unfunny. I know she was trying to be "quirky" but in my opinion, she came off like an asshole. I wanted to answer the ad...

Hmm what would I say...? Let's see...how bout this:

I stumbled across your ad today and couldn't bring myself to be even the slightest bit amused by the acerbic way in which you describe the needs of yourself and your "pain in the ass" children. The first thing that came to my mind was, since YOU CHOSE to have these kids and they are YOUR responsibility, perhaps you should take some time out of your busy work schedule to break your kids of the habits that cause you to deem them as a pain in the ass?

Or does that seem unreasonable? Lemme know K?

When you said "I can be a tad difficult to work for. I'm loud, pushy and while I used to think we paid well, I am no longer sure" , I said to myself, wow she sounds like a real pain in the ass. That must be where the kids get it from!

The apple really doesn't fall far does it? One could say your honesty deserves respect but I disagree. You come off as "entitled". Entitled to be difficult, loud, and pushy and entitled to allow your children to be a pain in someone else's ass besides yours in order to receive a paycheck that you yourself acknowledge is probably pretty crappy.

One more thing. This line you wrote: "I have all sorts of theories on how to stack my dishwasher, and if you are judgmental about Ritalin for ADHD, or think such things are caused by too much sugar, again, deal-break city.", really cements the notion that you are likely a bigger pain in the ass than your children. Heaven forbid the person you pay a shitty salary to put up with your bratty, pain in the ass kids, tries to help you brainstorm ways to be a more effective parent and or housekeeper! Don't they realize you're entitled to be a shitty parent and if they don't like your kids, they can hit the bricks?

Sure that means you'll have to find a new sitter (which the ad indicates you do quite frequently) but you'd much rather continue to feel entitled and "always be right" rather than accept the suggestions of someone who may truly be trying to help you. Going through dozens of different nannies is probably not the best way to maintain your children's sense of stability, but we can't have "the help" giving you parenting advice now can we?

Your kids are a pain in the ass and you'll be damned if anyone tries to resolve that but you!

Good luck with your search and thank god I don't have your life!

Love,

Me

Too harsh or does that get the point across sufficiently?

Office Babyshowers...What Fuckery

2008-09-03T22:36:00.003-07:00

As I've mentioned, four of my coworkers are knocked up and I am in pre-natal hell with all this baby talk and shit.

Since my cuntbag of a boss is leading the pack and due in two weeks (THANK GAWD), the entire management team was forced to endure a lame fucking babyshower in her honor.

Several of my coworkers bought her gifts but due to the fact that I hate her tyrannical, ignorant ass, I didn't get the bitch a goddamn thing.

I simply showed up for the free chocolate cake.

Anyway, can I just say how much I HATE babyshowers? I swear I do. the stupid fucking "activities", all the retarded, giggly cooing over diaper genies, pink and blue outfits, stuffed animals, and those dismal little "onesies" that everyone thinks are so cute.

It's like a never-ending parade of lameness.

I just wanna stand up and say "OMG how exciting, you're about to have a whiny red faced little screamer rip through your vagina! YAY! Your first few weeks, and months with this little bundle are guaranteed to be sleepless, stressful, and probably rife with post partum depression! WHOO HOO!"

Do you think my sarcasm would be too obvious?

Dems React To News of Palin's Knocked Up Kid

2008-09-01T13:20:00.010-07:00

In light of the news that Sarah Palin's teenage daughter is pregnant the Democrats can't help but dance a little jig at yet MORE evidence that "abstinence only" education in schools is pretty much worthless.

Love it!

Dumbass Breeders Bringing About Their Own Misery

2008-08-26T21:53:00.016-07:00

I am highly annoyed after reading this article about a pair of stupid ass breeders in Egypt who wanted a boy so badly, they resorted to the use of fertility drugs.

You see, these idiots already had three daughters but like any pair of selfish breeders who can't be satisfied with what they have, they decided to tempt fate because they wanted a baby with a penis.

So the cow of a wife pumps herself full of hormones and guess what happens?

The stupid twat had septuplets. A whole stankin ass litter of babies.

And NOW...they're complaining about having ten goddamn kids!

Three of them were boys so you got your sons bitch! Quitcher bellyachin!

Ugh these people make me fucking sick.

Check out what they said:

"I'm really scared," she said, lying in her hospital bed in this Mediterranean coastal city. "We live in a mud hut with only two rooms. I don't know how we're going to afford 10 children now."

Khamis' husband Farag Mohammed Ali, a 31-year-old farm laborer, can find work only a few days a week, she said. "I'm really worried about what the future looks like."

You live in a motherfucking mud hut and you were taking fertility drugs for a fourth fucking kid????

WHAT THE SHIT!

Somebody's not playing with a full deck here. What bullshit.

I can't even understand shit like this. Here you are, dirt fucking poor with three kids yet your idiotic breeder mentality leads you to take fertility drugs, KNOWN TO PRODUCE MULTIPLE BIRTHS, just so you can have a baby with testicles.

Jesus Christ on a rubber cross, I am befuddled at the stupidity of breeders.

And what pisses me off just as much is this quote:

"It's because she had three daughters and didn't have a boy. In many parts of Egypt, if she doesn't have a boy, it's as if she didn't have children at all."

WHAT THE FUCK EVER.

All over the goddamn world, male lives are valued and preferred over female lives AND IT PISSES ME THE HELL OFF.

I remember reading an article not long ago about how the sexist policies of countries like China, will soon face a "wife shortage" for the next generation of men.

UM DUH! YA THINK!!! You give female babies away at an astonishing rate and commit infanticide like it's no fucking big deal.

Bitches.

I guess the men in those countries will just have to resign themselves to being homo's and resort to fucking each other in the ass due to the sexist short-sighted policies of their sorry ass government.

Dumb fucks.

I'm really pissed off now.

BTW here is the article about that POS China and their girl shortage. I have a real beef with this place, I'm sorry. Between them placing more value upon male lives, and their brutal treatment of animals, I am sickened by this country. I don't give two shits if the goddamn Olympics was there.

This, this, and this tells me all I need to know about that fucked up country.

So wow, I just went off on another topic huh? SORRY! Once I started ranting about their mistreatment of girls I started to remember the other fucked up shit they're guilty of.

So yeah, fuck them and fuck this culture in Egypt that believes in comparison to having a single male child, three female children amounts to pretty much nothing.

And fuck these sympathy-seeking breeders with their ten kids when they couldn't afford the three they already had.

Fuck them all, goodnight.

Funniest Daddy Blog Ever.

2008-08-19T22:59:00.005-07:00

First and foremost, I have a new URL- www.childfreeclique.com. I no longer have a blogspot address. I bit the bullet and bought my own domain. The old site will still redirect here but I'm not sure if that's a permanent thing or not so change your bookmarks just to be safe.

But, to the topic at hand. I've just come across one of the funniest blogs I have ever read and had to share it with you guys.

The Insensitive Father is pure comedy gold!

The author, Daniel, began this blog after discovering his wife's pregnancy and let's just say, he's not jumping for joy at the thought of being a Daddy.

In his words, "they stink, they're helpless, and they're pretty much ugly"- a point I think we can all agree on.

He details the beginning of his marriage, always silently hoping he and wifey would never have kids but they moved to a town that sounds like Breeder Central, USA and the odds were stacked against him from the very start.

Here's an excerpt:

"The pressure was really on though as soon as we got married. We moved to a college town where everybody at church was young and pregnant. The hallways smelled like breast milk and stinky diapers. I still don't get why people are so excited about babies. Every week there would be some guy at church talking about his "little bundle of joy", all the while haggard with lines underneath his eyes from the lack of sleep. It usually worked like this: The guy would first tell me his child was wonderful, and then try to pawn his baby off on me while he ran free. I would generally just put the baby on the floor and walk off. Usually some caring mother would find the kid and return it to its rightful parents. I think. "

This was LOLZ on roller skates for me.

One of the funniest things I read was the post from when their baby was finally born. He posted pics of the baby (which I admit, WERE kinda scary) and then had this to say:

"Now I know that everybody said that I would melt when I first held my newborn and looked into his eyes. As much as I hate to admit it, when I first held that tiny little thing, I couldn't help but think that this is the ugliest kid ever made. Sweet mercy I have seen some sickening things in my life, but this takes the cake. I don't care what you people have to say. The devil child hath come, and he bears the burden of fugliness."

HA!

It's totally entertaining to read something parenthood related from a man's perspective. Mommy blogs sicken me. But this stuff? I could actually read this on a regular basis.

Anyway, go read his blog and prepare to be amused. It's really good stuff.

www.theinsensitivefather.com

This Is NOT A Baby Picture!

2008-08-17T19:02:00.003-07:00

Four of the women I work with are knocked up.

Yes FOUR.

Which means that I'm forced to endure endless talk of pregnancy symptoms, childbirth preparation stories, office baby showers, and yes the distribution of ultrasound photos.

What bullshit.

These women pass around these photos as if anyone can actually decipher what the fuck it is they're looking at. And the rest of my co-workers completely fake it and play along in the charade! "Oh wow, yeah I can totally see that's the hand! Awww! "

It's such a sham!

Luckily I do not bullshit these mommies-to-be.

"Um no, I have no idea what the hell I'm looking at, sorry."

And that's me being nice.

What I really wanna say is "Fuck no I don't wanna see your fetus or the penis of your fetus. What am I a pedophile? I don't care what private parts your baby is going to be born with. This is not even a real baby picture. Get a life."

But I grit my teeth and refrain from saying such things...if they wanna get excited over a black, blurry ass photo, so be it.

Whoops, We Boarded A Flight To Gay Paree & "Forgot" The Snot Monster!

2008-08-04T12:28:00.004-07:00

I read this article and couldn't help but LMFAO.

This couple "forgot" their three year old at the airport and boarded a flight to Paris without her!

Am I just a cynical bitch or does anyone else think they left the kid on purpose?

Cause seriously...when I moved here from the East Coast, I was traveling with my two cats and they were at my side, each one in their own little carrier, the entire time we were at the airport! Never were they unattended for even a second! They're ANIMALS and I would NEVER have forgotten one of them!

But then again, maybe I'm a better pet parent than some of these breeder parents.

Awesome Sterilization Article

2008-07-30T15:30:00.005-07:00

If you've read my previous posts, you might recall that last year I met with my new GYNO for my annual pap and to discuss birth control...namely TUBAL LIGATION!

When I broached the subject with her she acted as if I was asking her to remove my tits and put them on my shoulders.

Like the notion of a woman under 30 not wanting to be a slave to some crotch dumpling is appalling or something.

Needless to say, I haven't brought it up since. I go in every three months for my depo shot like I have for the past 12 years of my life, I have no visits from "Aunt Flo", and I'm not having any issues on it.

That isn't to say that I'm not interested in being sterilized because I am...I just don't feel like seeing 35 doctors and answering the same stupid questions over and over again...

Such as:

"What if you meet the love of your life and he wants to have children with you?"

Me: "No man who wants me to have babies is the love of my life. Period.Plus, if such a man exists, I don't want some baby coming between us and disrupting our busy fuck schedule or our extensive vacation plans to exotic countries."

"What if you change your mind?"

Me: "Seeing as though I told my mom I "didn't want babies ever" when I was 10 YEARS OLD, I seriously doubt that one day the urge will strike.However, if it does, there are tons of kids available for adoption. I'll do that before I consider the possibility of destroying my ladybits.

See here and here

Anywho...Jezebel posted an awesome article about the sterilizaion of a 24 year-old woman today and it is definitely recommended reading for women like myself who have asked their GYNO for infomation regarding the procedure and were treated as if they requested a lobotomy...

Go check it out

Counterfeit Babies & The Loony Bitches Who LoveThem

2008-07-25T23:24:00.005-07:00

I am positively stupefied by the video I've just watched.

So much so that I need to share it with you guys...

"Reborn babies" have officially freaked me the fuck out.

If you've never heard of or seen these things, hold on to your seat...

These whack job baby addict women collect these fucking baby-esque dolls, build nurseries for them, take them out in public, and all kinds of other sick shit.

One of these bitches even took her "baby" along with her and her husband to get family photos taken!

Fruitier than a pack of skittles, these people.

This is seriously the most fucked up shit I have ever seen. Post menopausal, old ass women treating these dolls like real infants. What.The.Fuck.

I am scared out of my wits. Please pay close attention toward the end because the way this one lady, who I've dubbed "Crazy Cakes", looks at this baby doll with a crazed, trance-like stare will give you fucking nightmares for the rest of the week!

The car is moving but no one's behind the wheel people!

Gawd, I guess there's one bright side to all this though...these bitches are obviously not playing with a full deck of cards so maybe it's for the best that they don't have real babies within arms reach.

glumbert - My Fake Baby

And society is threatened by US harmless childfree people? HA! THESE ARE THE PEOPLE THEY SHOULD BE ALARMED BY! Women buying customized fake babies and treating them like they're alive! Who ever heard of such fuckery?

My 28th Childfree "Anniversary"...

2008-07-20T14:06:00.004-07:00

I like (OK LOVE) penis so I thought I post another penis cake photo since I did so last year.

This is now my yearly birthday tradition.

The big day is tomorrow and surprisingly I'm not dreading it the way I usually do. I'm not ecstatic about it but I'm cool with turning 28.

I've noticed that the older I get, I seem to get even more awesome than I was the year before! How cool is that? I'm more comfortable being my natural, authentic self than ever and I care much, much less about other people's opinions of me. It's totally liberating.

Oh and after all, it is another year I've been fortunate enough to remain childfree and that is most definitely something to celebrate!

Breeders Who Dress Their Kid Up Like A Creampuff To Run Mundane Errands Around Town...

2008-07-09T21:21:00.008-07:00

While shopping at Target the other day, my eyes were assaulted by the sight of a tiny toddler ensconced in a mass of frilly, ruffled heinousness and I had to post a rant about it.

This breeder ho had her little girl dressed in a big ass, peach colored, froofy, ruffled disaster.

The baby looked like a cake topper for chrissakes.

What.the.fuck.

Um HELLO this is Target. Not the Lil Miss Universe pageant!

Plus, it was a Monday...why is this kid dressed up like a poofy, peach princess on a goddamn Monday morning?

Who in the hell left the gate open?

Honestly, I felt a little pity for this poor child. She looked positively miserable in that get-up. I mean here she was all puffed and ruffled up in a knock off replica of a Krystle Carrington-style dress from Dynasty, at Target of all places!!!

She looked like she was about to board the Good Ship Lollipop!

What is the point of parading your child around in uncomfortable stuff like this? Is it just to get adoring looks and compliments? How hard up for attention can you be to make a spectacle of your kid like that?

Side-Stepping The Mommy Tax...

2008-07-02T13:08:00.003-07:00

OK, so if you're a reader of my other blog, you know I've been hunting for the perfect job so that I can ditch mine. Well, as I stated in this post, one of my concerns about being a woman in the workforce is the dreaded "Mommy Tax". Being discriminated against by employers because of the assumption that I either have or will have children and it will negatively affect my work. I struggled with how to convey to potential employers that I am childfree...

Well, I had an interview this morning and all I can say is thank GAWD for prying hiring managers and their roundabout way of asking "illegal questions"!

The job I applied for is with an IT company and if hired, I would be a member of a division that is relocating here from Atlanta, GA. The position requires a lot of schedule flexibility and also some travel to and from Atlanta once a month for the next several months.

So one of the hiring mangers (I was interviewed by three) says to me, "Well, this position would not necessarily be ideal for a person who needs a rigid, set in stone schedule, or a person who would need to take time off without much advance notice. We're pretty up-front with everyone we're interviewing to let them know that the person who takes on this role will probably have to spend one week per month in our Atlanta office for the foreseeable future. Obviously this would be difficult for someone with a small child or a large family at home...would you have any barriers to the type of schedule we require and could you be flexible with travel?"

Basically in childfree layman's terms this means "Do you have kids?" and "Will you have a shitload of "emergencies" with your rugrats that will prevent you from working when we need you to work and traveling when we need you to travel?"

I love questions like this.

My time to shine my childfree light right into their eyes!

So my answer was (in a light, comedic voice), "Well, I'm a single woman with two cats at home and I have to say, so far they have been incredibly flexible throughout my career with my work and travel schedule."

Of course this elicited big laughs from the three men who were interviewing me. They were completely amused. It was great.

After the laughter subsided, the response I got was: "Well, you know we're not allowed to ask those types of questions but we appreciate your candor and are glad to know you have the kind of flexibility we desire because a lot of the candidates we've seen have small children and seem to need very regimented schedules and we want to be up-front about what will be required here over the next few months."

*Sighs of relief all around*

SCORE!

So, these gentlemen seemed to take to me very well and even brought a few other associates in to "meet me" after they finished up the interview!

Things are looking good....

Isn't it wonderful when your childfreedom is appreciated in the larger world?

Questions Breeders Never Ask Themselves

2008-06-29T21:57:00.007-07:00

We all know one of the distinguishing characteristics of a breeder is that they plop out twat nuggets recklessly and with little concern about their ability to take care of them.

Well, U.S. News & World Report came up with a nifty little quiz for potential breeders and parents to take in order to assess their fitness and readiness for parenthood.

These are the questions:

"Do you have $5,000 to $10,000 worth of savings in the bank that could go toward baby-related costs?"

"Could you live on around $1,000 less a month, the average cost of child care? If you or your partner plans to stop working, can you support your lifestyle without that second income?"

"Do you know the details of your workplace maternity or paternity policy?"

"Could you afford to add an additional dependent to your health insurance?"

"Do you have an emergency fund that would cover at least three months of living expenses?"

"Do you have life insurance and a will?"

"Would you need to buy a new home or car before expanding your family?"

Now these questions are all fine and good but this fucking quiz is way too goddamn short if you ask me. They missed A LOT of shit here and I feel like I need to add to the list...

"If the person you're having this child with kicks the bucket or one day up and ditches you with the little snot monster, will you be able to cope with single parenthood?"

"If you discover your child is autistic or otherwise disabled, will you be able to deal with the extra stress this will put on your life and relationshsips?"

"If your child turns out to be a hyper-active ADD addled hellion, will you be able to show them love and patience even in the most trying times?"

"How frustrated will you be during times when you can't get a sitter and you're desperate and deserving for some time away from the kid?"

"When your child makes you unbelievably angry, what course of action are you likely to take? Can you discipline them in a reasonable manner or will you just resort to beating the shit out of them?"

"Are you prepared for the possibility that this child could possibly bring more pain and frustration to your life than positivity?"

Now THIS is a list of questions! Could all of the people who end up having kids answer these questions from a place of honesty? I fucking doubt it. They'd rather dream up delusions of grandeur about how perfect their little one is going to be, spend hours thinking up names, decorating the nursery, or buying itty bitty baby clothes, than prepare themselves for some of the harsh, unpleasant realities that await them.

If they thought of all the negative possibilities that come with having kids, could half of these people truthfully say they would still have them?

I'm thinking NO.

Kids In Inappropriate Places...

2008-06-15T22:46:00.005-07:00

*Sigh*

Why do breeders INSIST upon toting their children around to places where they do NOT fucking belong? WHYYYYYY?

Friday night at about 9pm, I hit the fitness center at my apartment complex for a workout. I'm minding my own business on the elliptical, happily jamming to my iPod when in walks Daddy Breeder and little "Emma" or whatever the fuck the kid's name was. I'm no good at guesstimating the ages of kids but I assume she was 5 or 6.

Now, there is a sign up in the fitness center that says, CLEAR AS DAY... "No children under 14 allowed!"

But, the rental office staff, who enforces these rules during business hours were long gone, so of course that gives Daddy Breeder the right to do as he fucking pleases.

Well, he proceeded to go lift weights while little Kelsey decided to fuck around on the treadmill in front of me WITH HER GODDAMN SHOES UNTIED.

This little twerp was the klutziest little hellion I have encountered in a long time.

First of all, she kept falling off the treadmill.

Then her shoelaces got stuck in the rotating belt.

Then she banged her head on the console.

Do you think Daddy Breeder intervened ONE GODDAMN TIME?

Fuuuuuuck Noooooo.

She could have popped her fucking head open and he probably would've kept on bench pressing.

Asshole.

People are so shitty and ignorant. No wonder I hate them.

I grudgingly finished my 49 minute workout and gave the dad a fuck you look as I sauntered toward the door and slammed it on my way out!

That's not all though. Another day, another breeder bringing their kid somewhere it doesn't belong.

Today it was ungodly hot here. 110 degrees to be exact. So rather than stay in my house and hike up my electric bill by running the AC all fucking day, I decided to hit the library to relax, keep cool and read.

Sure the library has a kid's section and allows children but generally IT'S QUIET in there! That's why I enjoy going.

Well today WOULD be the fucking day where some dude decides to bring an INFANT to the motherfucking library.

Yep. Another Dad.

They're starting a new trend I see. Fathers are toting their kids around the way mothers usually do.

And they're just as inconsiderate as their female breeder counterparts.

I have some news for the breeders out there...

Infants do not belong in the library!

THEY CANNOT READ, THERE IS NO POINT TO BRINGING THEM!!!

As a matter of fact, NO CHILD young enough to still be illiterate belongs in the fucking library for an extended amount of time.

What do these breeders not understand about that?

So, I'm deeply engrossed in my copy of "Full Frontal Feminism" when the baby starts screaming bloody murder at the top of it's mighty lungs.

Oh but that wasn't his only crotch dumpling. He had two small daughters with him who appeared to be twins. I'm not sure though cause I only saw the back of their heads.

They had to have been about three or four years old. WELL BELOW READING AGE!

Arrrrgggghhhh!!!!!!!!

Pissed me right the fuck off.

Kids this age get bored EASILY. They cannot read. The library is the worst place to take them.

People go to the library for PEACE and quiet. They want to study...or maybe they want to get some work done on the computer...or maybe they just want to immerse themselves in a good book without being disrupted!

But as with everything else, it only takes one breeder to ruin everyone's experience.

So, back to the scene. Baby Big Mouth is screaming it's head off when one of the little snotling 3 year-olds decides to run away from the table.

The fucking idiot dad then YELLS at the other little girl to "GO GET YOUR SISTER AND BRING HER BACK HERE".

Causing a ruckus right in the middle of the damn library.

I looked at him like I wanted to slit his goddamn throat.

He saw me too.

Oh but I wasn't the only one. Most of the people there were shooting this assbag the look of death as well.

I couldn't be bothered to stay and witness the rest of the family shenanigans so I grabbed my stack of books and checked the fuck out.

Why stay there when I can come home to a quiet, peaceful home?

So, I sit here typing this...bitter as hell about yet another outing ruined by an inconsiderate breeder and their pissy little offspring.

Um...Congratulations On Another Kid You Can't Afford??

2008-06-12T18:57:00.006-07:00

Yesterday, my cousin had ANOTHER baby. She texted me a picture of the wormy lil thing ten seconds after it was born.

Yay. *sarcasm*

This is her second child. She can hardly ever get a babysitter or afford steady daycare for the first child so she can go to work! The father of these kids is a street dweller who as far as I know, has no legitimate job. She is nowhere near being financially able to take care of these kids.

She needed another baby like she needed a hole in the fucking head.

My dilemma is, I'm finding it increasingly difficult to be phony in my interactions with people. Especially family and close friends. Maybe it's because I'm getting older but it's becoming very difficult to be agreeable and pseudo-supportive of other people's poor decisions.

Sure if I wanted to be nice, I could always say congratulations...but again, I'd be saying something I don't mean. I'm sick of doing that.

So when I speak to her, do I offer the obligatory "congratulations" like a big phony or do I say something genuine like "I think you should hurry up and get your tubes tied before the hospital discharges you?"

Thoughts?

Guess What Today Is?!?!

2008-06-09T23:18:00.004-07:00

My Blogaversary!

Yes, it's been a year already! So much has changed over the span of a year...the economy is worse than ever, gas is four fucking dollars a gallon, I've broken up with not one, but TWO boyfriends, we had a woman and a Black man running as viable candidates for the Presidency, and I experienced a major life epiphany that has caused me to begin making serious changes in my life.

And yes, one year ago today, I began this childfree blogging journey and it's been outstanding! Not only has it been a liberating, cathartic experience, it's also introduced me to some brilliant, truly amazing, funny, fearless childfree people!

What more could I have wanted from this experience?

I can reveal my innermost thoughts, be as non PC as I want, swear constantly, rant about crazy shit, and connect with people who read this silly junk I write and like it!

That is truly awesome.

So, thanks everyone for reading my rants, leaving hilarious, insightful comments, and most of all for having a sense of humor and allowing me to show the other side of my personality that is so often rejected by mainstream, breeder-friendly society.

Here's to another year and many more...

Annoyances...

2008-06-08T22:39:00.010-07:00

One thing that puzzles and annoys me is how the parents at my office post fucktons of their kid's ugly ass drawings all over the cubicles!

I am so tempted to ask them why they do that shit.

So your kid can chicken scratch with crayons. How proud you must be.

Seriously.

Why do my eyes have to be assaulted by the scribblings of your spawn? Do you not see that the shit is ugly as hell? Why do you feel obligated to post that shit anyway? It's not like your kid comes here to check that you've posted their crappy artwork!

So what the fuck's the point? Take that shit down. It's a goddamn eyesore to EVERYONE but you.

Another thing that pisses me off are those "Heelys" shoes with wheels on the bottom. I see kids rolling around on those fucking things and can't help but wonder- what asshole would develop a shoe with WHEELS aimed at clumsy ass kids? That shit is not only annoying but dangerous!

Only the most simple minded breeder would buy this shit for their children and allow them to wear them all over fucking town.

I could think of a whole laundry list of shit that could go wrong with regard to these shoes. And about a dozen of the reasons include the possibility of death.

But on second thought...maybe the breeders secretly want their kids dead and this is a sly way to go about it?

Hmmm...

Does anyone else get annoyed when they see parents at restaurants feeding their children the unhealthiest shit EVER? This just drives me crazy. And it's not always hillbilly breeders. I live in Ahwatukee , a very upscale section of Phoenix filled with SUV driving, shopaholic SAHM's with money to burn, and I see this shit all the time. Wealthy breeders feeding their precious children absolute shit because they are too lazy to cook or even make their children eat healthy when dining out.

Do you breeders realize what you're doing to your children? You're putting them at risk for obesity, diabetes, and other bad diet related ailments. Feeding your toddler french fries from some fast food restaurant with a calorie count of 400, a sodium tally of 220mg, a fat count of 20g, and a carb count of 47g borders on child abuse if you ask me.

These obnoxious "parents" who think they're so much better than everyone else really kill me. Their choices are just as shitty as the average working-class Joe who doesn't live in a $400k house.

Sometimes worse.

And finally, this annoys the piss outta me:

Pictures of kids with food and shit ALL over their faces.

So. Fucking. Disgusting.

Why do people think this is cute? It's nasty!

Am I The Only One Who Thinks These Two Are Pretentious Breeder Assholes?

2008-06-04T23:43:00.015-07:00

"Brangelina".

Ugh...these are two of the most annoyingly sanctimonious, hypocritical people on the entire planet.

This bitch is vamping it up on the cover of some magazine just about every month, giving comprehensive interviews about her life with Brad and their rainbow colored brood, droning on and on about her various "heal the world" efforts, etc. But then she has the nerve to complain about the paparazzi being intrusive and unrelenting and crosses continents to get away from them.

I find that strange seeing as though they sold pictures of their week old baby to a tabloid. Um hello, once you do that you make your kid a prime target to be stalked! Assholes.

Oh and then after that they made a big public spectacle about the money going to charity. As a matter of fact, they make a big production out of EVERYTHING they do for charity.

Come on, don't most respectable philanthropists give ANONYMOUSLY?

So much for being "low-profile and discreet". Puleeze, that's what they want us to think but in the grand scheme of things, these two are pretentious fame whores who get cheap thrills from collecting multi-colored babies, doing everything they can to make people worship and envy them, and pushing their "humanitarian" image down our collective throats.

They are such phonies I can't even stand it. Can a fucking day go by where we don't have to hear about their hobby of adopting ethnic children or surrounding themselves with babies and their desire to have a thousand of them? Or the exact dollar amounts they give to charity? Or about how "conscious" they are of all the world's problems and the lengths they will allegedly go to cure it's ills? Or how fantastic their relationship is?

Ha, won't happen with these two.

I honestly think the damage done to their reputations once Brad left Jen for this skeeze is why they've taken on this public "goody goody" image. I think this is mostly for show.

For one thing, I find it wildly interesting that Jolie has this repetitive knack of quickly snapping up men who are in the middle of relationships with other women. Not just referring to Jennifer Aniston, but also the fiasco with Laura Dern and Billy Bob Thornton. Dern says she was engaged to Billy Bob one minute and the next minute she reads that he's had a shotgun wedding to Jolie.

Interesting isn't it? Men just magically leave their relationships for her...crazy!

I think she might be a succubus .

Makes sense doesn't it? It's all adding up now...

Anyway, back to Jen. I think she's lucky to have this dick out of her life. She seems very warm, casual, down to earth, and NORMAL (unlike weird ass Jolie and her mile long history of wacko shenanigans). She's totally the winner in all of this.

While Brad is chasing crumb snatchers with sticky fingers, picking up after lazy ass kids, and changing diapers rancid with shit and piss, Jen is dating hot guys, shooting movies, looking sexy all the time, keeping in shape, and living a seemingly peaceful life that is not infested with crotch fruit.

Brad is a major fucking dumbass for trading that life for the one he has now. Just think, when he got with her she had TWO kids. That was manageable. Now look at them! On the verge of 6! Did he see this coming?

Hindsight is a bitch Brad.

Oh and since Jolie's having a natural childbirth with the twins , methinks Brad will be getting just what he deserves in the very near future...HOTDOG IN HALLWAY SEX!

Cause Queen Jolie's vag is not going to ever be the same again.

Anyhow, I think the reason for this post is because a) I hate these two and as you know, I LOVE blogging about things and people I hate and b) I just read somewhere that Jolie killed some of her animals as a kid/teen and ADMITTED IT in a fucking interview.

She makes me absolutely sick. What a fucking weirdo sociopath.

I hope those twins rip the hell out of her twat and cause her to have a cystocele, rectocele, and all that other nasty shit I wrote about last month.

CF Women...To Take or Not to Take Hubby's Name?

2008-05-31T23:02:00.005-07:00

I have never, ever been keen on the idea of taking my husband's name in the event I get married.

Yes I'm a "feminist" by my own definition and maybe not in the traditional sense, but a "self-proclaimed" feminist nonetheless.

I just never understood why when it comes to marriage, the woman's name is viewed as inconsequential and therefore "disposable".

Goddamn sexist traditions.

Why the hell are we expected to relinquish OUR family name (which is a part of our identity) to gain a husband while the man is allowed to essentially remain who he is regardless of his marital status?

Stupid ass shit.

Now, a disclaimer...for people who have kids I can understand the desire to have the same last name as one's children. My parents divorced when I was 17 and a few years later, my mom remarried. Honestly speaking, it bothered me that we no longer shared a last name!

I guess this topic just makes me wonder what the majority of CF women do. Do they keep their name or change it? And if they change it, what's the reason they do so? If you're a married CF women, kindly gimme the lowdown in the comments please.

This isn't to dog women who have taken their husband's last names either. You can do what the hell you want. I just don't like what changing my name to my husband's would symbolize TO ME, so I ever get married, my name is staying the same. This is who I've been for almost 28 years now, I don't see the point of changing it for some sexist tradition. It would be one thing if I wanted to change my name just for the fuck of it, but to change it for marriage isn't something I would do.

I think for me, it symbolizes "ownership" and ugh, I am overly independent and I hate that word altogether when it comes to relationships. I honestly think the tradition originated to signify that a woman is "property" of her husband so she naturally would take his last name.

LIKE THE FUCKING SLAVES!

Fuck no! Maybe that hits a soft spot for me because I'm black and we all know that the slave owners imposed their last names on their slaves, stripping them of their true identities...

Ugh. Makes me sad to even think about it.

So I guess I may have some reasons why in my mind they are one in the same.

What do you guys think about the issue?

Crazy Cat Lady MY ASS!

2008-05-21T01:02:00.008-07:00

Whenever people try to say I'm a future "crazy cat lady" I wanna slap them upside the goddamn head.

First of all, what the fuck do you care?

Secondly, I only have two cats and I don't display signs of going berserk and into cat overload anytime in the near future. There are NO warning signs that my mental state is so diminished that I'd have 25+ cats running around my house at any given time.

It wouldn't fucking happen. Kiss my ass.

Thirdly, I'd take cats any day over some obnoxious crotch dumpling who never stops asking for shit and spends all my goddamn money.

Lemme tell you how much I spend on my cats per month...let's see

Cat Food- maybe $25 per month
Cat Litter- $12 per month
Cat Nip so they can do lines and get high- $6 per month

That's fucking it folks. They don't need a babysitter, I can have sex all over the house with them watching and no one is "emotionally damaged" from it, they don't grow out of clothes and shoes constantly cause they don't NEED clothes and shoes, I don't have to taxi their asses all over the city of Phoenix, I'll never have to put them on "punishment", they don't talk shit to me, I ain't gotta help them with their homework...they're low maintenance as hell.

This is much more ideal than having some child around who needs constant attention, and makes unrelenting demands on my time, patience, and finances.

And don't even get me started on the burden of having a husband! Ugh. NOT APPEALING!!!!!

I'd rather just have a boyfriend who lives at his own goddamn house anyway. I need my space.

So fuck everyone who tries to shame myself and other single, childfree women into this notion that we'll become "spinsters" or "crazy cat ladies" when we arrive at middle age. Having a husband and or little snotling children obviously isn't meaningful to us or we'd do it. ANYONE can get married and plop out a munchkin. It's no spectacular feat!

We'd just rather not. We like having our freedom, our disposable income to spend the way we choose, and a quiet, peaceful home WITHOUT THE FOLLOWING: crying, shouting, and sticky fingerprints all over the place, a hubby whose farts we have to smell under the sheets every fucking night, everyone in the house expecting us to cook, clean, and do endless laundry all the goddamn time, kids who never stop begging for clothes, $200 shoes, video game systems and heaven knows what else, a complete lack of appreciation for everything you do for the lazy fuckers you live with (oh except on Mother's Day), and just the basic lack of PRIVACY and ALONE TIME to do whatever the fuck we want, WHEN WE WANT.

So please, stop worrying about whether or not we'll be "spinsters" or "crazy cat ladies" twenty years from now. Worry about your own slavish existence which consists of catering to people day and night OK? Go change a diaper or clean someone's room!

Don't you have a million baby clothes and "onesies" to wash anyway? GTHFOH.

What the Fuck Am I Looking At Here?

2008-05-13T23:32:00.006-07:00

This is a clothing line for children?

Somebody has lost their damn mind.

It figures that this clothing line is Beyonce's "House Of Dereon" or whatever the fuck it's called. This bitch wants fucking kids to be as sexy and "bootylicious" as her grown ass.

Seriously, is that a nursery school kid wearing PUMPS or are my eyes deceiving me?

Good Goddamn...hooker heels on a 4-year-old.

Only a bunch of fucked in the head breeders would dress their kid in this bullshit.

My mother wouldn't have even dreamed of sending me off to school in tight jeans and a pair of 3 inch heels at age 5! WTF!!!

The sexualization of children with regard to clothing really bothers the hell out of me.

Kid's attire is becoming more and more inappropriate and breeders are eating this shit up.

If it wasn't flying off the store shelves, designers wouldn't keep making this trash.

Between this crap, string, thonged bikini's for toddlers, low rise jeans for first-graders, sweatpants for pre-schoolers with the words "juicy" across the ass...I have seen it all.

It's obscene.

What respectable parent would outfit their child in such whore-ey attire?

Frankly speaking, I think we all know a breeder or two who wouldn't think TWICE about taking their kid to the beach or community swimming pool in that get-up.

No doubt the pedophiles are loving this asinine new trend.

More Reproductive Fuckery From The Duggars...

2008-05-09T09:56:00.006-07:00

Oh yes, you knew it was coming!

Super Breeder Extraordinaire Michelle Dugger is pregnant with her 18th goddamn crotch dumpling.

I swear, I can't even fathom what a catastrophe this woman's twat is at this point.

Or how her husband still manages to get an erection knowing 15+ rugrats have come through that circus tent.

Ugh...this is not what I needed at 10am in the morning.

Someone really ought to stop this fiasco already...

Holy Ragged Rectum Batman!

2008-04-22T16:37:00.004-07:00

Good Gawd it just keeps getting worse.

As if my last post wasn't ghastly enough, today I have to bring you the facts on another troubling risk when it comes to childbirth.

It's called a Rectocele.

According to this website a rectocele is "a bulge of the front wall of the rectum into the vagina.

Gah~Dayum.

Your rectum bulging out of your vagina.

Wow.

As expected, pregnancy and delivery are the most common causes of rectoceles. This is because the muscles and ligaments that hold and support your vagina become stretched and weakened during pregnancy, labor and delivery. As a result, the more pregnancies you have, the greater chance you have of developing a rectocele.

*Cue the gagging noises and pass me a barf bag*

Holy Dilapidated Vagina Batman!

2008-04-20T19:46:00.004-07:00

Every time I read about vaginal birth I learn something new and horrifying. I really need to stop myself but then again, this is knowledge that could help someone stay childfree so I feel as if it's my civic duty to present all of the information I come across.

Even the nasty shit that induces vomit.

Anyhow, the ways in which childbirth wreaks havoc on a woman's lady parts are limitless.

This is another one of those monumental reasons I won't have kids.

Anyway, let's begin today's lesson on how childbirth can fuck up your vaj.

I just recently heard the term Cystocele and decided to see what it meant.

Let's just say I shouldn't have eaten lunch before I decided to research this topic.

A cystocele is medical condition that occurs when the tough fibrous wall between a woman's bladder and her vagina is torn by childbirth, allowing the bladder to herniate into the vagina.

Basically, this fucking thing can cause your bladder to drop allllllll the way down to either reach the opening of the vagina or can even cause the bladder to bulge out through the opening of the vagina!

OMFG GAG ME UNTIL I HURL FOR DAYS ON END!!!!!

EWWWW!!!

ICK!!!!

Can you imagine having your bladder sticking out of your hoo-ha? To call this a crisis would be a significant understatement.

This is a VAGINAL CATASTROPHE!

According to this website, the most common cause of a cystocele is childbirth.

Surprise, surprise.

Yet another way in which popping out a twat muffin can ruin your sexual organs.

Count me the fuck out.

Another Inconsiderate Breeder Bitch I'd like To Slap

2008-04-10T00:32:00.009-07:00

So today, I'm at Target picking up a few items, in a major rush because I had a doctor's appointment this afternoon right?

Well of course, Murphy's Law kicks in and my militantly childfree ass had the misfortune of getting in line behind the most idiotic breeder twat muffin of the goddamn year.

This fuckstick is letting her motherfucking kid count the money out to pay the cashier with-which would have been fine had the kid obviously not been what seemed to be a total dunce and frequent rider of the short bus.

This whore is holding up the line trying to give her fucking crumbsnatcher a MATH LESSON!

"Hannah, count out the change...what does two quarters make honey?"

Uh...exsqueeze me? WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS FUCK!?

"How many dimes will you need to add to the two quarters to equal 80 cents Hannah?"

By the perplexed look on the kid's face, I just knew it was going to take a LIFETIME for her to figure this out.

Arghhhh!

I could not take it. I had to put a stop to this bullshit.

"You are holding up the line ma'am. There are people behind you. You and your child are not the only people in the store."

Of course the self-centered, inconsiderate, breeding bitch gave me an annoyed look as if I was being unreasonable to request that she hurry up and pay rather than trying to teach her brat how to count change when there are 6 people in line behind her.

Fuck! I hate self-absorbed, assbag breeders think the world just HAS to take a backseat to the priorities of them and their spawn. People like this have no concept of courtesy. They think the whole universe revolves around them and their awfulspring.

This ho-bag felt perfectly entitled to spend 10 minutes teaching her kid how to count money in a long ass line at the expense of everyone else's time.

BITCH, PAY THE FUCKING CASHIER, FIRE UP THE MINIVAN, AND TRY TO REMEMBER THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD OTHER THAN YOU AND YOUR MATHEMATICALLY CHALLENGED FUCKTARD OF A KID!

Yikes, There's A Baby In My Cubicle

2008-03-31T23:00:00.005-07:00

Great. Now breeders are taking over the office with all of their parenting fuckery and bullshit.

I just finished reading this article and can barely contain my annoyance.

Apparently there is an epidemic of people are bringing their little crotch monsters to work with them every fucking day.

I can't even believe companies are allowing this shit, much less promoting it.

If an employer is so interested in allowing parents to be with their kids 24 hours a fucking day, why not let their asses work FROM HOME?

Why are they being allowed to bring their babies into the office to disrupt everyone else?

How idiotic to pay an employee to basically take care of their snot monsters at your fucking place of business.

I can't imagine this policy going into practice at my office. I've been there for nearly six years but I'll tell you what-I'd resign in a fucking nanosecond if this shit were permitted. Goodbye 401k contributions, three weeks paid vacation, company sponsored pension...GOODBYE!

The thought of having to listen to "Mommy" in the desk next to me cooing baby talk to her munchkin, breast feeding, shushing a whiny infant and smelling up the entire goddamn office with Junior's poopy diapers is just unbearable.

And tell me something, how the fuck can the co-workers of these people concentrate with crying, babies in the cubicle next to them? Hell, how can the PARENT concentrate having a noisy ass baby with a shit smeared, diaper padded ass demanding all of their fucking attention when they're trying to work?

Fuck this shit. I get annoyed when people bring their babies into the office for ten minutes. I could NEVER work in an environment crawling with them.

Unless your goddamn baby can clock in and do some fucking work, make copies for me, or pick up lunch at the deli down the street-it doesn't belong in the workplace.

Damn, is no place sacred from breeders and their spawn? They're even taking over offices now! We are running out of "adults only" retreats and it's pissing me off. No wonder so many parents are completely arrogant and entitled. No place is off limits to their baby. Crying children are welcome everywhere these days- regardless of whether or not others are hindered by their presence.

Fuck.This.

Mooching Off Mom and Dad at Age 50

2008-03-23T19:24:00.005-07:00

K just a heads up...this template looks like hell in Internet Explorer because Internet Explorer sucks. You're better off reading this using a Firefox or Opera web browser.

In any case, if I can't fix it up, I'll be switching templates again soon so hold tight IE users.

Movin on...I just finished reading this article on MSNBC and you NEED to go check it out.

Go ahead...I'll wait.

OK, so apparently there's a new phenomenon of middle aged people moving back in with their parents.

I'm really appalled right now. I mean sure, we've all heard stories about 20 and 30 somethings moving back home but people in their 50's?

Holy Hell.

And let's be clear- we're not talking about 50 somethings who live with their elderly parents in order to take care of Mom and Dad in their golden years.

This article is about people over 40 moving home because they can't take care of themselves.

I tell you what...I think this is a real fucking shame.

Older people have it pretty rough financially these days. They worked in a time where IRA's and 401K's were not the norm. Many of them depend on a piddly ass Social Security check to help pay the bills.

And we all know how bad that system SUXASS don't we? And of course being old means you have to take a fucking truckload of medications just to fucking stay alive, and Medicaid is just as shitty as SSI, if not more.

I imagine these things are stressful enough, but to have to support 50-year-old children you raised and took care of 30 years ago, really is jacked up beyond belief.

This makes me want to call my mom and promise her I will never pull this shit when I turn 50.

Goddamn, this whole subject really opens my eyes as to how you are never guaranteed a break once you take on the parent role. It's been well known for a while that the duty doesn't end at 18, but recently we're finding out it doesn't end at 30 either. Hell, it doesn't end at 40 for some people! Jiminy Christmas.

Guess my advice to parents is, don't break out the flutes and champagne when your kids initially move out of your house. You never know when that infamous line from Poltergeist will come to haunt your empty nest and flip your world upside down:

"They're Baaaaaaaaack..."

Are Non-Mommies Being "Mommy Taxed"?

2008-03-12T12:41:00.002-07:00

OK, before I jump into to my topic today, I wanted to say thanks to everyone who commented on my last post. I was blown away by how awesome you guys are. I definitely felt less alone in my despair over the direction my life is going in and it was hugely comforting.

Thanks a million for the support...

So...this is something that's concerned me greatly as of late and I wanted to see what the rest of you thought about it.

I always hear and read about how women of "childbearing age" are discriminated against in the workplace and given less promotional consideration because of this so called "mommy tax". Apparently due to the fact that all the stats and studies say that mothers miss more work, need more flexible schedules, and in general are much more of a pain in the ass to employ than any other group or people, some employers are reluctant to hire or promote women for fear that they will breed.

That distresses me because I've begun looking for other job opportunities, and I'm starting to wonder if -unbeknownst to me- I've ever been turned down or passed over for a job opportunity due to the assumption that I either was, or would soon be a mother.

Just the mere notion pisses me the hell off! And I feel helpless to stop it from happening in the future!

Just because I have a vagina, that doesn't mean I'm going to use it to produce offspring dammit!

How the hell do we as childfree women circumvent this type of discrimination? I mean it's not like I can slap the words "CHILDFREE FOR LIFE" on my resume...(If I could, I'd do it in a heartbeat!). So what do we do? Is there a subtle way we can slip in this tidbit during a job interview (if we can even OBTAIN an interview in the first place being women of "childbearing age") or would that tactic backfire because so many people think women SHOULD be mothers? Is anyone else worried about this hindering them in the future or is it just me?

I really think we need to have a brainstorming session to figure out how we can prevent this type of discrimination from affecting us professionally. What do you all think?

Uh-Oh...Identity Crisis of Mass Proportions!

2008-02-28T17:49:00.002-07:00

OK, I know it's been an eternity since I last posted but trust me, I have a good reason.

My job is demanding AS HELL (I've said that before on this blog)...I work until 8 at night during the week, I come home, change clothes and hit the gym for about an hour, come back home to bathe and have a late dinner, catch some shit on TiVo or read and go to bed!

My weekends are spent with the guy I'm currently dating, getting my shopping done, exercising, and keeping my house clean.

Oh and trying to catch up on sleep.

I haven't been able to carve out the time to write or even READ any blogs. Sorry!

When I first started this blog last June, I was on a temporary medical leave from work, had tons of free time and was able to post all the time!

Those days are long gone.

Anyway, I've been doing a bit of "self-discovery" with my shrink (hell yeah I'm in therapy...not ashamed in the slightest..and I highly recommend it!) and I came to the stunning conclusion that what I THOUGHT made me happy (my career) really doesn't.

I think I always identified myself as a "childfree, ambitious, career driven type of woman", but I've come to realize that isn't an accurate portrayal of me at all.

Yeah I've worked my ass off at one of the largest financial services firms in the country for 5 years, been promoted three times, and envisioned myself as a future CEO or board member one day but um...after thoughtful consideration, that's not what I want at all.

Like, not even fucking close. I'll be 28 this summer and I'm just now figuring this out? Is this weird? What the eff?

Oh and before you jump to the conclusion that I've decided to start having babies in order to fulfill myself, I urge you to put down the meth pipe you are obviously smoking from.

Hell noez I ain't having kids!!! That's not the point of this post. (I know my CF peeps are breathing a sigh of relief right now)

I am definitely staying childfree but I've had a bit of an epiphany. I've been stressing myself out at this company since I was 22. Yes, I make a decent living but ta-da...it DOESN'T make me happy. OMG. It shocked me to admit that to my therapist AND myself. Was I fooling myself all these years? Trying to trick myself into believing that working and getting promoted all the time leads to happiness? Maybe so...

I mean sure, my job is engaging SOMETIMES. It's interesting SOMETIMES. I have relationships with my co-workers but do I wanna be climbing the corporate ladder for the next 40 years? Stunningly the answer is NO.

I think I'm still in shock...I must be going through one of those "Quarter-Life Crises" I've read about.

Anyone else ever wake up to the realization that everything you have worked for isn't what you want AT ALL or is it just me?

I mean...sure it would be nice to make millions of dollars one day but really...what are the chances?

I always thought I wanted a 7000 square foot house one day but now that I ponder it...I DON'T! I don't need a maid or a big swimming pool, and I don't care if I ever drive a Jag or a Mercedes S-Class. Crazy huh? Why am I not who I thought I was all of a sudden? And why has my idea of "the perfect life" changed so drastically all of a sudden?

Honestly, big house, nice car, mega career isn't even mildly appealing to me right now.

I'd be happy owning a small condo, dating or marrying a nice guy, loving my pets, having plenty of time to write, do yoga, read books, and sleep...working JUST ENOUGH to support myself, pay my bills, and have a FEW nice luxuries every month. That's it in a nutshell. Along with staying childfree OF COURSE.

Honestly, I would love to run an animal shelter...or write books...or have my own sex toy/fetish store...Bwaaaahahahaha...very diverse goals I know.

I guess I'm sharing this because this revelation has kind of knocked me on my ass and I wanted to feel like I wasn't alone in my confusion surrounding who I am and what I genuinely want.

Obviously I'm not going to hastily quit my job tomorrow morning and go "dream chasing" because I'm a practical person who makes careful decisions about my life but...can I share something with you? I'm really, really, really happy to be childfree right now during this little "identity crisis" because I look at my life and see that it's pretty much ALL REVERSIBLE. Like all of it. I can start changing my entire lifestyle tomorrow if I want to. I hope I don't sound like a tool but that is incredibly comforting, liberating, and all kinds of shit.

I Wish I Could Answer Some Of These...So I Will!

2008-02-10T22:41:00.002-07:00

Sometimes when I read the shit on the "True Mom Confessions" website, I wish I could email a response to some of the people who post there.

So, since I have this great blog, I think I'll start responding here just for shits and giggles.

I've compiled a few "confessions" for your reading enjoyment.

Today at a red light, my 20 month old daughter yelled "GO FUCKER!" at the car in front of us. *sigh*. My fault.

Goddamn right it's your fault. I have a feeling your potty mouthed tot is going to bring you a great deal of embarrassment and shame before her 3rd birthday. Please post more stories of her swearing wildly in public for our entertainment.

My 8 year old still wears pull ups every night.

WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS FUCK? An 8-year-old in PULL-UPS? Seriously? All I can say is...they make pull-ups THAT BIG? I guess I always assumed that any kid over 5 would have to wear those geriatric adult diapers....what do I know?

I want a baby so badly that I've decided to just ignore the fact that we may not be financially ready for it. Even though my husband worries about it every minute of every day. I feel so selfish.

You are selfish asshole. That baby is only going to make your financial woes deepen. You better wish on a fucking star that the kid you bring into this world doesn't have serious, EXPENSIVE, health problems that you can't fucking afford to tend to. What will you do then? Wanna be breeders like you make my stomach turn. Your own desire to have a baby around overrules your common sense that when said baby gets here, you'll have a hard time supporting it and staying financially afloat. It's really a shame that people like you can conceive. The world would be a better place if you couldn't.

Goddamn twat waffle.

I'm tired of people assuming when I mention I had my daughter through IVF that there was something wrong with me. Men can have reproductive issues too!

Here's an idea...quit telling random fuckers that you had your kid via IVF! Ever think of that? It's no one's goddamn business anyway is it? Why are you publicizing that anyway? Is it because you wanna feel "special" and "privileged" that you wasted a couple grand to get yourself knocked up? Your attention whored-ness is biting you in the ass and you deserve it. Keep your fertilization stories to yourself fucktard.

I realize I am crabby most of the time. I know I am in charge of my emotions, but for frick's sake, work with me a little here people! Can you not see that most of my aggravation comes from...
having to repeat myself endlessly
cleaning up messes I did not make
doing things I don't want to do to make others happy
thinking of everyone before myself only to find that no one else does the same
paying attention to what the heck is going on in the house whereas everyone else seems to be clueless
doing crap with no thanks but yet others expect parades because they actually did something
I try. Really I do. A little help and gratitude would be sooooo appreciated. It's really tiring being the bitch of the house.

Waaa waaa waaa. Cry me a fucking river. Everyone with a lick of sense knows that gratitude and appreciation are not shown in abundance to mothers. Gratitude for what anyway? Taking care of and raising kids YOU decided to have? Oh yes, how noble of you. Too bad they don't hand out a "Best Parent" award at the Oscars every year, just for noble people like you.

What did you think would happen when you became a mother? Cleaning messes you didn't make is at the top of a mother's job description you whiny ass bitch! God, somebody go get me a puny ass violin to play a symphony of sadness for this pathetic loser. Oh no, she puts everyone else first and they don't do the same for her! No fucking shit. When will you realize your kids don't owe you anything lady? And yes that includes a "thank you". Sure it would be "nice" if they thanked you, but in all honesty, they do NOT owe you that. They didn't ask to be born. You brought them here. Your needs are inconsequential to them. YOU'RE THE PARENT AND CARETAKER! It's your job to take care of their needs. ALL OF THEM. Get a goddamn clue.

I think motherhood is easy and fun!

Oh reallllllly? Hmph. I wish we could hook your lying ass up to a polygraph while you were typing that boldfaced lie. Never have I come across a mommy blog or mother PERIOD who asserted that motherhood was easy and fun. Quit lying to us and yourself about the realities of motherhood. Save it. No one believes you.

I admire women who know themselves well enough to not have children and who stand up for their choice

Why thank you. That would be me you're referring to. It ain't easy in this child-centered society but someone's gotta do it!

Fatherhood = Choice, Motherhood = Never-ending, All Consuming Life Sentence

2008-01-27T15:22:00.002-07:00

After reading this on the True Dad Confessions website:

"I fought for custody, but only enough to not look like a jerk to my kids. Woo-hoo! Every other weekend I get to be daddy, but the rest of my life is mine. I get the best of both worlds. Screw you, bitch, Im Freeeeeee at last! Woo-hoooooooooooo!"

AND after talking to one of my best friends, who is mother to three children with two "deadbeat dads", I really wanted to write a post about how becoming a mother alters every aspect of a woman's life while fatherhood is basically something men can "opt out" of from the get go.

This is one of many reasons I won't be having kids.

My friend has made such an impact on me with her life of single motherhood. I'm always here to listen when she needs a friend to talk -even though I have no advice for her because I have no clue what her life is like.

Oh but I can imagine.

She is so fucking overwhelmed ALL the time because her children's fathers don't do jack diddly when it comes to helping to raise their kids.

She NEVER has a break from all of her kids at once. NEVER. She can't go to the grocery store with all three of them because it's too stressful. She can't get one single weekend of reprieve from the demands of her kids. She has no freedom.

She is one of the millions of women in the world who are consumed by motherhood and it's demands 24/7. Referring to motherhood as a full time job is almost an understatement.

Whereas, for her children's fathers...parenthood is barely a part time endeavor.

These motherfuckers think their contribution as a father ends at ejaculation!

IT FUCKING DOESN'T!

No, you see, men have the luxury of fatherhood being "a choice". Society has very low expectations of men when it comes to fatherhood. Paying child support and seeing your kids two or three times A MONTH makes one a decent dad who can have a clear conscience and be free from scorn and judgment.

The bar ain't set so low when you're a mom.

My friend often tells me how upset it makes her that her children's fathers have so much freedom while she is chained to her kids every minute of the fucking day. I can't imagine myself in her shoes. Granted, this is a woman who has made POOR choices but still, she's been my friend for 8 years and a lot of the time, I feel incredibly sorry for her.

She doesn't know how much longer she can do this. I honestly think she wants to die and I am terribly worried for her. She feels guilty all the time about how awful of a mother she must be because she is always so unhappy and stressed out. And her children have no one but her. She told me the other day she doesn't know how much of this life she can endure. It really struck a chord with me because even though I'm not in her position, I can IMAGINE living that way.

Seeing her life consumed with the drudgery and demands of motherhood, while her kid's fathers do what the fuck they want, have the luxury of deciding when to be involved with their children, and barely paying any child support in the meantime makes me wanna put a hit out on those two douchebags.

I don't know what I'd do if I was in her shoes but I can TOTALLY see myself packing the kids up in the car, dropping them off at their father's houses, and hightailing it out of the fucking state never to be seen again.

Sounds sad huh? And desperate? Well IT IS! Which is why I would do anything in my power to avoid having kids and fucking us all up. Myself and them.

Sorry motherhood, you ain't gettin me caught in this death trap of woe and misery! NO MA'AM! YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!

HA!

OK, all clowning aside, parenthood will never amount to equal responsibilities for men and women. It never, ever will and I think everyone knows it. Who knows whether I'd be childfree if I had been born a man. I can't speak from that point of view. I can only say that the reason I am so strongly against becoming a mother is because I'm a woman and I know WHAT IT ENTAILS.

And I want no fucking part of it ever.

Putting Carts In The Hands Of Stupid Ass Kids

2008-01-21T19:05:00.008-07:00

On my last trip to the grocery store, I noticed that some fucktard came up with the bright idea to invent "mini", "child sized" grocery carts so children can run recklessly wild into people and merchandise all over the fucking supermarket.

Who the hell is responsible for such asinine, idiotic fuckery???

This is the dumbest shit I've ever seen.

So now, not only do I have to worry about stupid fucking ADULTS blocking the aisles and being in my goddamn way with their carts, NOW I gotta worry about their little crotch critters doing the same fucking thing.

Are ya effin kidding me?

Guys, you should have seen the look on my face in the cereal aisle when a nearby display was abruptly crashed into by a fucking toddler steering a mini grocery cart.

This little motherfucker was not watching where the fuck she was going, cause hell, 3-year-olds are dumb like that, and she knocked all sorts of shit over with her itty bitty lil grocery cart.

And do you think her twat rag of a "mommy" picked any of that shit up?

Take a fucking guess.

NO! She just "reprimanded" her little demon seed for not watching where she was going, stepped over the shit scattered on the floor, and went back to shopping as if everything was peachy fucking keen.

I wanted to slap the taste outta that bitches' mouth.

These moronic grocery stores cater to breeders with special "parent with child" parking spaces, "expectant mother" parking spaces, and now mini grocery carts for these menacing little snotlings?

WHAT THE FUCK FOR?

Seriously, what are they gaining by doing this shit?

Why the fuck are they putting carts in the hands of children who by nature, are not cognizant of their surroundings, are not aware or even CONCERNED when they are in other people's way, have no "steering skills" whatsofucking ever, and don't possess the quick reflexes to avoid collisions with other shoppers or with merchandise?

What bullshit.

And honestly, would a SENSIBLE parent want their fucking kid pushing a little ass cart around the fucking store while they are trying to shop? Wouldn't a responsible parent want their child strapped into their own grocery cart where they can monitor them, keep their hands off the fucking products, and keep them not only from wrecking into shit but also from being wrecked into?

I swear, I am so sick of people treating children like fucking adults and giving them adult oriented shit they are NOT prepared for and can't fucking handle.

Just what we didn't need...another annoying obstacle to frustrate us while we try to grocery shop. And this "we" is referring to CF people and regular people who may or may not have kids but are reasonable enough to know that kids driving grocery carts is a stupid fucking idea.

My Mood? Fatigued and Irritated Beyond Belief!

2008-01-15T16:03:00.002-07:00

Hey guys...you wanna know why I haven't been posting as frequently these days?

Because my job is stressing me the eff out and I'm ready to cut my goddamn head off.

This is just a rant post cause ranting is like chicken soup for my soul sometimes.

Let's get the ball rolling.

I am SO tired of people with children assuming that CF people have free-wheeling, care-free, stress-free lives. We fucking don't.

I hate it when people jump to the conclusion that my life is some perpetual walk-in the park just because I don't have children. I have a demanding job and bills to pay just like every other independent adult in this world. I may have a little more free time than some childed folks but just like them, it's not NEARLY as much as I would like!

The difference between parents and CF people is the choices we've made. Strictly speaking for myself, the reason I am choosing not to have children is because my life is stressful and jam packed enough with more OBLIGATIONS than enjoyment as it is. It should go without saying that Duh!, most people's lives aren't perfectly balanced with 50% enjoyment and 50% obligation. That ain't the way life works. In order to get some enjoyment, obligations must be fulfilled. And obligations tend to have shitty side effects like fatigue, anxiety, stress, depression, and all that other unpleasant shit regular people's lives are filled with. Welcome to the fucking world folks.

And excuse the hell outta me for being cognizant enough to realize that children are just one more thing to be OBLIGATED to and deciding to pass on that sorry ass deal.

Either I'm brutally honest or just pissed off but when I look at my lifestyle and my career, I can't even imagine throwing kids into the equation.

I think about how tired I am from working 10 hour days and taxing my brain to fucking death, how difficult it is to try and drag myself to the gym 6 days a week to stay healthy and fit, how I don't get nearly enough rest, or eat as many fruits and vegetables as I should because microwave shit is so much more "time friendly" than grocery shopping and daily cooking, how I sometimes forget to feed my TWO CATS and they gotta remind me by meowing their asses off...the list could go on and on. What the fucking hell would I do with a kid? Why in the bejesus would I want to dig that kind of hole for myself? As if it's not hard enough to take care of ME- mentally, emotionally, and physically, I need some vulnerable, totally helpless CHILD to take FULL care of 24/7 and guide through life as well?

Get The Fuck Outta Here With That Bullshit.

Ugh! I'm tired. I need to sleep or at least lie down for an hour. And a few cocktails wouldn't hurt either.

Your daily dose of pessimism has been fulfilled. Kindly leave me comments or go away.